Are You Humane Or Just Human - The Abortion Debate - edited and updated

All we can do in life when faced with a choice, is make a decision based on the situation that we are in, and the information that we have at the time; make the decision that seems right at the time; and hope that when the dust settles it wasn't

I don't know how many times I've heard someone talking about the horrors of child abuse and heard the comment, "There are some people in the world that simply should never have children." Many people will agree with that statement. I wonder if you thought the same when you read that comment. What amazes me is when I hear the same person a week later arguing that abortion is a bad thing and should not be considered or forgiven. So where do you stand? Don't answer that. Just read on and think about the answer to that question later.

There are people that believe abortion has its place in society. Others believe that it should never be done under any circumstances, and some women would rather die than have an abortion. And then, there are many levels of thought in between, bringing in all manner of circumstances and exceptions and allowances and forgiveness to the equation. If this wasn't the case, there would never be any issue or debate about it. So what are the issues that cause such debate?

Women that have abortions do so for so many varied reasons. I believe that we should not judge a single one of them for their choice; at least not without all the facts in great detail - including the exact circumstances under which they became pregnant, the circumstances they found themselves in when they found out they were pregnant, their physical and psychological health at the time, their visions of the future, their personal support network and ability to cope with raising a child, the physical development of the baby, and any other extenuating circumstances that may have affected them or their situation. Before we discuss any further whether or not we should be making judgements, or what those judgements should be, about anyone's decision to have an abortion, let's have a look at the main reasons why women do it.

There are two main reasons women have abortions:

1. There may be a medical complication and it has been determined that an abortion is the safest, and sometimes only, option for the woman. The decision on whether an abortion is medically necessary is determined by a doctor, after thorough medical examinations, but it is still up to the woman to decide whether or not she wants to go ahead with it. Sometimes the "medical" reasons are actually more closely related to the second reason women have abortions.  If tests have concluded that the child will most likely be born with a disability, many women choose to abort. The woman may be fine throughout the pregnancy, birth and afterwards, but she may then spend the rest of her life having to care for a disabled child. When this happens, the decision to abort has then become personal.
2. Personal reasons are the most common reasons. This can include that the pregnancy was a result of rape, and some people believe that this is acceptable.  What if it was a one night stand? Is that really that much different? The woman was not intending to become pregnant anymore than she would have if she was raped. She may have consented to sexual intercourse, but she did not consent to being a mother. What if she was in an abusive relationship, or in a relationship that was very unstable? What if the relationship was perfect and she just wasn't willing to become the mother of a child - or another child if she already has one? What about the man? He consented to intercourse, but did he consent to being a father? What about the choices he wants to make in life? Some people might call having an abortion for personal reasons selfish. Is it selfish? Let's look at a few more things before making that judgement.

Most women that have abortions for non-medical reasons were not expecting to fall pregnant. Contraception does not always work, and no matter what anyone does, people are still going to be sexually active. Even if the pregnancy was planned, sometimes circumstances change, and they can change overnight. What was once a wonderful relationship can suddenly turn sour when you find out that the man you are in love with is actually married to another woman, or you give him the news about being pregnant and he suddenly becomes violent and abusive. You may go to the doctor to get some test results to be told you have to go for more tests, and although the baby is fine, you may have cancer or some other horrid disease. Regardless of whether the woman is a drug addicted prostitute, or a kind and loving mother of several children already, if she is not willing to have another child for whatever reason, once she is pregnant, sometimes abortion is the only reasonable choice she has left.

Some people might argue that she has the option of adoption. Of course this is an option, but it isn't always the best option for everyone. Give birth to a child and give it up for adoption and you will spend the rest of your life wondering if the child is okay. What is the child doing? Where is she? Who is she? Does she have a good life? Does she know about you? Will she come looking for you? Will she be hurt and ask you why you didn't want her? How will you answer that? Will she grow up with a low self-esteem believing she is unwanted, or start to think that way when she learns that she was adopted? Will she feel resentful towards you? Will she forgive you? Will she ever understand? There has not been a day that has gone by where I haven't asked myself these questions since giving up custody of my daughter when she was 3 days old. I know what it is like, and I can tell you that it is very hard to live with. Which is really the best option for the mother, or the child? Hold that thought. I'll get onto that in a minute.

Look what happened before contraception and abortions were medically available to the majority of women: poverty stricken families were having children by the dozens, abused and neglected children were so common it was considered normal and there was no protection or help available for them, orphanages were established to cater to the needs of all the kids without family to care for them, and some kids were even sold to more wealthy couples who then used them as slaves to do the chores. I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want to be living in that sort of society. It wasn't that long ago this all changed. How often have you heard about the family that were always fighting, abuse was just another part of their life, the children would go to school black and blue, and no one ever reported it - or if they did, nothing changed? Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh no, the neighbours are at it again! Come inside kids, I don't want you to see that." Maybe you were in that abusive family? Maybe you know someone who was? Maybe your parents were the ones that were asking you to come inside? Or maybe this went on too far away for you to really notice... like a block down the street? If you can say you have never encountered this sort of situation, you are very lucky, very ignorant, or very young. This still happens today, but we no longer just accept it as a normal everyday occurrence. Society's attitude towards child abuse has changed, but the attitude of society towards abortion is still a very heated and emotional issue.

When we consider the situations in other countries, abortion for "selfish" reasons is sometimes the only choice the woman has. Unless things have changed in more recent years (sorry, I haven't looked into whether this is still an issue so I'll assume it is unless I'm told otherwise), in Japan, women don't have the same rights that we enjoy in most of the Western world. They do not have the choice of contraception and the contraceptive pill is illegal. Consequently, Japan has the highest abortion rate in the world, as it is the only choice that a woman has. In China, with their one child policy, if a woman falls pregnant, again, abortion is pretty much the only choice they have left. Is that selfish?

When any man or woman is forced into being a parent against his or her will, it is opening up Pandora's Box. The following risks are increased to the point where we may as well just say that at least one of these things is going to happen to that parent in most cases:

• suffer from Post-Natal Depression.
• suffer from Chronic (long-term) Depression.
• suffer from an anxiety-related mental illness.
• turn to drug or alcohol addiction.
• become suicidal.
• be neglectful towards the child.
• be abusive towards the child.
• lose all sense of self-esteem.
• lose custody of the child.
• end up in a long-term abusive relationship.
• suffer long-term financial hardship.
• turn to a life of crime.

If we are going to talk about morals and ethics, I have to ask, how are any of these things good or right? Can we accept that a child may be brought up under these conditions? No, of course we can't. So why put a child there in the first place? Oh, that's right! We do it because abortion is wrong. Is it really, or is that just our perception of it because we don't want to destroy a life? Destroy who’s life? Good question. When trying to answer who’s life we are destroying, we have to consider, when a woman has an abortion, is she really killing a living baby, or is it just a lifeless foetus? When is it too late to make that decision?

Years ago, in some parts of the world, it was acceptable to abort a baby at any time, even up to two weeks after the child was born. Where do we draw the line? When does a foetus become a baby? When does the life that an abortion terminates begin? Is it when the baby can survive independently from the womb? Is it when the brain starts to develop? Is it when the cells that make up the baby are considered to be living? Guess what! Those cells are "living" before they are even fertilised. So at what point can we say we are not destroying a human life? We can't, because that is exactly what we are doing by terminating a pregnancy. Is destroying this life morally or ethically good or right? Okay, so lets look at the subject of terminating life.

When we have a pet that "needs" to be put down, most people can go through with it and it is generally considered the humane thing to do. Some people will argue that that is wrong, animal life is still life and what right do we have to take it away? Then we eat meat, wear leather, destroy natural habitat, build huge industries, pollute the planet, and purchase all the products off the shelf that perpetuate these problems.

On the other side of the debate, we are not talking about animals, we are talking about children - our own species. Does that make a difference? We, as a species, declare war on each other and kill hundreds of thousands of people in doing so. We, as a species, cause the starvation of millions of people, including children; and hundreds of thousands of people, including children, are slaughtered and murdered everyday. Yes, this mostly occurs in far off countries under the rulership of cruel dictators, but those dictators and their followers, are part of the exact same species as us. They are still human, just like us. That's a bit heavy isn't it? Sorry. Let's take this back to a more local level.

When was the last time you drove 5 km’s per hour over the speed limit? Have you ever answered your phone while driving? When was the last time you drove home from a night out not totally sure if you were under the legal blood-alcohol limit? You know you wouldn't have been too far over the limit if you were, so that's okay, right? No, it's not. People are killed on the roads every day because someone went just that little bit too fast, took just that one phone call, or had that one extra drink. If you don't drive, when was the last time you didn't report a dangerous pothole in the road that might cause an accident? When was the last time you let a friend drive home after they had a couple of drinks? When was the last time you talked to someone on the phone when you knew they were driving? Every time you do these things, you are putting someone's life at risk. You are the killer of a human life waiting to happen. If it's not okay to take a life, why is so socially acceptable to risk taking one?

Even if we don't do it ourselves, how can we sit back and let someone else kill a child? We do it everyday. Yes we do. You don't believe me do you? Every minute of every day we commit this crime, and most of us don't even realise it. Don't feel guilty about it, it can't be helped. When was the last time you purchased a product produced by a major corporation that exploits the people of a poorer country, even allows them to be killed in avoidable industrial accidents, or supports tyrannical governments that that starve and murder their own people? I'll bet it was within the last week, probably within the last day or two. Even when we become aware of it, should we sit back and let it happen? No we probably shouldn't, but we do.

If you have ever seen an innocent and good person suffering horrendous pain from a terminal illness that will end up killing them anyway, the issue of euthanasia becomes a huge debate, and you completely understand why. Would we end a child's life to stop them from having to suffer? Who can make that decision? Maybe we should, maybe we shouldn't. The reality is, most people can't bring themselves to actually do it. On the other hand, all over the world over there are many people that support corporal punishment and the death penalty. People even consider it a privilege to flip the switch on an electric chair. People were grateful when Suddam Husein was executed and his execution was publicly broadcast all over the world - and millions watched. Why is that? Is it okay to end the suffering of a criminal, but not an innocent person? The human race as a whole is nothing short of totally hypocritical, and you, yes you, are human. You are one of them. So am I, and I am very aware of it.

I do not believe that abortion is a good thing. I do not believe that it is a bad thing. I believe that, for many women, it is a necessary thing. I wish I had never been put in a position where I believed it was necessary for me to have one, but I don't wish I could go back and change my mind. I don't ever want to have another, but I would if I believed it was necessary. I do not, have never, and will never judge someone else's decision to have an abortion. This isn't just because I've experienced it myself and would be hypocritical if I did make such a judgement. Even before I ever had one I would not have assumed to know what was best for someone else. I'm not someone else. I am me. I know me better than anyone else. You are you, and you know you better than anyone. Only you can make the decision about what is best for you.

Having an abortion is not an easy thing to go through for anyone, no matter how strong or heartless they may seem to be. To assume otherwise is a completely ignorant mistake to make. There are risks and complications involved. Being unable to have children in the future is one of them. Dying during the procedure is another. Those facts alone make the decision a very hard one. Add in all the moral and ethical issues and it is amazing that anyone is actually able to make that decision at all.

We don't like being forced to do anything that we are not comfortable with. In fact, when it comes to our bodies, if we force someone to do something against their will, it is called abuse. What to do with a pregnancy is no different. We can not force someone to have an abortion and call ourselves a good person. By the same token, we can not force someone to bring a child into the world and think that we are any better. We don't like it when people make negative judgements against us for the decisions that we make in life. Yet so many of us are very quick to make the same judgements of others. That is hypocritical. That is human.

If you believe that it is necessary for you to have a termination, I recommend that you seek good professional counselling both before and after the procedure. If you are feeling pressured by someone else to have a termination, or to not have one, stop listening to that person. Talk about it with those closest to you, especially the would-be-father of the child, if possible. Accept their opinion, listen to their advice, but ultimately at the end of the day it is up to you - and only you - to make that decision.

Whether you have had an abortion or not, whether you are for it or against it, please, respect that everyone is different and every situation is different. Rather than look down upon someone who's opinion or circumstance is different to yours, appreciate that they have their own life to live, their own decisions to make, and that they are human, just like you.

Part of being human is making mistakes, having emotions, and needing the acceptance of others. It means that rejection hurts. Being human and being humane are different however. Being humane is more than just being human. It is having the ability to care for others, to show compassion, and when necessary, having the ability to forgive.

Are you humane, or just human?

Lastly, if you have ever been unfortunate enough to have sat in the waiting room of an abortion clinic, forgive yourself. Any humane person would forgive you, and it may become your first step towards being more than just human.