Biting and agressive behaviour when out at a playcentre!!!

Q. My 2 year old has just started biting and it is becoming a problem at soft plays and other places with children, how can I explain that this is not appropriate behaviour?

A. Although it is important to give reasons for why toddlers can and cannot

do things it’s important to keep it simple and not get into long explanations. You must be very clear that this is definitely not acceptable, but keep the explanations for when your child is older. It is important that your wording is short and clear and that there is a suitable consequences for this behaviour in order that your child learns not to be aggressive.

·       Make sure that your child is getting enough attention for when he behaves well so as to reinforce positive behaviour, and make a sharp contrast between how you are when your child behaves negatively. Use descriptive praise and actively look for opportunities to reward good behaviour with looks, touch and words. For example a smile, a hug and “that was a lovely thing to do, well done” Praise constantly when your child is being kind, friendly and also just playing nicely or being quiet.

·       When your child bites, act immediately! Go to your child and holding his arms at the shoulders firmly but not aggressively, get down to his level and say simply but very firmly “No! Biting is NOT OK!” only once with a face that says you mean business.

·       Then remove your child from the area and sit or stand him in a corner of the room or take him to the toilet area for a 2 minute time-out. This is a very important consequence and will teach your child a very clear message. That negative behaviour will not be rewarded with attention. Instead there will be no gain from this behaviour.

·       After the 2 minutes is up, again get down on his level and simply say “You got a time out for biting, because biting is not ok!”

·       Then take your child back to the child he bit and get him to apologise, if not with words, then with a wee hug.

·       Then distract, distract, distract! Involve your child in something fun or look out the window at something. Use your imagination but keep the tone upbeat now as the mood should now be happy. This gives a message that when your child behaves well he gets rewarded with attention. If he fusses ignore him till he is quiet and then try again.

·       Lastly try to involve your child in a nice game with the other child and praise him for playing nicely if he does so, but ignore him if he starts to fuss and moan. If he bites again time him out again and if he does it 3 times, I think it’s time to go home and this gives a very clear message that this is not acceptable, as actions speak louder than words with toddlers!

Remember the Ask Nanny golden rule "The behaviour that gets rewarded gets repeated!"

For more professional parenting advice, parenting products and one-to-one consultations via phone or internet (Internationally) and home visits in Scotland visit http://www.ask-nanny.com/