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I have found that my three year old always wants to “help” me. With dinner, with the dishes, with the laundry, with everything that is grown-up. I was finding myself turning her offers down regularly out of convenience. Most parents know that it’s easier to do the work
alone, without little hands undoing what’s been done or doing something that in turn needs to be redone. It can be exhausting, all that extra “doing”! But after talking to a friend, who before she had her kids was a Montessori teacher, I began to change my “No” to “Yes”. She stressed to me the importance of letting my kids help me, in their own way so that they could feel like valuable members of our family. By encouraging their enthusiasm and allowing them to pitch in with the daily duties we can help foster their self-esteem and sense of worth. Not only that, but we can lay the groundwork for the future. When kids understand the importance of family teamwork, it’s something they will continue to participate in as they get older, even if it’s merely out of habit. Working together to get dinner on the table, let’s say, teaches kids that it’s not just about someone magically providing them with a hot meal. When they see what goes into it; the work, the love, the time, and that they are a part of that, they will better appreciate it.
Since I have begun to let my youngest get involved with the household activities I have seen her independence flourish. It’s always not easy for me, I’ll admit, to let her wash the dishes when I know that even just getting the sink “ready” for her to do the chore (only for me to have to really do it when she’s finished) is so much more trouble than if I told her “no”. But, I have watched her as she has stood up at the sink, deliberately and pretty effectively using the soap and sponge, singing a happy song, totally content, determined, and engaged in the task. I watch her mimic me, how I wash dishes, my mannerisms, my “style” and I am delighted she has observed me so carefully and that I have taught her these things just by doing them.
I have had the same experience as I have allowed her to help with the laundry. She loves nothing more than to throw piles of dirty clothes down stairs, drag them to the washer, toss each piece over the edge and ask, “Hold me up now so I can see”! And to have her with me as I fold clean laundry, playing “nest” with the warm clothes, joyfully knocking over piles of what I’ve already folded, only to help refold. It does take me twice (or maybe three times) as long but I think in the end, it’s all worth it.
(July 2006) (
