Raising Resilient Rascals: How to Prepare Your Kids for Tough Times

Hi, my name is Dr Kate Lemerle and I'm the Principal Life Coaching Psychologist with Chrysalis Wellness Services in Brisbane. You can visit my website at http://www.chrysalis54.com.au to learn more about me and the services I offer people in my community.

Recently, I offered a 2-hour workshop for parents on the popular issue of resilience, and what we can do, as parents, to give our kids the life skills to cope with and recover from adversity, or tough times. Over recent times, I've become increasingly alarmed about the "doom-and-gloom" scenarios the media paints of future life on Earth. Obviously coping with severe water shortages arising from the drought has affected every one of us, and fortunately in many respects, our kids seem to be readily making the daily changes necessary to become more water-conscious. However, some recent TV documentaries about global warming, climate change, and rising greenhouse gases, along with rising sea levels, and of course "peak oil", seem to suggest that in the not-too-distant future - perhaps within the next 20 years - we are going to be facing some very tough changes to life as we've know it. I've begun to wonder how this will impact our children, and how they will cope given that, in Australia as well as most other developed nations, we now have two generations that have grown up never experiencing REALLY tough times like our grandparents did.

What should we be doing, as parents, to raise our kids with the skills to cope if petrol is not affordable by the average person; if the cost of food, and availability of much of the processed goods we depend on for today's typical school lunchboxes is out of reach for most of us; if the electricity we take so much for granted cannot be relied upon any longer; and worst of all, if we can't get onto the internet to find answers to our questions?

Having spent the past 7 years working on a number of projects aimed at building our understanding of the concept of resilience, as well as developing school-based programs to help teachers promote children's resilience, I've learned a great deal about this important life skill. It always amazes me when I hear stories of people's outstanding success despite almost insurmountable odds. For example, the young girl born without limbs who has managed to carve out a fulfilling life for herself and give so much back to others through community fundraising. Or the young Sudanese woman I met who had experienced dreadful events in her war-torn country before arriving in Australia, and who now gives her time freely to helping Sudanese children adapt to life in our western school system. These people show that adversity doesn't need to paralyse or leave us bitter and twisted, but can open doors to discovering deep goodness within our souls and turn that into something of enormous value.

So how doe we help to prepare our own young ones to "bounce back" or to adapt to their particular life circumstances? Here are 8 tips to help parents build their child's resilience:

• Encourage your children to build a wide circle of social relationships with people from all walks of life. We are living in an increasingly globalised world, and gaining an understanding of how people from different cultures, people of different generations, and people from the "other side of the tracks" tick will help them become confident citizens of the world.
• Encourage your children to see the positive in everything, to be open-minded to opportunities that might lie outside usual, and to learn how to set and strive towards personal goals.
• Foster your child's leadership skills by giving them opportunities to take control of a situation. For example, give your children a day of the week when they decide on the evening meal, let them choose your clothes for the day rather than the other way round, and encourage them to find out about places for the family holiday.
• Teach your children the art of problem-solving. Do this by encouraging creative brainstorming, weighing up the consequences of all options, and planning how to implement solutions. This also helps them learn to discriminate appropriate from inappropriate actions.
  
• Always model good interpersonal communication skills, including assertiveness, conflict resolution, and negotiation, as well as encouraging them to confidently speak in public.
• Provide your children with an array of skills to self-manage stress - teach them not to fear stress or anxiety, but to harness this for resolving the circumstances that strike fear into their hearts, whilst also teaching them the art of relaxation.
• Set high positive expectations for your children, not so high they can't achieve their goals, but let them know you have a belief that they can always achieve more for themselves and that you have pride in their accomplishments.
• Most importantly, make humour and optimism core values within day-to-day family life - laugh at the silly things and promote positive thinking by encouraging your children to hope and dream for a positive future.

If you would like to find out more about my "Raising Resilient Rascals" workshops and the new parenting course being offered in 2008, email me at chrysalis54@optusnet.com.au or watch my website for various items available for purchase.