When Children Lie

Lets face it.....all children lie and if they haven't, then they will........

I've had to deal with it recently when my son was a target of a bully at school. He didn't start the fight but he defended himself when no-one came to his defense. I have always told him that violence is wrong, so when this fight happened and the boys were punished by the school I was lead to believe by Zak that he didn't fight back even though later on I found out that he did.

When I found out that he had lied to me I was furious......I asked him why he felt he had to lie to me. He said because he was scared.......Well....it broke my heart to hear that my boy was too scared to tell me what had really happened and why.

He thought I would be angry at him for defending himself when no-one else did........how could he think like that???? I had a very long talk to him about it and he understands now, that yes, violence is wrong......but when someone is hurting you and you can't get away then it's okay to defend yourself.

After all this happened I was very confused and worried about how my son could not feel he could come to me and tell me the truth, so I went looking on the net and here are some interesting things I found out that hopefully will help other parents......

• Try not to blame yourself for your children's lies.......it's a normal part of growing up....remember back to your childhood and the lies you told........
• Instead of focusing on the lie, try to focus on why the child has lied.
• When confronting your child about a lie, try to be calm and open to listening, rather than going in angry and defensive.
• The word Lie is a very negative word, instead try to use a phrase such as...."you need to be honest with me"
• Children often lie beacuse they are scared or intimidated.
• Acknowlege your child's feelings and let them talk openly with you about their feelings or what is happening in their lives.
• The more open and honest you are with you child, the more open and honest they will be with you.
• Talk to your children about lying and how it makes you as a parent feel and how they would feel if someone lied to them.
• Ask questions that lets your child tell their story without putting words in their mouths.
• Let them lead the converstation, it gives them the chance to own the lie and explain it using their own feelings.
• Emphasis it's the actions that have hurt you and not your child. "I'm upset that you felt you had to lie to me"
• Lastly always finish with telling and showing your child how much you love them and that nothing will ever change that.

I have always told my son that even though he will get into trouble for doing the wrong thing, he will get into much more trouble if he lies about it...........And of course I always let him know just how much I love him even though I may get angry at his actions.

I got a lot of my info from : http://www.familyresource.com

Happy Parenting to you all.............

Amanda xxxxxxx