A Simple Trick for Averting Power Struggles with Your Child

I do it too, often.  It is good.  I think that i used to do it more than I do it right now, but now we have an understanding.  We just look at each other and there are nuance in our tone that others may not notice, but we know.
Peace
EF.x 

thanks for sharing your perspective.  I offer this tip as a suggestion for parents who are finding themselves threatening, getting angry, yelling, or using physical coercion to try to control their kid's behavior.  It sounds as though you are not getting into those situations, so this technique may not be of interest to you. 

However, on the other side of the continuum, sometimes even the most easy-going parents can become resentful if their child wants to negotiate EVERYTHING (it makes it awfully hard to get through the day's activities).  This technique can help with that issue as well, as it restores proper balance - parents responsible for their own actions, kids responsible for theirs.  no bullies, no doormats.

This model of self responsibility is a healthy, sustainable one that supports respect and a high level of functioning for both parties in the relationship, and is useful not only in parent/child relations, but adult/adult as well.  It helps folks to remember who and what they truly have control over, and to focus their efforts where they have a pretty reasonable expectation of success.   ie: I cannot easily control what you are saying, but I can most certainly control where I am standing while you are speaking!

as a side note - the tone of delivery is very important.  this technique is not to be used as a threat.  it is a gentle, kind explanation of a consequence, delivered in a neutral tone as if you are reporting what's for dinner.   simple cause and effect.  respectful notification with no agenda.  it is not an advanced form of coercion or manipulation.  you must be truly fine with whatever the child chooses, and then calmly follow through.  this keeps the focus on his choice, and gives him the opportunity to link up cause and effect without the lesson becoming derailed by your emotion or his fear/anger at you.

I hope this clarification is helpful.  If I raised more questions than I settled, let's keep talking.

:)k

I see. Well, you're right. If the parent is at the end of his/her rope and about ready to man-handle the child, this may very well indeed stop things from escalating any further.