I think I'm going to use this blog to me help sort out some of my ideas and theory development regarding my latest research endeavors. Lately, I have been working on ideas related to the concept of Flow, a theory developed by Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi.
The idea behind
flow is that certain people experience certain events or activities in a heightened sense of enjoyment in which time passes by quickly, ideas
flow easily, connections with people or nature seem deeper, and learning and progression occur more rapidly. For example, a rock climber may experience flow during a climb in which they seem to soar through the climb amidst intense enjoyment. A composer may experience flow during the creative sparks he or she receives as he receives inspiration for a new piece. The amazing thing about flow is that everyone can experience it and that we can improve our chances for experiencing flow more often!
During my dissertation, I developed a theory of creativity that used many concepts from flow. After testing the theory as well as reading other investigations on flow and creativity, I found that flow is more deeply enhanced when that person is engaging in something that is meaningful to them. I have begun to examine how people make meaning when they experience flow, but one thing I have noticed up to this point is that the meaning they place behind the activity may be more important that any other factor regarding flow.
In reality, flow can be applied to any part of life. How can one experience more enjoyment, inspiration, personal satisfaction, etc. with their job, marriage, relationships, hobbies, etc.? Aren't we all in the pursuit of happiness or at least looking to feel fulfilled in some endeavor? I will likely use this blog to explore more ideas of flow applied to other areas, but I would like to explore how flow can be applied to parenting.
How would flow be portrayed in parenting? Likely, it would occur when a parent and a child spend time together during an activity or time of play and they both feel a sense of fulfillment, experience high levels of enjoyment, both learn together or connect on a deeper level as time passes by rapidly. I remember times with my own mother and father when I think I experienced flow. I remember playing basketball with my dad or reading with my mom or story-telling with my grandmother. These times enriched my childhood. How can I help my own children experience these times. Here are some tips that stem from the research I have examined and conducted as applied to parenting:
1. Come down to their level: In other words, if they are 3 years old, it will be important to engage in an activity that they would enjoy. This may require taking some time to figure out what they are interested in. The younger ages are easier whereas children from 10 and up may be more difficult as they don't open up as easily; however, taking time to connect at the same level will be important to experience flow.
2. No time for judging: We as parents can often place too much emphasis on teaching, advising, judging, etc. in everything we do with our children. Although this has it's place at times, to experience flow the child must feel less pressure to succeed or fail in order to establish enough trust allowing for their wings to spread and fly where they want to be. Potential is not fully explored within an individual unless they feel safe enough to take some risks. Flow is more likely to occur when a child can spend time with a parent with no fear of judgement, castigation, or ridicule allowing them to soar to more lofty heights.
3. Let down your hair: In order to experience flow and have some fun with our children, we need to step out of our roles that we take on in adult arenas. In other words, it's ok to laugh, experience childish wonder, and explore the world as our children do with no need for feelings of embarrassment or hesitancy. This can be difficult at times sense we are taught to act properly in other environments; however, for a child to experience flow with you they should feel you are willing let down your hair a bit.
4. Remember the purpose behind parenting: Parenting really has many purposes, but on its deepest level, the purpose of parenting is to build a trusting bond between a child and an adult allowing for an attachment to occur in which the child will follow the parent's way of living on an emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental level. The word discipline comes from the word disciple which means to teach. Thus, we build bonds with our children so they can trust us enough to teach them the values and principles that will help them succeed while providing the safety and nurturance that help them know they will never be alone. With that perspective in mind, spending time with our children takes on a whole new purpose in which we seek out experiences where we can enjoy each other's unique personalities, strengths, enjoyments, and perspectives of life.
5. Seek to uplift, expand, and explore: Children that experience flow with their parents usually are involved in activity that allows them to lift their spirits, expand their understanding or ability, and explore new ideas or parts of our world. Even a simple game of monopoly can be uplifting if a child experiences an interaction that is uplifting and expansive; however, a simple game of monopoly can be harming when the interaction takes on behaviors that are be-littling, abrasive, or critical. In many cases, the type of activity is not as important as the type of interaction that occurs between the parent and adult.
Going back to the importance of meaning with flow, I would hope that all parents will place an important meaning behind parenting which will likely lead to more opportunities to flow as we become motivated to connect, expand, and build our relationships with our children. It can be a very enjoyable time for both the parent and the child if we seek out opportunities to grow together. Realistically, no parent can experience flow during all parts of parenting. There are many parts of parenting that are extremely difficult, exhausting, and frustrating; however, we can seek to have those times of flow when memories are made and characters are built in both the parent and the child. Happy trails.
Recommended Readings:
Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention
Finding Flow in Everyday Life
Flow (Original Theory of Flow)
(July 2007) (
