the work behind a blended family...

hi to all,

now this is a topic very close to my heart so the next piece of advice is purely my opinion and i would love to hear others views of this...i don't want to upset anyone with the words written below they are just from my own

now the difference between blended family and step family are as follows.

step family: is where the parents be it one or both have children from a previous relationship but none together.this has step siblings.

blended family :is when one or both of the parents have children or a child from a previous relationship but also have a child together.this has half siblings.

now when i grew up i had half siblings on both my mothers and fathers side very complicated but now that i am married and have babies of my own i also have a step daughter who is now 6 years old but i have been in her life since she was 7-8 months old.                                            i have had many ups and downs from being a biological mother and a step parent both equally hard. i love my step daughter very much but have found as she grows that my love for her is not like that i have for my own children whom i carried for 40 odd weeks but that of a love you give to some very special in your life, like nieces and nefews or your bestriends children. from having this knowledge that i am not her mother but can be a very positive role in her life i feel impowered to know that yes i get frustrated and yes i dislike the biological mother( due to some very personal issues)  but that my step daughter and i will always be friends as long as i don't try to over throw the bio mum and if i don't try to be the boss of my step daugher but guide her in life and be a support for her. i have learnt to take a step back let the bio parents be just that THE PARENTS and my role is to support them as best as i can. when i am left in charge of my step daughter i treat it just as a babysitting role you be respectful and caring but must remember that at the end of the day you follow the guidelines set by the parents. this has worked very well with my step daughter and i to know that we are there for each other and i will take care of her but that at the end of the day i am not taking her away from her real parents. this i find gives the child comfort to know that they are loved all that more by an extra person but that they don't have to choose between parents so they don't feel confused or torn between people that is simply not fair to anyone any age. when my step daughter is present in my house she is treated the same as my two sons and is not left out of major household discisions and has to follow our rules but then when at her mothers follows the rules of that house. we try to respect the values and opinions held by the bio mum but at the same time give our step daughter the positive values and opinions of our own lives, she has the right to know both her mother family and her fathers family without negitive interference by either side.

i guess what my advice is here today is for parents to be just that parents and if you are blessed with step children do respect them and allow them to have the child parent relationship with their parents be their friend ,support and guidence but don't make them choose don't make them a pawn in battles that are not of their making ( ie the battle of the exs) they are people too treat them as this. not every family situation is the same and not one blended familys methods work for another but do try to take that step back give help an advice but do not take away someone elses right to parent their child ( providing they are fit to take on the role, with out harming the child)as you would not want it done to you doesn't matter how much you dislike the other person.