Do your undermine your partner in front of your kids?

I used to have a major problem with it. Bad, i know, but listen to my story

When i met my husband, i had my son to someone else. When we were dating, he was fantastic with my son, but when we married, everything changed. he stood up and took on the role of dad, which ment discipline. This came as a huge shock to me, as i never wanted him to disapline my son. I was terrrble. Hubby would growl son, and i would get all up tight and yell at hubby in front of son. I would pick my son up and cuddle him, undermine his authority constantly. Now, in my defence, hubby was awfully hard on this 2 year old. it was like he expected my son to be 2 going on 20. When we had councilling, this issue was bought up. I say, "He is way to hard on the kids." Hubby says, "she is teaching them to not have respect for me."

This was in fact true. Due to personal issue which some of you know about, i infact DID NOT have any respect for him. So of course my children didn't. He growled, they come to me i cuddle, we argue,and kids get there own way. This was an every day pattern, therefore we lived in an extremely unhappy household. This is what we learnt:

* No matter how much you think your partner is in the wrong, DO NOT undermine him/her-Children very quickly pick up on who they can run to, they have very little respect for the other person.

* ALWAYS show a united front-Although when in trouble kids get upset, they secretly love it. They love feeling safe and secure, and seeing their parents united gives them a sense of safety.

*If you have an issue with they way the discipline was handled, wait til its over, and take your partner aside, to talk about it in private. This way you can still voice being unhappy about the way that it was handled, but you dont show your kids that you have taken their side over mummy's or daddy's.

*Think seriously about how you make the other parent feel when you constantly undermine them- It knocks self esteem, it really does. and a parent with no self esteem, can result in children with no self esteem.

This has worked for us. Not only has it made for a happier househild, our kids (especially my son) has alot more respect for dad. Hubby had to make changes too. Whenever we disagree on how a situation is handled, i keep my mouth shut, when its over, i take him lovingly into the bedroom, and give him a slap. Just joking, but i do calmly voice my concerns and how i think it should have been handled in a seperate area. Also try not to immediately disappear in to the bedroom or wherever because kids are smart and will soon pick up on whats going behind the doors also.

Its worth the positive changes. Its a hard habit to break but give it a go and reap the rewards of it!I hope this has helped!!!