Trusting your instinct

Being a parent for the first time was so daunting, for me. I remember thinking I had made a mistake! I wasn't ready. Its true you can never feel totally ready for parenthood. When I brang my daughter home from the hospital three days after her birth over 6 years

ago, I fought lost. True, I was excited. I could have stared at her for hours, and I did! But I didn't feel like a mum. Or more to the point I felt like I didn't feel as I had expected. I guess I thought it was going to be natural. Bam, I am a mum, how easy would that be. No, when the midwife asked how I was feeling I said it feels like I am babysitting. It took a while to sink in that she was mine - that she was really a part of me and that I had truly brang her to this world.

Giving birth was a shock. Breastfeeding was awkward. Dealing with a little someone who completely depended on me was exhausting. I questioned myself about things. I was stressed about my little daughter. Maybe it was the perfectionist in me that thought everything had to be done by the book. I thought everything had to be done a certain way. When my girl was about 6 months I finally realised I was better off trusting my instincts. Who was it hurting if I took my baby in the bed? It worked for us as a family so why force our little one to cry herself to sleep on her own? It didn't make sense to me to go against what worked for us. I slowly convinced myself to ignore what others were doing and do what worked for our family and more importantly to trust my instinct.

I now have a secure confident daughter who goes to school and has friends and loves her family. I wonder how much time I seemingly wasted worrying about her. Then I think how much I learnt and loved that year. I will continue to worry (about my daughter as well as her younger brothers), as I am sure that is my main job! But I feel much more confident as a parent. I think that is because I trust my instincts.