Single Moms and Dating

As a single mother, dating is often very difficult.  Trying to find a babysitter who will be able to stay out late, dealing with your own guilt at leaving your children, and wondering when it is right to introduce someone new to your children.  All of these are concerns

First and foremost, you need to realize that you deserve to have some time for yourself.  You need a break from your daily stress and struggles.  Make sure you always explain to your date that you have children.  I know so many women who are afraid to tell anyone that they have kids, for fear of rejection.  That is precisely why you need to tell your date.  If he is the kind of person who would not want to date a woman with children, then you need to know that up front, because he is definitely not the right kind of person for you!  In my many years of being single and dating, I never found the fact that I had three kids to be a problem.  My happiness, confidence and pride in my children always seemed to show through.  Like they say, attitude is everything. 

Make sure you are always aware of the "red flags" that a person gives off.  Women often tend to overlook the signs of a bad partner, which later, after the relationship has ended they often say that they felt it wasn't right, but just ignored it.  Realize that you and your kids deserve nothing but the best!  Do not settle, you are worth a lot more than you think.  Even if you don't have the confidence yet to believe in your own self worth, you know that your children deserve nothing but the best.  Trust your instincts and  when someone makes you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or just plain bad about yourself, move on.  There are many wonderful guys out there ready and willing to be a part of your life.

Do not let your kids make you feel guilty.  They will always try to, but just remind them that they would not like it if you never let them spend time with their friends?   This tends to make them see you as a person and not just a "mom".  Once they realize that you need time for yourself too, it no longer becomes an issue.  If your children are young, I would schedule dates a little later so that I would put the children to bed and they never even realized that I had been gone.  My babysitter was a neighbor and her parents would often let her sleep over.  Try and find a neighbor or family member that can watch the kids, the guilt you feel for going out becomes a lot easier when you realize that the children are sleeping the whole time you are away.  Remember that the guilt you feel is normal, we all feel it, but you deserve to treat yourself to some fun also.

Introducing your children to someone new should happen only after you have made sure that this person is a quality, stable, supportive, confident and caring person.  Make sure you talk to your children about this person and that they feel okay with meeting them.  If they are not ready to, don't force the issue.  They will eventually come around, especially when they notice how happy this person makes you.  Your children want you to be happy, they just need time to warm up to the fact that another person other than their father is making you happy.  

Go out and be the wonderful, confident, and happy person that you used to be.  The person that you thought was long gone, the person that you are beginning to discover and once again like.  You deserve the best and you need to learn how to believe in yourself again.   Your happiness is in direct correlation with your children's happiness.  Go out and find your passion for life, love and adventure!  Your children will thank you!