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Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

edithelizabeth2007 by edithelizabeth2007 Speaking(December 2007) (rank 410th)

Hi Minti

I've been perusing around the advice and I've noticed a theme of some of the advice that I wanted to caution new parents about.

Children do not come into this world as problems to be solved but people to be loved. You should be very skeptical

about any advice that treats infant behavior as a problem to be extinguished rather than as a communication of a real need. Babies are not wild horses that need to be broken. Things like eating and sleeping schedules that are primarily parent directed show a disrepect for nature. If night wakings were maladaptive they wouldn't be so ubiquitous among newborns. If crying were meant to be met with no response nature would not have designed babies to do it.

There really is another way. You can answer your baby's cries and respect the natural rhythms of your baby and still get plenty of rest and raise a loving ,well-adjusted and unspoiled child who gives you placid teenage years and is a man at 18 rather than putting a moratorium on his adulthood until some woman demands he grow up if he wants to stay in her life. I was lucky to have an older woman befriend me and mentor me who taught me how to achieve this loving way of life.

In a household with this approach it is always known if the baby is sick or in pain because that is the only time there is crying, every older child is distressed to hear the cries of an infant going unheeded, and these older children are never bullies themselves, although they have the moral courage to stand between bullies and the weak and defenseless. These children know from an early age that the people at the extremes of life, the very young and the very old, and the helpless have to be taken care of by those of us in th middle  who have been blessed with good health.

Mothers should be particularly skeptical of men writing advice for mothers. Especially men writing books, and especially men like Gary Ezzo who has perverted the meaning of the Passion by saying that babies cries should not be answered because God did not answer Jesus' cries from the cross. There are some wonderful men like Nils Bergman, William Sears, Michel Odent, and Kennel and Klaus but they approach the subject of babies and children with respect for the biological and emotional needs of children and respect for women.

Ladies you have the wombs, and the breasts and the brains to go along with them, and you are at least nine months ahead of your husband. Never let your husband make you go against your mothering instincts. If he were meant to be the primary caretaker of the baby he would have been given the womb and the breasts.

Bottlefed babies in the United States are 70% more likely to die from causes that are not disease causes than breastfed babies. (the increase in death rate due to disease is 20%) Why should this be so? What does how a baby is fed have to do with whether or not a baby accidentally dies or is killed?

Breastfeeding imposes a lot more mother-baby togetherness on a breastfeeding mother. Yes she can pump but it is a lot of trouble and so she does not leave the baby in the care of other people as much as the bottlefeeding mother. But even when a mother is bottlefeeding some studies show that 90% of the time she is doing the care and feeding of the baby herself.

The increase in risk of death is due to the extra time bottle-fed babies are away from their mothers. Since the time bottlefed babies are away from their mothers is often small compared with the time the baby is with his mother it tells you just how dangerous it is for a baby to be in someone elses care. Even when the time is brief  the mother-substitutes doesn't function as well in the role of the mother. Being left in a car is much more likely to happen when the dad is driving the baby to daycare and SIDS rates are higher in daycare than in mothercare.

Just today we read in the newspaper of a 2 year old being mauled to death by a pit bull while in his grandmother's care, and a 2 year old girl being killed when her mother's boyfriend crushed her skull...last summer it was being left in a hot car, and last year it was a near drowning in a daycare in a bucket of bleach. Even though babies and children spend more time in their mother's care than in anyone elses care it seems if they are going to die an accidental or deliberate death it is almost always while in the care of someone other than the mother.

Oh yes there are exceptions...the Andrea Yates of the world...but start keeping a file folder of clippings about these deaths and see for yourself...mothers are the best care-takers of babies and young children and only with rare exceptions do men have anything to teach mothers about the endeavor... and probably the handful of really excellent exceptions to this rule had wives who taught them almost everything they know.

 

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edithelizabeth2007
January 2008 | edithelizabeth2007
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

The stats about bottlefed infants having a 70% increase in risk of death during the first year of life comes from meta-anaylsis of hundreds of breastfeeding studies....When the meta-anaylsis studies were done I am sure the researchers were only expecting to come up with disease related death statistics- not a sharper increase in death rate due to accidents and abuse.

Recall that in some societies poverty does not impinge on a woman's freedom to breastfeed and mother her own child- in these societies there are types of paid work that allow a mother to work with her child present. I have never seen any data to suggest that in such societies being poor puts a child at increased risk from death due to accidents and abuse, although numerous studies point to an increase risk of death due to illness if the mother bottlefeeds.

There is a protective effect from breastmilk itself but there is also a protective effect from just being with one's own mother, and breastfeeding fosters mother-child togetherness so breastfeeding confers a protective effect beyond infectious disease, which is especially vident

Well designed studies of mothers living in industrialized societies control for socio-economic varaibles grouping children in the same socio-economic class based on whether or not they are breastfed and then making comparisons in outcomes. Comparing apples to apples so to speak. So one cannot divorce the protective effect of breastfeeding simply by pointing to poverty.  Controlling for socio-economic class being breastfed still had a protective effect.

Poverty in our society does affect risk of death from accidents and abuse, primarly because it leads to mother-baby separation which is inextricably linked to breastfeeding rates. Where poverty impinges on a mother's freedom and thus ability to breastfeed and be with her baby as much as wealthier mothers.

. Women who have never given birth tend to be better infant caretakers as a group than childless men. Childbirth makes further changes to the structure of the female brain and the hormones of lactation further improve the woman's child care-taking behaviors. Being a woman, a mother who has given birth, and lactation hormones helps women and mothers assess risk properly and do the right thing more often even when doing so involves more work.

Another interesting apsect is that a dose-dependent response exists between how much breastfeeding is happening and other protective behaviors. Exclusive breastfeeders as a group showing the least amount of risk taking, partial breastfeeders showing a little more risk taking, and botlefeeders as a group showing the most risk taking.

Does this mean every breastfeeding mother takes less risks with her infant than every bottlefeeding mother-? NO! It means that lactation can improve a mother's capacity for assessing risk, and each mother can be a better risk assesor if she is supported in breastfeeding when she has the biological capacity to make milk.

On the continuuim for being good risk assesors men are almost always going to fall below women because risk assessment and patience are related to brain structure and oxytocin and prolactin levels.

Each of us comes to parenting with cultural, familial, and personality traits that gives us tendencies to parent in a particular way, but being a woman, a mother, and a breastfeeding mother helps us parent better than we otherwise would without these brain/hormonal advantages which we may refer to as "mothering instincts."

I am not impugning the character of all men. I am married to a man who is a great father, and I mentioned several men who have good parenting advice for mothers. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, and some men will be better primary caretakers of infants and small children than some women.

 In a particular couple the father might be the more sensitive, responsive, altruistic, and best assesor of risk between the two parents. In this situation probably both parents sense that the father is the better care-giver and the father ends up doing the lioness's share of the work of infant care...ha, ha...

But in the usual case the mother even if she is not the birth mother, even if she has never given birth, and even if she is not breastfeeding is more sensitive, responsive, altruistic, and protective than the father is. This is not a denounciation of fatherhood or a denigration of maleness. This risk-taking behavior of men has its advantages in other areas of life, just not in the direct care infants and todders for extensive periods of time. The balance of femaleness and maleness is good for children, which is why the traditional family has been the basic unit of long-lived and psychologically healthy societies.

Sometimes women of today need to be encouraged to maintain their pervue over what is best for infants and toddlers because it is the fashion these days to confuse equality in dignity between men and women with equalness in the capacity for every particular task.

The most common theme I see in male writing about parenting infants and toddlers is that men are much more likely than women to view ubiquitous infant and toddler behaviors as maladaptive instead of as good survival skills...they treat normal behaviors as problems to be solved through training as if the infant is a wild pony to be broken. It seems as if these men never even considered the possibility that there might be harm to letting a baby cry it out. They seem to believe only good can come from imposing a schedule on the baby that the dad finds most convenient.

I never see anyone challenge their assumptions, and ask them for references...or ask them for proof that their methods of imposing their will on the baby's eating and sleeping cycles is good for the baby.

When books like Gary Ezzo's Babywise have caused the failure to thrive of thousands of infants the book is still sold in stores and extolled by parents who place a higher value on uninterrupted sleep and parental convenience than on what is best for the baby.

I know mothers can offer similarily uninformed opinions, but I have to say I haven't seen bad advice such as "controlled crying" offered as vociferiously from women as from men, and I have never seen this sort of advice coming from breastfeeding mothers who have experienced a normal course of nursing. A normal course of nursing is exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months, predominantly breastfeeding for one year, and  family meals suplemented with 4-5 nursings a day through the second year of life. A normal course of nursing is biologically optimal from the baby's point of view.

Even Elizabeth Pantley the author of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" didn't practice her own advice about sleep training with her own child  (the child that inspired her to write her book) until he was over a year old. But she offers her advice up now as if it were applicable to younger babies. She thinks that breasts "adjust" to not being emptied at night. 

Yeah, they "adjust "alright- they "adjust " downward- as in "less milk"- which is not much of a problem when you have a child over a year old eating solids, but is a big problem when your baby is under 6 months old and you want to suceed at exclusively breastfeeding him. 

Pantley is cautious about very young babies but I get the impression that she thinks something magical happens to the physiology of babies and breasts by the time the baby is 4 months old so that the baby and the breasts can go 8-10 hours without being emptied with no comensurate drop in milk production.

Breastfeeding mothers who impose parent directed feeding schedules on the breastfeeding relationship find it does not work, escpecially during the first six months after the birth of a baby.  If a mother tries to feed her baby only every 3-4 hours and get him to sleep through the night eventually one of two things happens,-

1) the mother abandons the hyper-scheduling and begins to nurse on cue or "opportunity" feeds frequently to get her milk supply back, or

2) the mom doesn't figure out that  her schedule is causing her to lose her milk and she ends up bottlefeeding wondering what happened to her milk supply.

A challenge to prove it is offered to me when I suggest there is some wisdom in nature.

But let's turn that idea around...where is the proof  that baby's natural sleeping and eating rhythms are not best for best for them?

Where is the proof that the mothering hormones, oxytocin and prolactin, don't make mothers better caregivers than fathers?

Where is the evidence that male and female brains are exactly the same?

Where is the evidence that what differences do exist between female and male brains, female and male hormones make no difference in the capacity the male has for taking optimal care of an infant?

 



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edithelizabeth2007
January 2008 | edithelizabeth2007
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

The stats about bottlefed infants having a 70% increase in risk of death during the first year of life comes from meta-anaylsis of hundreds of breastfeeding studies....When the meta-anaylsis studies were done I am sure the researchers were only expecting to come up with disease related death statistics- not a sharper increase in death rate due to accidents and abuse.

Recall that in some societies poverty does not impinge on a woman's freedom to breastfeed and mother her own child- in these societies there are types of paid work that allow a mother to work with her child present. I have never seen any data to suggest that in such societies being poor puts a child at increased risk from death due to accidents and abuse, although numerous studies point to an increase risk of death due to illness if the mother bottlefeeds.

There is a protective effect from breastmilk itself but there is also a protective effect from just being with one's own mother, and breastfeeding fosters mother-child togetherness so breastfeeding confers a protective effect beyond infectious disease, which is especially

Well designed studies of mothers living in industrialized societies control for socio-economic varaibles grouping children in the same socio-economic class based on whether or not they are breastfed and then making comparisons in outcomes. Comparing apples to apples so to speak. So one cannot divorce the protective effect of breastfeeding simply by pointing to poverty.  Controlling for socio-economic class being breastfed still had a protective effect.

Poverty in our society does affect risk of death from accidents and abuse, primarly because it leads to mother-baby separation which is inextricably linked to breastfeeding rates. Where poverty impinges on a mother's freedom and thus ability to breastfeed and be with her baby as much as wealthier mothers.

. Women who have never given birth tend to be better infant caretakers as a group than childless men. Childbirth makes further changes to the structure of the female brain and the hormones of lactation further improve the woman's child care-taking behaviors. Being a woman, a mother who has given birth, and lactation hormones helps women and mothers assess risk properly and do the right thing more often even when doing so involves more work.

Another interesting apsect is that a dose-dependent response exists between how much breastfeeding is happening and other protective behaviors. Exclusive breastfeeders as a group showing the least amount of risk taking, partial breastfeeders showing a little more risk taking, and botlefeeders as a group showing the most risk taking.

Does this mean every breastfeeding mother takes less risks with her infant than every bottlefeeding mother-? NO! It means that lactation can improve a mother's capacity for assessing risk, and each mother can be a better risk assesor if she is supported in breastfeeding when she has the biological capacity to make milk.

On the continuuim for being good risk assesors men are almost always going to fall below women because risk assessment and patience are related to brain structure and oxytocin and prolactin levels.

Each of us comes to parenting with cultural, familial, and personality traits that gives us tendencies to parent in a particular way, but being a woman, a mother, and a breastfeeding mother helps us parent better than we otherwise would without these brain/hormonal advantages which we may refer to as "mothering instincts."

I am not impugning the character of all men. I am married to a man who is a great father, and I mentioned several men who have good parenting advice for mothers. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, and some men will be better primary caretakers of infants and small children than some women.

 In a particular couple the father might be the more sensitive, responsive, altruistic, and best assesor of risk between the two parents. In this situation probably both parents sense that the father is the better care-giver and the father ends up doing the lioness's share of the work of infant care...ha, ha...

But in the usual case the mother even if she is not the birth mother, even if she has never given birth, and even if she is not breastfeeding is more sensitive, responsive, altruistic, and protective than the father is. This is not a denounciation of fatherhood or a denigration of maleness. This risk-taking behavior of men has its advantages in other areas of life, just not in the direct care infants and todders for extensive periods of time. The balance of femaleness and maleness is good for children, which is why the traditional family has been the basic unit of long-lived and psychologically healthy societies.

Sometimes women of today need to be encouraged to maintain their pervue over what is best for infants and toddlers because it is the fashion these days to confuse equality in dignity between men and women with equalness in the capacity for every particular task.

The most common theme I see in male writing about parenting infants and toddlers is that men are much more likely than women to view ubiquitous infant and toddler behaviors as maladaptive instead of as good survival skills...they treat normal behaviors as problems to be solved through training as if the infant is a wild pony to be broken. It seems as if these men never even considered the possibility that there might be harm to letting a baby cry it out. They seem to believe only good can come from imposing a schedule on the baby that the dad finds most convenient.

I never see anyone challenge their assumptions, and ask them for references...or ask them for proof that their methods of imposing their will on the baby's eating and sleeping cycles is good for the baby.

When books like Gary Ezzo's Babywise have caused the failure to thrive of thousands of infants the book is still sold in stores and extolled by parents who place a higher value on uninterrupted sleep and parental convenience than on what is best for the baby.

I know mothers can offer similarily uninformed opinions, but I have to say I haven't seen bad advice such as "controlled crying" offered as vociferiously from women as from men, and I have never seen this sort of advice coming from breastfeeding mothers who have experienced a normal course of nursing. A normal course of nursing is exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months, predominantly breastfeeding for one year, and  family meals suplemented with 4-5 nursings a day through the second year of life. A normal course of nursing is biologically optimal from the baby's point of view.

Even Elizabeth Pantley the author of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" didn't practice her own advice about sleep training with her own child  (the child that inspired her to write her book) until he was over a year old. But she offers her advice up now as if it were applicable to younger babies. She thinks that breasts "adjust" to not being emptied at night. 

Yeah, they "adjust "alright- they "adjust " downward- as in "less milk"- which is not much of a problem when you have a child over a year old eating solids, but is a big problem when your baby is under 6 months old and you want to suceed at exclusively breastfeeding him. 

Pantley is cautious about very young babies but I get the impression that she thinks something magical happens to the physiology of babies and breasts by the time the baby is 4 months old so that the baby and the breasts can go 8-10 hours without being emptied with no comensurate drop in milk production.

Breastfeeding mothers who impose parent directed feeding schedules on the breastfeeding relationship find it does not work, escpecially during the first six months after the birth of a baby.  If a mother tries to feed her baby only every 3-4 hours and get him to sleep through the night eventually one of two things happens,-

1) the mother abandons the hyper-scheduling and begins to nurse on cue or "opportunity" feeds frequently to get her milk supply back, or

2) the mom doesn't figure out that  her schedule is causing her to lose her milk and she ends up bottlefeeding wondering what happened to her milk supply.

A challenge to prove it is offered to me when I suggest there is some wisdom in nature.

But let's turn that idea around...where is the proof  that baby's natural sleeping and eating rhythms are not best for best for them?

Where is the proof that the mothering hormones, oxytocin and prolactin, don't make mothers better caregivers than fathers?

Where is the evidence that male and female brains are exactly the same?

Where is the evidence that what differences do exist between female and male brains, female and male hormones make no difference in the capacity the male has for taking optimal care of an infant?

 



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      WinnierooPooh
January 2008 | WinnierooPooh
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

I think it is good that you come up with all this info for debate and discussion, however it is all subjective to your view point, as you are not giving us access to your research data. What studies are you quoting the 70% increase in risk, from. Where are the links to guide us through your theories and to back up your statements. What are the full names of the Authors you Quote and the names of the Books that you find disturbing. Where is the link to the study that Breast feeders take less risk. I find this all very interesting, but I wish to read the full studies for myself. Please if you quote from others research, it is courtious to name the studies and the authors, as well as the sites,books etc that you took the info from. Please could you post the information, to add objectivity to your well written article and comment.

Cheers Winnie.xx



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           edithelizabeth2007
January 2008 | edithelizabeth2007
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

Winnie,

All you have to do is use an internet search engine like Google and put in words like "breastfeeding" and "death" and you will find the Chen and Rogan studies among hundreds if not thousands of others that elaborate on specific facets. Chen and Rogan published in the prestigious Pediatrics and in the Journal of Human Lactation

I think Linda Folden Palmer has done a good metanalysis but I'm having trouble getting my computer to open the bookmark, you may have better luck...there is a condensed version at naturalfamilyonline but if you can find her full length version its better....she did not do as an extensive review  as Chen and Rogan so she didn't find a relationship with accidents but this was part of her bias...she states in her article in Natural Family online that she didn't expect to find any differences in deaths due to accidents or abuse so she didn't do enough research in that area...

Chen and Rogan didn't expect to find a relationship but because they cast a wider net they found the relationship...it is an alarming rate because it was higher than the increase risk of death due to infectious disease...

If you have have a working knowledge of statistics you will be able to convert the stats to layman's usuage...if you don't you'll have to work on that before you will be able to glean everything from the primary sources.....

I'm hazzarding a guess that when babies get sick from not being breastfed they can be saved with medicine more easily than they can be saved from the trauma of a serious accident (that is more likely to happen when they are not being watched by their own mother)...like drownings and getting hit by a car etc...

You can search "Ezzo" and find all sorts of information about the problems with his book or just buy his book Babywise and see for yourself. His book is an "Ezzo" light version of what he taught in the classes where he justified letting babies cry it out because, according to him, God did not answer Jesus' cries from the cross. He claims his wife breastfed their kids but I don't see how she could have had enough milk doing things his way. Either she didn't breastfeed very long or she did things her own way when her tyrant husband was out of the house.

You can do the same with any of the guys who give great advice like Dr. Sears, Nils Bergman, Kennel and Klaus, David Palmer DDS, etc some have books some have websites...

The FDA has done studies about mothers compliance with health care messages...like car seat usuage, back to sleep campaigns, well baby care check ups, and even esophageal burns...Sara Beck Fein is a researcher I saw at a conference who presented her findings about mothers compliance changing over time a dose related response to the amount of breastfeeding she was doing....

Much of my working knowledge comes from attending breastfeeding conferences but I am sure there are other ways to access the information, the providers of the conference have to meet standards set by the International Board of Lactation Consultant Examiners, and the IBCLE has some of the strictest standards for accreditation and continuing education of any of the health professions. Lactation consultants have to re-certify every five years with 75 hours of continuing education and every ten years we have to take the board certification exam all over again...I don't think physicians have do that...

I appreciate your skepticism but you have to remember that billions of dollars are at stake in the formula industry, as well as a lot of sacred cows of feminism...researchers who are the bearers of bad news are often black listed....even among lactation specialists! Researchers who present data that mothers are important not just the milk can get a cold reception because lactation consultants are people too and many of them have wanted to believe that pumping breastmilk and putting it into a bottle is just as good as mothering through direct breastfeeding....

US Daycare researchers like Jay Belsky have had to leave the US for the UK where at least "slammers" are in the minority....(this is the term coined bytdaycare workers for mothers who put infants under 6 months of age into fulltime daycare)



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WinnierooPooh
December 2007 | WinnierooPooh
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

Hmm, I thought I was going to get an insight into instinctive parenting. I think you make some good points, but I would worry if anyone turned down a fathers instinct, because of his lack of mammal glands. Fathers can have the most amazing instincts towards their children if given the chance to bond and share in the care and up bringing. My Mum worked nights so she could be there for us in the day, my father was our prime night time carer and was excellent, he got his skills from his father, because his Mum died so young. Also it is not only men who can distract a new mum from her natural instinct, women are pretty clever at giving out the rot too. I am also confused as to where you get bottle fed bubs being away from their Mums? A statistic is it, from where. I think the time a child spends away from Mum is up to Mum and bub. I bottle fed two girls and they were with me at all times up to about a year old and could get away. I know of breast fed bubs who are popped into a cot in a seprate room for all naps. I also wonder how much, lack of education and poverty enter into the statistics on the deaths of bottle fed babies in America. I suspect that it is not the bottle feeding that is at fault there, but social issues. Breast feeding is still mostly done within the educated middle spectrum classes. In Britain a few months ago a little girl was mauled to Death, by two family dogs while in the care of her breast feeding and loving Mum. I am wary of speculation and more so of statistics, and having spent my working life sorting through statistics for a living, I know just how misleading and dangerous they can be. All swans are white, because I have never seen a black swan or in the case of statistics, dont want to admit having seen a black swan because that would be seen as different or going against the norm. I would really be interested to see your research links and name of books,authors and publishers that you used but forgot to credit.

Cheers Winnie.xx



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llmunchkin
December 2007 | llmunchkin
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them
Well I really enjoyed and agree with the theory that children don't come into the world as problems to be solved... Like crying, pooping, and throwing tantrums, vomiting getting sick and all that - it is life.  The difference is, that suddenly you are the main carer for someone and it is your role to ensure that at all times their needs are met.  Then you need to train them as they grow, that they can trust you to meet those needs, and they can begin to lengthen the time frame expected, and you can relax and grow with each other.

While I breastfed, I pumped from the first day, and I also used formula now and then from 6months onward... I recommend it to anyone who wants to try it - it gave me a lot of freedom.  However I would never tell anyone that they should or shouldn't breastfeed or bottlefeed... In that respect I was a little disappointed by the rest of this advice.  Especially the suggestion that a child is more likely to die if left in the care of someone other than their mother... seriously - that is just a tad opinionated and not substantiated at all. 

That whole thing about men not being trustworthy because God didn't answer Jesus' cries from the cross???  That is the first time I have come across that - is this theory of yours from personal experience, or proven research?  By the end I was at a loss to understand exactly what you were trying to convey... What are you trying to convey?


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      edithelizabeth2007
January 2008 | edithelizabeth2007
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

The theory about babies cries not being answered is Gary Ezzo's justificfation for pushing his cry it out method of parent directed feeding and sleep "training"- Babywise...its not mine at all...I'm appalled by it...

If you would never recommend breastfeeding than I guess you would never recommend using a car seat or any other safety measure to other mothers....

Formula feeding from the beginning would have given you even more freedom than expressing and bottlefeeding mothers milk but you knew there were benefits to exclusive breastmilk feeding for six to seven months of life....so you gave up some of your personal freedom for the good of your child but you drew the line a the point where you thought whatever benefits there were for the baby were so small it was no longer worth the sacrifice of your freedom...fair enough...

But what you did not know was that there are also benefits to having all of the mothers milk come directly from the breast, and never using any artificial nipples and allowing the baby and toddler to get his sucking needs met at the breast through the second of life....

Or if you knew of these benefits you did not perceive them to be that dramatic or worth the inconvenience of having to keep mother-child separations brief enough that artificial milks, artificial nipples and bottles would not have to be used...I would recoomend David Palmer's work to you

I certainly thought similar thoughts at one point in my life as a mother, but the more I have learned the more I realize that even the little things we do have a ripple effect and so it is best to at least have direct breastfeeding through the second year of life (no artificial nipples)  and mother baby togetherness for about 3-4 years as an ideal that we shoot for even if we can't always attain it...

When we begin with the assumption that breastfeeding and mothering just don't make all that much difference that we should have ideals we should aim for in this regard, when we don't put the issues in an ehtical framework, we get on the slippery slope to a society where artificial feeding is the cultural norm and most children experience substantial mother-child separation during their first 3-4 years of life. 

Nils Bergman work on the development of the limbic system might change your mind about the importance of mothering in particular.

 



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JadieLady
December 2007 | JadieLady
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

What i love about your articles is that they are so passionate .

You havea lot of information here, anda lot of points. While these points seem to be well researched, you haven't really referenced where they have come from so its hard for others who are interested in some of the things you have said to follow up on their own accord.

I have to disagree with you that women are the better caregivers.... I certainly know my share who haveleft dad as the parent so mum can work because she just cant handle parenting full time, yet he is more responsive and paternal than the mother is. There is also a current trend I have noticed while studying, there are a large amount of men entering the early childhood education sector. I mean ALOT. It is almost 50/50 in most of my classes, and I have seen quite a few men working while I am out on pracs.  And oyu know what? A lot of the time the kids have better relationships with the men than the women workers. Why? Because its different. Kids need male role models at kindy and school too you know.

An on a comepltely differnet note, i find your suggestion at keepinga file of clippings of childrens deaths quite morbid and would NOT reccomend it to anyone.



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      JadieLady
December 2007 | JadieLady
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them
I forgot to mention that most of the early childhood theorists that developed the way we think of our childrens learning and physical developement were MEN and the first educators were MEN, as were the first everschool run by MEN. In fact, in the very beginning, only MALES were allowed to have an education at all.


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jenlemen
December 2007 | jenlemen
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them
not an ezzo fan, so i see your point.  mothers are essential and responding to cues is key.


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cassaustin
December 2007 | cassaustin
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them

You do make some good points, but as Deb said, i would like to see those statistics. 

I agree that a mothers care is the best, but do you think that maybe we have this opinion because for all eternity it has always been that mothers ARE the main caregiver? I have no hesitation leaving my baby with my hubby. Even thou i know exactly how to get him to sleep, or where he likes to be tickled or how he likes his bath (this is because i have done this every day of his life!) and i know that hubby hasn't had as much chance to do all of these things with him (because he works), i also KNOW that my hubby would never do anything to put our baby's life in danger! And on that note, i also know that bubs Grandparents and Aunty's would never do anything that would risk his life.

I'd just like to stand up for the men here too, i know alot of gay men who are far more maternal and femanine than many women in the world, and they would make fantastic parents. They have so much love to offer children and because of their sexuality they are refused that chance in life. I also know men who have gained full custody of their children because they are the better caregiver.



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blackwidowkate
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2007 | blackwidowkate
Re: Mothering Instincts: Don't Discount Them
Hi
You do have some excellent points but i would like to see statistics
Do these statistics take into account mothers that kill their own children
One mother smothered five of her own  babies and called it sids until it was properly investigated
Other mothers have not been able to cope so take the babies life along with their own
A statistic is only caused by the people they survey
Statistics for my 2 year old is she may live until 35 as that is the statistical age for children like her
Well those statistics had to come from somewhere and the statistics are different in each country so whos lot of statistics do we believe
In  America the statistical age for CF children is  31  Australia  is 35 
In Netherland countries the statistic is 45
Who do we listen to and strive for
These statistics are also done without taking into account that 45 may be killed in car accidents before their statistical age
As for being in the mothers care yes in some mothers care
Read the newspapers and they will often tell you different
The statistics say that if you were molested as a child so will your child and so on
Whether it be in your care or not makes no difference
Just my opinions
Luv Deb


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