Peer Pressure Proof Your Teen

Peer pressure is a very powerful force for your teen. If you are going to raise a teenager that is strong enough to combat this pressure then you will have to give her opportunities to practice resisting general consensus or popular ideas. Guess what mom and dad...this also means your authority and your opinion. I'll bet many of you are ready to backspace out of this article at this point but stick with me for a minute.

Think about this, the only people your children spend time with is either family or friends. They are either with you or at school, a neighbor's house, church, part-time job, or sports team. If you want to raise strong children when they are outside of your influence then you must give them a safe place to practice.

Here are 3 ways to Peer Pressure Proof your teen:

1. Ask them what they think. Teenagers have fascinating views on everything from politics to religion to current trends. The key to this is to listen without judgement. Did you hear that last part...without judgement. When your teen has an opposing view (from your own) the best response to keep the conversation going is "that's interesting, how did you come to that conclusion"? Allow them to have unique ideas and the freedom to share. This will teach them that having a different view is acceptable and encouraged. A requirement for resisting peer pressure.

2. Stop telling them what to do and start teaching them to think about consequences. If parents implemented this one technique, arguing could be eliminated. It is human nature to defend ourselves when someone tries to tell us what to do...husbands resists nagging wives, employees resist authoritarian bosses...if we could recognize that our teen is also a human and prone to resist, we could change the dynamic. I recommend teaching consequences instead.

As parents our job is to teach our kids to function independently in society. This means having the skills to evaluate their choices and decisions. The earlier you start the better. I allow my kids to make mistakes and suffer consequences. For example when my son was in preschool he threw a fit and stomped a plastic school bus. Instead of getting angry or punishing him I made him give his identical, personal school bus to the school's owner. It was quite a sacrifice for him and he hurt deeply by having to give up a personal possession but he never damaged another toy.

When it comes to peer pressure your teenager needs to know how to evaluate the consequences of giving in. It may be harm to oneself or to others, it may be losing the keys to the car, it may be spending the night in jail for breaking the law. As parents we rush in to protect our kids from suffering but suffering is a great deterrent for bad choices. If we do not provide a safe environment for kids to learn consequences when they are relatively minor, many kids will face very harsh realities from society as adults. Teach them to think the situation through to the end. What will happen if...then what...then what...then what. Many times teens give in to peer pressure because they are stuck in the moment right in front of them. By teaching them to carry the situation out to the end and evaluate all possible outcomes, you provide them with a valuable skill to navigate out of the current situation.

3. Teach them to be independent from the opinion of others. This is a hard one to teach parents but if you get it the results are amazing. Teach your kids to look within themselves for the right answer and not to worry what other people think...including you (the parent). When my kids bring tough issues to me I always ask them what their heart or gut is telling them. Then I make it very clear that it doesn't matter what I think. I don't want my kids to make decisions based on pleasing me, this leads to a lifetime of inner conflict, addictions, discontent, relationship issues, etc... Instead teach them to hear their inner voice.

These skills are tough for most parents but start small, practice one a day until they start to feel more natural. Tell your teenager what you are doing. If you have never allowed your teen to have a differing view, start the conversation with "I want to teach you how to have your own opinions when you are with your friends...this will help you with peer pressure later in life...will you help me by sharing one belief that you know will make me uncomfortable?

If you can do these...you will always sleep good at night knowing that your teen has the skills to resist the force of peer pressure.