Re: HELP ME PLEASE
Asked by tracy1178
Question:
Hi i need help my youngst is 27months old and in pre school for 3 days a week. However he is biting pinching and hitting kids at school. He was doing at home 2 but
not as much anymore. he did it to a little girl today and i felt so bad. I and the pre school have tried the time out spot but he just gets worse and starts lashing out at me or the teacher. I am so confused to what to do i have 5 kids but none of them have done this before. Should i take him out of pre school. he is such a beautiful boy. But i am just lost with what to do. Can you get him to a developmenttal neuroliogist for an assessment? You may want to get smething from your ped-dr to refer you for this type of testing.
My son did the same thing!!! ...I truly feel for you :o( I can not tell you how many times we left purchases in the stores, left play grounds, beach, groups at library etc. I became so angry and frustrated because I thought he understood and was doing this because it got him what he wanted. It will be a challenge for you to deal with his behavior in a way which reduces the aggressive and replace it with using his words.
Every child is different, so what I write is what I learned in hind sight for my son, and for me to keep us both safe and him to learn social rules. Punishments such as a smacking on the bottom, arm that did hitting, leg or thigh that did kicking or a physical body holding when he was tantruming, are not effective and can escalate the aggressive response to a full rage, and he is shut down at this point, and can not comprehend or even hear. FBA: Liken his behavior to someone who has drunk too much...wild behavior, doesn't remember anything, does crazy things using "alcohol' as the trigger, AA/al anon to address the correction/outcome is remaining sober." ABA: Sober...happier home/AA reward and socialization support...Keeps sober, is proud of his accomplishment.
FBA: functional behavior assessment this is to observe without intervention for triggers, behaviors, and to assess a plan or chart, a ground zero start, and find methods to have behaviors "wrong ''addressed for correction, and get to 100% behavior through positive methods. Break it down to find problem replaced correction increase safe behavior.
ABA: applied behavior analysis focus on the.. start behavior, outcome..of any negative actions, a plan is set up to catch, reward for good positive behavior, and teach through actions and words by role play, or token economy a reward system, or to just pick up and redirect to another actively stating, playing safe is a rule in this school, play here for a few minutes and follow school rules, then you can come back and play...the
When ..Then: method..when you sit nicely at the table, then we can eat lunch. when you eat a good lunch we then can go to the park to play. Good Job! ^5..way to go, are some praise phrases to use. Finished healthy meal....lets use the bathroom and then go play together...I can't wait to play with you....yes, long winded, however you will find the level of happy increase in both, and the positive of "sugar" works better than the negative of "vinegar" at a very young age I started my son using the bathroom before we left the house....sure does save time, less icky bathroom visits in public, and wet pants too!!! Rather, try to have his pre-school teachers (and you to set up the same system and rules for consistent behavior. When you want something/then you need to use your words and ask nicely?
Time out: in a quiet, non-stimulation area, for 2.5 minutes, a firm, non=guilt, boundary for safe play . example: "you may play with sally, you may not hit, hitting is unsafe" If you hit sally again, you will have a time out, express what was done, time out is consequence, turn back and walk away...if he gets up, don't say anything, pick him up and put him back until he stays for the full time. If he is truly as strong willed as my son....your arms will be tired and your teeth will be clenched!!! However, by not giving in to crying or tantrum, you are showing him "you are the adult, he is the child, when you say something, you mean it" consistency is SO important, other wise you will be chasing him, yelling and be so frustrated...giving up will look really good...been there done that...in the long run..twice the work has to be done to get behavior addressed..."firm, quiet voice, the less emotion the better, if you find you are getting too angry, get someone to take your place, or say I need to use bathroom, I want you to stay in the chair, when I get back you can get up and you can play again...Big Boy, stay in your time out chair. When you go back, after deep breathing and counting to 1000 instead of 10, if he has stayed.
Give him immediate credit, catch him doing good stuff, of "good job, you stayed in the chair" not "good boy/bad boy you stayed/got up" can you see the difference, one addressed the following of directions, the other is punitive and gives him 'good boy/ bad boy"that effects how he sees him self and the others around him will see either good/or bad....took me Ages to figure this out. The reason I stress this is because his self image as he grows older may not be so good, and as he gets bigger and stronger you will want him to listen and respect what you say...otherwise...big big problems.. My ds, John, felt/thought not only about the behavior, but that he was a bad, hurtful, boy for things he was not able to control or stop...everything he did was wrong, and would not take a risk for fear of doing something wrong....despite him saying to me from 3-6 "I understand..no hitting,biting,kicking" he could not "stop" because he didn't have the words to express what he wanted or express his frustration, nor the control over his impulsive actions to get what he wanted. I wrote an article the other day about angry kids, please check my homepage. If you are unable, please check this book out at your local library "What to Expect in the Toddler Years" and "The Explosive Child" I think both of those books with a lot of patience will help you to www.flylady.com the purple lady who pats my back, she also had great tips from A to Z. Take care, All the best to you. Simba1
