Hello ,, This has been long time comming for me to write down all about my childhood abuse experiences

In no way this is easy to write down what has happened to me from the day i was born

we all  go though many emotions from the

there are many forms of abuse and neglect

these are what i have gone though

Neglect

Physical and emotional abuse

some of theres i strongly remember some of these i have been told by other family members

who have also gone though this and have their own horrible stories to tell ,I can not begin to imagion what they also went though and what they saw even before i came into this world.

Im the youngest of 5 in my family

we where not rich or even poor just I would say Middle class

parents had a house and a buisness a coupple of cars ...

To this day it makes me wonder why they just didnt give me up or why they even had 5 children

This i will tell you also that some of it i have been told from my parents over and over again from the day i was born untill my teen years

my parents had 3 girls before me and then 1 boy ..

the son was the pride and joy as he wil carry on the family name that means alot to my so called Sperm doner

when my mother found out that she was pregnent with me i was told that she was on the pill and i was indeed a mistake

but they went ahead with it beleiving that i will also be another boy they had hoped for

from the moment that i came into this world and they where told ITS A GIRL was the worse thing that could have happened to my so called parents ,,

My father has always told me that he told the nurse to throw me out the window and that i was useless to him

My name in hoping that i was to be another son was going to be Michael, they didnt have any girl names as thats not what they wanted another girl ..

my eldest sister and the nurse came up with my name as they refused to even bother with me ..

I was bottled fed from the get go as there clearly wasnt going to be any bonding here at all ( i was told this by them)

I had also been told and being as a toddler i also clearly remember that my god mother always had come very early to the house in the morning and left late at night ,,, that she was the one with the hands on to bring me up and feed and change me and bath me and put me to bed etc,,

to me my god mother was my mother i had no bond every with my parents at all ..

i remember telling my oldest sister that i love my god mother more cause shes the one that looks after me all the time and that she is my mummy not the other woman ,, my sister being a child herself was trying to correct me by telling me that the god mother isnt acualy my mother and this had upset me ,, i remember following her up the stairs crying to her telling her to stop telling me that the other woman was my mother .. she in turn told my mum this not knowing what would happen next ,,,i herd alot of argueing with my god mother and my so called mother , I never saw my godmother again .. it was scarey... this woman was with me day and night from the time i was born nurtering me loving me and protecting me as much as she could while she was there ,,,,

I do remember being hit alot as a little one but had no idea as to why these other people where hitting me and didnt know how to make them stop,, i was soo scared to even open up my mouth to talk as every time i did i got hit for no reason ..

this was the start of my nightmere .. I decided then at just a few years of age to stop talking all together , I was too scared to be even seen arround the house for the fear of being hit all the time ( im sure the other girls where getting this treatment also )

( ive been told by my egg doner that i did indeed stop talking for a few years )

end of part one as i need to have a break as this is extremely hard for me to write about