I am writing this as I have come across a comment that really upset me. The person has been deleted from the system but I still think it needs to be put out there again what Minti is supposed to be about.
I was not the only one who
found the comment offensive and not the only one to report it. I felt that the comment also attacked me as a parent for the way I choose to discipline my children (who are finally starting to get the idea of reasoning!).
I will be writing this with my views included. It will not be an attack on other Minti users. Far from it. I plan to open your eyes to how negative behaviour and comments can impact not only on a persons mental wellbeing but also on their parenting skills.
Every parent deserves to feel as though they are doing a good job of raising the next generation. Let's face it, it is the most difficult, thankless job you can have. As parents we are under paid, stressed and underappreciated. Yet, we still do the best we can for our children and families.
No one has the perfect child or family and we have to raise our children and deal with our situations the best way we can. Everyone lives in different circumstances and raises their children differently. All of us need to be tolerant of other people's skills, views and choices.
Publicly shaming a person for how they decide to discipline their child is not the best way to go. Voicing your opinion or offering other helpfull suggestions is a far more positive and effect way of helping someone who is not quite handling things.
Negative and abusive comments can severley affect a persons mental state. They can start to believe what they are hearing and begin to believe they are no good. Their quality of life can go down hill really quickly. They can suffer from depression or even try to take their own life. It is true. It is just the same with children who grow up being told they are useless. They live that way, turn to drugs, become career criminals etc.
Just because the person you are dealing with is an adult doesn't make the negative affects any less dangerous. Parents are already stressed enough and you never know when they are standing on the edge.
Feeling bad about ourselves can affect our parenting skills too. We may be slower to react to dangerous situations. We might be tired all the time. We might cry all the time, or widthdraw from society. All these are just some of the affects, but they are pretty serious.
Every parent does the best job they can. Every parent is also able to grow and expand their parenting skills. I am. Finding new ways of dealing with our kids and noting the ones that work and the ones that don't is a great way to raise your kids. Each child is different, have different needs, but all children are precious, and so are their parents.
Next time you read something you don't like, stop and really think about it. Does this person really deserve to be punished for doing the best job they can? The answer should be no. Instead try to be patient with them, they need understanding too, and you as the reader may not have all the facts.
There is enough intolerance and negativity from the world around us and we really don't need it here where we are supposed to be having fun.
Please make sure you turn your negative ideas around and present them in a positive way. You could also make suggestions on how you would do things, but don't make them sound like the only way to do things because they aren't.
Here on Minti be a friend. Share your thoughts, ideas and advise but please make sure you are not upsetting other members. I believe that nasty comments and behaviour is against policy and the ideals that Minti offers all of us.
If you can't be nice to someone then don't write anything! Bite your tongue instead and walk away. No one wants to hear that they are not a good parent or that you have all the answers.
And for all Minti members, let's make sure this is a happy place where we can grow through each and every members experiences with children. We all have children in common (or soon will) and it is great to share!
To all of you who were affected by the comment, let's just be supportive of each other and know that we are here for the offended member. She is doing the best job she can and is growing as a parent like the rest of us.
Positive parenting makes for happy, well adjusted adults. Negative parenting makes room for adults who don't know what life is really about. It also leads to a lot of society's problems.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Hope you have a great day!
(August 2007) (
Shelley
