SAD TO SEE MY FRIEND GETTING BEATEN UP BY HER BOYFRIEND

it true what you said...

you can only help as much as you can... if they don't want to help themselves in the end, than who can.

Although I agree with you view that you need to protect yourself emotionally in this situation and you clearly feel deep loyalty to you friend, you have a moral obligation to inform child services, and in the case of your friend being assaulted, the police.  The children in that home are at risk and need someone looking out for them.  I'm sure your friend is devoted to her children but whilst she chooses to remain in that situation her children are at risk.  A bonus that comes with getting the situation out in the open is that you friend is more likely to be able to access the support she needs to get herself out of a painfully difficult situation.

even if she your friend the kids are there they see all they hear all and some time the childern are also abused i have been there myself and all i wanted was some one to come and take me away some time its best if you speak up to child service i know you dont want to but it might help her to get out of there so her and the kids can both be safe god bless

Alot of people take advantage of a kind, warm & generous heart. I have been on both sides of this story. I have been in an abusive relationship where he ended up in prison doing life due to the assault I received which ended up in the loss of a baby. It only can take one hit in the wrong place. Ultimately, it is for her to decided to stay or leave- there are not any other options and if she is receiving this form of treatment while pregnant I can only imagine it happens when she is not. As hard as it may sound, she has to make the choice to better her life and the life of her children by leaving... they are obviously not safe in that environment.

However, I know how easy it is to say "leave" for those not going through it. My ex was a very abusive and violent man. Threatened if I left he would kill me. Time and time again until I eventually did leave and it resulted in my loss. However, as hard as it may sound, it would have been harder to stay and have a baby suffer through that form of abuse, growing up and thinking that is the way to treat those we claim to love. There is no formula for happiness, other than what we make for ourselves despite what is thrown our way.

Then again, I have also been giving to friends going through the same, who cannot make ends meet and the children suffer because of it. It is hard to see children go hungry. In my case, a very close friend of mine had 3 girls. Their cupboards were always empty. Although she was not going through abuse with her spouse (that I knew, seen or heard of), they were taking drugs. Their habit took up all their welfare because neither worked or could be bothered working. Whatever the case may be. Due to being  mother, and believe me, people play on this because they know no mother or good mother can watch children going hungry. I lent these people vast amounts of money to help out, then finding out the money went yet again on drugs.

Eventually I started buying food for them, and even that didn't seem to be going in the right place =| she was handing the food out to friends in exchange for cash. Can you believe that. Eventually I had to just turn my back, while recommending them go to various churches in our town to buy low cost hampers for under-privledged families and spoke to a friend who works for the Salvation Army over here to visit the family once a week to see how the girls were doing. Child services would not aid because the children were not being abused or misstreated other than not having food.

I am certainly not a fan of child services, and I would not state the girls were being abused because they were loved children, just the mother and her spouse (not the girls father) could not deter themselves away from a habit. It is hard not to be involved when children are concerned. The world does need more people like you, but no one can afford to be used. Someone one day who really does need the help, will not be able to find it due to people these days being more cautious on helping others due to past experiences.

There are many services which provide aid and help, perhaps you can suggest to her these places, and although you are a friend and remain so, you have your own family to take care of. It is like being caught between a rock and a hard place...

Great advice though for those who may not be aware of it. Yes, domestic violence is illegal but it is up to the person suffering to pursue legal action or the police to become involved. These days, well in Australia the police can press charges without the abused wishing to pursue it and in Australia violent spouses can be forcibly removed and even placed in jail should they break any orders. Perhaps if I had taken out the order or wished to go along with the police, I would not have gone through what I had. Sometimes leaving and making sure you and the kids are safe beats staying in a relationship just to be abused.

 The world can use more people like you. People who refuse to turn a blind eye to those who are hurting and need help. Thanks! 

i also have an impulse to help ,but as i found out the more i rescued that person the more i became involved. Life struggles are real and some are fairy tales and the more stern i was in guiding towards the help out there (that they were aware of) it was easy for them to find someone else to  fill their needs rather than  accept what they are doing is wrong

Great advice.

Cheers Dee.