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 (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) 4.85 (Highly recommend) from 26 votes (126 Visits)

Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated

DarkenedAngel by DarkenedAngel Talking Back(August 2007) (rank 67th)
A little girl at a playground falls over and skins her knee.  It seems that no one notices except an elderly man who is walking past.  He goes over to the girl.  The girl's mother finally notices as the man takes the girl's hand and helps her up and
looks at her legs.  The mother assumes he is a paedophile trying to harm her daughter and becomes abusive.  He only stopped to help the child because it appeared like no one else would.  I stepped in to stop the woman from hitting the old man.  Do we want to live in a society where everyone walks on by and never helps a child in need?

A father takes his young daughter swimming.  Everyone thinks he's being a good parent, in the water interacting with his child.  "If only more fathers did that", everyone says.  What I see, that they don't, is the way that he is touching her under the water - not only inappropriate but blatently illegal.  I received a mouthfull of abuse from several people that assumed he was innocent, when the police arrive to arrest him and the public find out it was me that phoned them.  I was a lifeguard, it was my job to protect the patrons.  Even if I wasn't obligated by my job to phone the police, I would have done the same thing, and I was the one that had to defend myself.  Do we want to live in a society where such child abuse is ignored and children have to suffer?

A man walking down the street is staggering and swaying, having trouble staying upright and can't seem to focus on anything.  People cross the road to avoid him and assume he is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.  He wanders on a little further and collapses.  People walk past him as he lays dying, tired of the increasing number of drunks and druggos on the street.  I called an ambulance.   In actual fact, he had just suffered a stroke and was in desperate need of an ambulance.  Do we want to live in a society where innocent people in need of medical help are literally walked over and ignored?

A separated man and woman are arguing loudly in a public place about their rights over who is entitled to see the children and when.  They are both trying to take the children away from the other and the children are screaming.  Among it all are accusations of abuse, mentions of court orders, and a lot of blaming the other.  Some witnesses step in to help, assuming the man is trying to take the children from the mother against a court order, and hold the man back and allow the mother to take the children to safety.  The police have been called and arrive to arrest the man.  It is then that the truth is discovered.  The mother is in fact the abusive parent, the court order is against her, and now there is a man-hunt to find her before she causes serious harm to the children.  I gave the police a description of the vehicle she left in.  Do we want to live in a world where we judge everyone by a stereotype and put people's lives in danger because we can't stop to consider all the possibilities?

A man starts working late, but he doesn't appear to be earning any extra money.  His interest in being intimate with his wife is starting to dwindle.  After several months she draws to the conclusion that he must be having an affair.  Instead of talking to him about it, she figures that what is good for him should be good for her and she goes out and cheats on him while he is at work.  Revenge is not so sweet when she finds out that he took the extra hours to get the money that he had been saving, to surprise her by paying for a romantic holiday for the two of them to a place she had always wanted to go.  As for the intimacy issue, he was working so hard that he simply too tired.  He was taking some of my shifts at work.  Do we want to live in a world where we always assume the worst, trust no one, seek revenge instead of trying to just sort a problem out, harm others by not thinking things through properly, and become abusive in one form or another at the slightest provocation?

 Yes, all these situations were all real.  Assumptions can help keep us safe, but it can also be a very hostile and even dangerous way to live.  Whenever I see something that looks wrong or out of place, I question whether everything is as it seems, or could I be interpreting it wrong?  Our legal system leaves some room for a thing called "reasonable doubt", why can't we?  Surely we are more intelligent and flexible as individuals that a written system of law!  If a situation can have two or more interpretations, we should be wary and careful to not get caught up in the worst possible scenario, but be prepared to deal with the situation appropriately just in case it is completely innocent.  As much as we don't want to be hurt, we should avoid hurting anyone else as well.  We don't like people judging us, we should avoid being judgemental as well.  It doesn't hurt to politely ask a question.

The world we live in will never be a completey safe place, but it could be a little bit nicer if we could all be a little less presumptuous.

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cazza
4.56 (Excellent) | April 2008 | cazza
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated

Great Advice and so so True.. I have always taught my children to be safe and warned them about stranger danger, but also never Judge a book by its cover...

How sad for those Children and adults in those stories that you  told us, and hope that it will get better for all..

xx cazza



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boredmum
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | boredmum
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated

Great article, awesome advice. We are told to warn our kids of stranger danger when most of the time when they do get abused it is by a family member or a close friend.

It's a sad world we live in when all men get yelled at or dirty looks from trying to help a child.

Cheers Dee.



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cassaustin
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | cassaustin
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated

This is great advice!! My father has been living with chronic pain for the past 2 years. Due to this illness that no doctor can diagnose or treat, he has lost all vision in his right eye, he only has very limited energy, he stammers when he talks and he regularly looses feeling in his arms. When he gets too tired he often collapses. He doent want to go in to town anymore, or visit friends, he doesnt even like talking on the phone to me and my sister because he feels like people judge him.

I'm sure that if people werent so quick to judge, my dad would again want to socialise.



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winja
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | winja
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated
great advice. my mate was walking down the street like the man u spoke of he was staggering and ppl gave him dirty looks he asked ppl for help slurring his speach and they assumed he was a druggie and avoided him he collapsed on the road and dislocated his arm, my friend has epilepsy and no1 would help him until he collapsed and i think only then to get him off the street.


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Aaliyah
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | Aaliyah
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated
Another great post.  I am happy you were able to help. 


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llmunchkin
4.50 (Excellent) | August 2007 | llmunchkin
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated
Turning a blind eye to any sort of abusive, or inappropriate behaviour does nothing to keep us safe... It actually encourages perpetrators to continue.

People that turn a blind eye to protect themselves, and keep their own little bubble all shiny and bright.  In the meantime, their apathy, and ignorance causes the world to become a dark, sharp place - and they will get a rude shock when their bubble pops.

We live in a global community - we need each other to survive - I don't want to survive, I want to live happily, and I want people to know that they can't get away with this.  It is up to all of us to stand together and demand that these people are dealt with, and care for other people, they same as we would have them care for us.


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missnickley
5.00 (Excellent) | August 2007 | missnickley
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated

Its sad but true. Some stereotypes are so ingrained that you dont even realise that you are doing it.
I feel sorry for the poor little girl in the pool but I am glad that you helped hopefully stop it.

Good article.



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nell18-3
4.53 (Excellent) | August 2007 | nell18-3
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated
Great article
I'd forgotten about this one
Loved it last time too
xxx


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cheekymonkey
5.00 (Excellent) | August 2007 | cheekymonkey
Re: Things Are Not Always What They Appear To Be - edited and updated

That's a really good article and resonates so true too.

I was at playground with friends one day children from two family day care groups were also playing. The carers were sitting outside the fenced playground with thier backs to the children, when a little girl fell off the top of the monkey bars all the way to the ground. The carers ignored her cries and it wasn't till my friends husband (as he was closest) went over to her and checked on her and asked her where she was hurt that they actually took any notice. Yet scoiety has become so twisted that he wouldn't touch her out of fear of someone percieving it in the wrong manner, although his own two daughters were there too.

Too often we take the position of the "bystander effect", that someone else will do it, and that infuriates me.



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