Controlled Crying - I never thought I could (or would)

This is more 'experience sharing' than advice, as although my story ends well and has left me with some sleep and my mind intact, I am by no means an expert on the subject.  All I can do is share my story in the hope that it might help some

Our Beautiful boy Benjamin Alex came into and completed our happy little family on 26th Feb 07.  We call him our little mircacle because we had heard time and again from doctors that the chances of me falling pregnant were slim (that is another story I shall have to share some other time). Obviously we were so delighted with our new arrival and although we were getting very litlle sleep in the early days/weeks/months I kept saying that there was no way I would ever do 'controlled crying'.  I had read SO MANY conflicting articles on what seems like a millions different websites and the cons seemed to heavily out weigh the pros on the subject. 

At four months my husband suggested that we should give CC a go as I hadn't slept more than 2 or 3 hours at a time since Ben had come into our lives (come to think of it since I had fallen pregnant).  I just couldnt bear the thought of letting hime cry - I again researched the pros and cons and still felt uncomfortable with the idea but conceeded that if things hadnt changed by the time he was 6 months we should give it a try.

So here we are at 5 months 2 weeks and after trying what felt like a million things to get Ben any kind of decent sleep during the night we decided to give CC a go.  First here is the background on his sleep patterns:

• Weeks 1 - 6 Averaging about 2 hours at a time day and night, including a week of only 45min sleeps!  We tried: Massage, Music, Light on/off, Patting, rocking, singing, white noise, elevated head end of cot, co-sleeping and the only thing that worked in the end was feeding him to sleep.  Which would have been fine if he would have slept for more than an hour or so at a time.  It was fairly obvious that he needed that sucking to comfort him and I was too sore to contine being the dummy.
• Week 6 - 12 We introduced a dummy which wasnt that easy, being soley breastfed it did take some time and about 10 different types of dummies until we found one he liked.  This worked well and he started to sleep between 2 and 3 hours during the night and continued his 45 minute day time naps. During the evening he was still having 1 or 2 feeds but toward the end he wasnt really feeding that much before falling back to sleep.
• Week 12 - 18 Things where a bit of a rollercoaster for this period.  Sleep did not get any better, still only 2 or 3 hours at a time during the night, but at least the evening feeds came to an end. However the waking up persisted because if he woke during the night and his dummy had fallen out there was no way he would go back to sleep without it and he was too little to put it back in himself.  
• Week 19 - 20 We decided that the dummy really had to go so he could learn to fall asleep by himself.  We weaned him off the dummy and substituted it with a cuddly toy that he loves, patting him (without picking him up) and while that did work (eventually) each time it took about 20 minutes to settle.  But each sleep cycle (45min) he would wake up and expect to be patted back to sleep- ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!! we had made things worse :(  We went back to the dummy for a week because he got a cold and the dummy was at least giving him a tiny bit more sleep.
• Week 21 - Decide to intorduce solids because he was showing signs of still being hungry even after 8-10 breast feeds during the day.  I did try to offer a night feed during this week, thinking that perhaps he was going through a growth spurt and needed a top up but he refused each time.  The solids were going down well, not even a drop spilt so he was clearly ready, but it did nothing for the night sleeps.  At our wits end because now even with the dummy he was waking every 3,2 and sometimes 1 hour during the night (all the while still having his 45 minute naps frequently during the day) so that is when I started looking for more ideas and came across the Minti site. 

We tried a few more new things that were kindly suggested but to no avail and my husband still felt we should give CC a go.  After reading some encouraging stories on Minti, I agreed we should try.  So last Thursday we took the dummy away again and that night we started - Hubby had Friday off so it was perfect timing.  We put the the weekend aside to just concentrate on giving this method a good go and (touch wood) it has worked perfectly, here is what we did:

NIGHT ONE

• Approx. 6pm last BF for the evening then normal bedtime routine (Play for 30 minutes, Bath, quiet time, story and into bed). We have always said the same thing before leaving the room ' night night bubby, sleep tight, see you in the morning' .
• No dummy now,  so the crying starts straight away and Hubby takes over because when I go into him it makes he gets worse - maybe because I am just as upset as him.  He was left to cry (not hysterically) for one minute then hubby went back in to reassure him that all was ok, each time saying the same thing before leaving the room and only ever staying for a minute, even if the crying hadn't stopped.  Gradually the time left alone increased to just 3 or 4 minutes at a time - even hubby was struggling to leave him any longer than that.  This went on for about an hour. I was of no use to either of them because I was too upset, to the point that I felt physically sick - That mothers instinct to pick up a crying baby takes over your whole
• Finally he went to sleep but during that whole hour of crying, there had been not one tear - it really was more an angry - give me what I want cry than anything.
• He woke again at about 2am (already a much longer sleep than usual) and this time the settling, done in exactly the same way, only took about 7 minutes. 
• After the 2am wake he didnt stir again until 7am!!!!! I couldnt believe it, and I know we hadnt slept through any cries or grizzles because I didnt sleep a wink for worrying.

DAY / NIGHT TWO

• Still no dummy and day sleeps take a few minutes of grizzling each time before he goes off to sleep
• With the daytime sleeps I make sure that his room is dim but not dark and we say 'Nap time bub, see you soon' so that he knows the difference between day sleep and night sleep.
• At night, the usual bedtime routine and only 5 minutes of grizzling before he is asleep.
• Wakes at 4am but puts himself back to sleep in just a couple of minutes - we didnt even get a chance to wake up and go into him before he was back in the land of nod.
• wakes at 7:30am YIPPEEE!!!

 DAY / NIGHT THREE

• Almost exactly the same as day/night 2

DAY / NIGHT FOUR

• Ditto

 DAY / NIGHT 5

• Day time sleeps are no trouble now.  We just put him into his cot, say the same thing and he is happy to cuddle up to his toy and sleep.  Sometimes he will lay there for 10 minutes or so talking to himself first and then drifts off to sleep
• Usual bedtime routine followed by 12 solid hours of sleep!!!!!!

So,  fingers crossed that this trend continues - well at least until the next hurdle - TEETHING!!!!  

I will note that on day two we cut out the solids because Ben hadnt done poo for about 6 days and I was worried it was the rice cereal blocking him up.  I just called the clinic nurse today to check what we should do and she assures me that it should be fine to keep giving him a little each day and that it is normal for BF babies go a week or so between poo's sometimes. I guess you really just do keep on learning each day dont you!!

I am so glad that this worked for us (so far) but even with the benifit of hindsight, I wouldnt have changed anything about getting to this point.  I am glad I tried plenty of things first and I don't think I would have tried it at any earlier age.  I am certain he understands now that even though he cant see us, we are still here and will come if he NEEDS us.  Obviously CC isnt for everyone and every baby is differnent  but if you are considering it PLEASE make sure your baby is happy and healthy to start with and that you have plenty of support - I could never had done it alone. 

I know this has been a long read, but if you have made it all the way to the end and it helps just one person out there, I will be so very glad I wrote it.

Good luck and if there is anything you would like to ask, please feel free to contact me,  I am by NO MEANS an expert but I am a great listener :)

Tracey