I am of the belief that pornography is wrong and that nothing good can come from or of it. So what can I teach my kids about it? I found an interesting article in a parenting magazine  (Kindred Sep - Nov 2007) about this very issue.There is also a link to the articles below. I will try to summarise what it was about and my feelings about it. The article is written to relate to teen boys and with the assistance of older men who know that porn has negatively affected their lives. They wish they had someone to explain to them as young boys that there are risks of viewing porn.

When a boy comes of age he starts to think of the female figure. This is nature. It is for the survival of human kind. It helps a young man to start think about making babies inevitably. There is two parts to the brain - the old and the new. You can explain to a boy at this age --The old brain makes you ''hungry'' , gives you urges or feelings  and is connected to the visual so that when when you see a naked woman it is pleasant and you can't stop thinking about it. ---- But the old brain isn't so smart. You need to use your new brain also. It helps you to figure out these feelings and urges and how to act or react. It is more evolved than the old.

Porn is not educational. It is far from reality. I willl not go into details about the whole morality issue as that is another issue (eg. the porn industry is founded on the weakness of people's sexual needs...) but just to say it puts down the sacredness of sex between a man and woman who ideally should perfom the act in love.
Seeing a naked picture of a woman is like looking at a picture of food. Might look good but it doesn't satiate the hunger. Its not real. The old brain will encourage you to keep looking because it is so pleasant.  But it is not real. Many many many years ago a man would admire a woman say even bathing naked in the river. He would want to meet her, get to know her. Now with a barrage of media focussed on the female figure and sex in general that is taken away. Its not about meeting and getting to know a woman. Porn can be very frustrating - like looking at food when you are hungry.  It can encourage instant relief but it doesn't help socially, to learn to meet girls, to have the skills to attract a mate, or understand what a real girl is.

Porn does not and cannot teach anyone about what real sex is like between a man and woman. It is performed in front of an audience and a camera and they are paid to do often outrageous things as they pretend to enjoy it, even if they are in pain or don't like each other. It is a job. When you are in love, sex is something entirely different. Sex is beautiful and sacred. Porn is definitely not. It can be misleading. Its hard to relate to women if you think they enjoy being treated as they are in pornography. Porn can make you focus more on the looks than the other attributes of a woman.  The old brain likes big breasts because they look like they can feed babies really well. (May not be the case though)

Porn is like junk food.  The old brain often likes junk food because it is more concentrated in energy which was important years and years ago but not so now (we could drown in it now). Watching porn is like eating cake all the time and never getting any nutrients. It starts to make you feel sick after a while.

Porn can be  very addictive. Once porn becomes a habit, the old brain becomes hard to ignore. Porn always says yes.  It is a fantasy where everything goes your way. In a relationship you have to consider the other person. Porn can make you selfish only thinking of one's own needs. The old brain thinks only of sex. With the help of the new brain you can think of other things, like doing homework, walking the dog, spending time with family etc. Sexual stimulation doesn't need to be the top priority. The old brain is just doing its biological job of getting young men to think of making babies. Porn is not real sex so does not help.

Porn and violence are often linked. Because the old brain likes to put you as the superior one, porn is often full of violence. The images are stronger when sex and violence are brought together. But you can use the new brain to overcome those feelings. 

A teen can avoid porn and say

• I want to learn about real girls and realtionships

• I want to be full of energy, not moody or anti social

• I know that porn can make sexual frustration worse

• I want a life

With the internet so readily accessible its so important to know what your children are looking at online. I know I have accidentally have come across images that have made me wince. To a young man his curiousity may be too much to ignore. I hope I can teach my boys in particular to respect women and just as importantly themselves by not interacting with pornography at all.