Re: angry toddler what do i do ??
Asked by MikeysMom

Question:
so i need help !!!! my son is 2 1/2 and all he does is tell me no to everything, if he doesnt get his way he whines and crys till he

gets his way. He has no regard for listening to me on anything ( even running in the street ) i spank him, yell at him, ut him in time out and take things away.... recenty he has been getting hateful even towards the dog for no reason. Just the other day after his nap i tol him he couldn't do something and as he was sitting o the couch he proceeded to kick me in the face !!! his dad wants no part in helping with it he thinks cause he sees him once a week and pays the 700 a month in child support that is his only part in his son .... my fiance is gettting ready to go on a 7 month deployment and my son has already got me to the point of pulling my hair out anytime my fiance is not here i can't even get my homework done if he is awake i need help !!!!!!!!!! please

These are some things I learned the :o( very hard way... If your son/daughter is hungry, angry, lonely or tired (H.a.l.t.) he will act out, as he doesn't have words yet for what he needs/wants to express how he feels, so "you have to halt"  to figure out which of the four things would help him calm down. Ignore the "no's", he hears you say"no", so he says it back to you when he is frustrated.  Yelling, spanking, hitting will only teach him to do these things, instead, "consistency", put him in time out in one place, a special chair, or corner, tell him what he did is wrong, then walk away, him for 2 1/2 minutes. If he gets up, don't speak, pick him up and put him back...as many times as needed so he knows for sure when you say "timeout" you mean it.  When you come back say again what he did wrong, what the correct behavior is, have him say sorry to dog, you, and then hug and say you love him to reassure him that he is "not bad" the  "behavior is not acceptable/goes against house rules for safety"  I also did a "calm out" for my son (and for me to defuse my frustration) because of sensory issues, and over stimulation, I'd just have a corner with books, crayons, paper, Legos or whatever so he could choose (all kids like control over their environment just like adults) and I'd say "when you have calmed your self down, then you can join me ....Catch him doing "good things" read to him, snuggle with him, lego's were my saving grace, I don't know what I would have done without them, you should see what my son builds now...unreal!  My son was very similar, it took me many years and tears, frustration and anger to really understand "love the child and don't tolerate the unsafe behavior...not bad boy or naughty boy". I would punish him *as I was punished by my mother*for what was not in his control. If you can, try to understand what happens before he gets angry..frustrated.  You have to stick tight,and not give in to whinning, the best way to do this is to divert his attention to something he likes.  Spend time with him on the floor.  Your pet dog is a way for him to vent his frustration, negative attention is better than no attention. Try using "be gentle with doggy...all animals" "Hitting or Kicking etc are against the safety rules. The word no does nothing to change his thought or behavior.  If you have no support from father, don't expect it and frustrate yourself  with "why's".  If your fiance is in the service hook up with some mom's, or start a mom's group with other toddlers, good socialization for the kids, and a way for you to not feel alone.  $700. a month is not bad. I only get 535 a month and have been single since before the birth of my son.  Start now for a "quiet time right after lunch" if your son naps, then "rest" when he does.  I worked my way from napping to him playing in his room for an "hour". Don't try to do everything while he is sleeping,  read a book, take a shower, shave your legs....be kind to yourself...if you are on "empty" then your mothering will be on empty also.  Fill your cup and you will find when you treat yourself well, and don't feel deprived...then you will have more energy to deal patiently with your son's behavior.  A wonderful book, "The Explosive Child" will be a good addition to your mothering library...and talking about library's, they have a multitude of groups for little kids, and all are Free!!! get out of the house and let him run on a playground...let him push objects like wheelbarrow, or move chairs....fresh air, exercise will help him release frustration and get him tired. You too! It is a proven medical fact that exercise will help with the blues or depression, also reduction of trips to the refrigerator for comfort food. I hope the above helps, my sympathy goes to you and your fiance, I wish the both of you well on your journeys.   My son is now 11, and the best thing that ever happened to me despite the hardships, he will always be my " angel with horns" and that I have learned is just being a boy. Simba1