Getting Creative with Discipline

Disciplining our children is always a challenge.  Sometimes the biggest challenge is figuring out what consequence to give for which behavior.  It is always best to try to use natural consequences where possible.  So what is a natural consequence?  Here are some examples:

• Child throws
  a toy -> the toy gets taken away
• Child hits -> child is removed from the situation and placed in time out
• Child makes a mess -> the child cleans it up

You get the picture, right?  There are a number of benefits to using natural consequence:

• They encourage problem solving
• Children are able to learn to anticipate consequences and, thus, begin to modify their behavior

When natural consequences are used consistently, you are hard wiring your child's brain to think:  Whenever A happens, it is followed by B.  Jump ahead fifteen years and consider the college student.  A child who has learned to think about the potential consequences of his behaviors is going to make better decisions as he is looking to the future of his well-being.

The problem with random consequences is that they are often unrealistic and unenforceable.  Consider the parent who out of frustration with a child's sassy mouth takes away the television for three months.  Maybe some very diligent parents out there would be able to enforce this type of consequence, but most of us would give in after a week or two.  A natural consequence for a sassy or disrespectful mouth could be sending the child to their room until they can come out and talk sweetly.  So let's look to the future again.  What happens when we are grouchy or disrespectful at work?  People usually say "I'll talk to you when you are in a better mood" and we are left to wallow in self-pity.  Natural consequence?  Ugly attitude = nobody wants to be near me.

But what about those occasions when our kids behavior throws us for a loop?  When we are left thinking "How in the world to I deal with this?!"  That's when we have to get creative.  Like this mom from Grand Rapids.  Check out her story.

While her son's consequence was not "natural," she did follow some of the basic rules when getting creative with discipline: 

• Delay the consequence.  When in doubt, delay the consequence.  This is a basic tenant of the Love and Logic parenting approach.  As creative as the consequence was in the afore mentioned story, I'm guessing that Travis' mom took her time to think that one up.  Delaying the consequence has an added bonus in that it gives kids time to sweat it out.  I remember sweating it out MANY times as a teen.  Sometimes the anxiety caused in thinking about what was going to happen was much worse than the actual consequence.  In addition, delaying the consequence shifts the balance of power from the child to the parent.
• Know your child's currency.  To use a Dr. Phil phrase, you need to know your child's currency.  What is important to them?  For some kids, it's video games.  For others, it may be money.  For little ones, it may be toys.  Now mind you, I'm not a big proponent for taking things away from kids, but sometimes we are left with few options.  It is preferable to make the consequence something your kids will remember.  I recall an incident where my son misbehaved.  Instead of taking TV or computer time, his dad put him to work moving the wood pile.  In the case of Travis' mom, she clearly knew the currency for her teen:  public humiliation.  I bet young Travis will think twice before goofing off at school or any where for that matter knowing that his mom is a creative disciplinarian.

I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on how the mom from Grand Rapids handled this situation.  Do you think it was too harsh or do you think she handled the situation effectively?  Post your thoughts!