I'll give you a popsicle if you stop screaming! Bribing -- the slippery slope.

Hmmmm - imagine the scene - young Sally is throwing the WW3 of all tantrums inthe middle of Coles.

Mum can either - throw herself on the floor and join in, walk away, smack her child or placate her child - with a bribe.  No matter what Mum does - she is dammed by all passing traffic.

Or - Mum can explain quite clearly at the start - we are going shopping - if you are good/quite/helpful - I'll treat you. 

And if the darling still has a tanty - well see step one, and be dammed

When the experts have a failsafe way of dealing with tricky kids - they can borrow my daughter for a few shopping trips to hone out their newly found ideas and skills

v's

I don't believe in bribery for misbehaving kids.My kids may sometimes try to put one over me but I have never given in to them,even if people are looking at me,I just laugh at my kids and tell them they are only showing strangers how naughty they can be and they still won't get what they want anyway.We have all had kids at one time or another try to put one over us so it is nothing to be embarressed about when they misbehave out in public.Just stick to it and reward them for good behaviour instead of bad.They will learn very quickly that good always get rewarded and bad gets them nothing but tears and nowhere fast.

Yeah, the embarrassing "we're out in public and everyone will think I'm a horrible mom" is pretty much always where I end up giving in. Yes, the parenting techniques may work very well and make you feel great in the privacy of your own home, but nothing sounds right coming out of your mouth when weighed against  "did that sound to them the way I meant it to?" knowing that no matter how you deal with the situation or how well (or bad!) it turns out SOMEONE will come over and let you know why you handled it wrong.

You know they're wrong, but you still don't want to hear it...I agree with those who suggest offering the treat in advance, if they behave - it does work like a charm.

Coming in late but just reading through old advise articles.

I think it depends.

In some cases it can help to re-inforce good behaviour if used as a future Bribe.

I.e you tell your child if they are good whilst you are shopping.  You will let them pat the animals at the animal Farm or do a painting with the other children.  This gives your child an incentive to be good whilst you do your shopping.

On the other hand they can be bad if used to stop a negative action.

E.G Mummy will give you a lolly if  stop kicking your arms and legs and stand up and be quite.

i bribe my kids, if im at the doc's or in a lpace where its really boring i tell them if they be good they can have a treat...  it works for me. we also have a rewards chart at home, chores / pocket money and a time out chair.. i think it all depends on the situation,

great advice, very helpful

xoxox

I must admit to both bribery and incentive giving. Unfortunatly it backfired when my son aged 5 asked if I was tring to bribe him, I said "Yes will it work ?"  to which he replied " I'll give it a go"  So after that I use to offer somthing I called a reward, say a cake to eat on the way home if he pehaved all the way round town.

I only had one come back, one day I brought the cake and we were walking (me pushing the push chair) back . After he'd eaten the cake he decided to playup . I ended loosing it  ( I know it's no excuse I had very bad deppression )  I shouted at him " if you don't stop that now I'll have that cake back if I have to put my fingers down your throat to get it " then promptly burst into tears and huged him. He patted my back saying "their their mommy"  I felt like a compleate heel... 

I think most parents have used bribes at some point in trying to get their children to co-operate!  Well, i don't know any who haven't!  Me included but i like to look at it as more of as an incentive, you know like a workplace might give you a social breakfast, a bonus or even a pay rise.......they are all bribes in varying degrees to keep you performing the way they want.  I think we do it because it connects with  basic human nature....we like to receive compensation for doing something good.  

Personally, i don't think it is a good idea to use bribes willy nilly though, we need to keep some of the big guns for those tricky situations and, like others, i've found distraction works quite well.

I enjoyed reading this ...thanks. julie

Excellent article Jill, as always. I don't have to worry about  bribing children now, luckily....but have to admit, i did do it a couple of times. Soon learnt that it wasn't the way, though. The old shopping tantrums, i soon learnt  distraction was the best part of valour. By making it fun, trying to pick out the different colours of fruit and how many ( numbers). I found this an excellent tool, to also get them to try a different fruit every week.

Cheers Janice

Excellent! as always

I'm guilty of bribing once in a while, as in "take this sucker and go watch tv so mommy can have 5 minutes peace to finish this very important thing!"

Altho it's definately something that i don't do often. I know its a bad habit of mine, but sometimes you don't have the time or patience or whatever to deal with it right that second. 

brillliant advice

thanks for sharing

Luv Emz xx

Excellent article.

Unfortunately I have bribed my child. Just once. As soon as I realised I had done it  I sat down with him and even though he was too young to understand, I explained what had happened and that what neither of us had done was ok. Technically, he hadnt done anyting wrong, he was ill and had trouble communicating what he needed to us and as a result got frustrated.

Now when he has a tantrum ( usually a large high pitched UH! follwed by throwing something on the floor or himself and that the end of it - i know im lucky in this regard) he is now sent to bed. previously we waited it out and told him it was not okay and we didnt like it. This failed so its immediate bed time. This is kinda like our version of time out,  and it works well. He doesnt go in his room for anything else really, he never falls alseep in his bed so there arent any bad connatations regarding that. He sits in his room until he stops crying. after about 1 minute of silence he is then allowed to come out and he apologises (very cute i must add). The hard part initially was getting him to stay in his room. But he knows what i t means now. Sometimes when he has done something he shouldnt have he says ' bed' and takes himself in before we evenrealise hes done anything. If he has gotten upset at having to wait for something ( dinner to be cooked is popular) we wait until he has come out and apologised and then sya he can have it because he is acting like a big boy.

I read somewhere in one of my textbooks that children often talk to themselves to stop themselves from doing something naughty. Liam smacks his hand. I do not know where he gets it from, as we dont smack him, but he smacks his wrist a couple of times and then walks away. It was a bit alarming at first but I just accept that its a normal part of development.