Well what do you do?
There are so many factors to consider here.
Are they alone? Are the doing other dangerous things, like hanging around older people, going to theri houses? Are the smoking, drinking, taking drugs or harming themselves? Are they simply shopping? Or are they being
a public nuisance? Has something happened at home or school that has upset them, or are they simply trying to avoid something? Did you catch them, or did the school inform you? IS it that big a deal? Should you inform the parents of the other children?
Are they safe?
The answer to the last question is NO. Even if they come home to wag ( strange I know, but it does happen!) anything could happen to them on the way home and you would not know until school had ended. Wagging is NEVER safe for your child.
It can be very alarming to learn that your child is not in a safe secure environment as you beleive them to be, regardless of how it comes to your attention. But please remember, remain calm. Teenagers do these things. I know we blame alot of silly mistakes and things on beinga teenager, but there is good reason for it. Next time you go to your library do a search for books on neurological development in teenagers. fascinating stuff. The lowdown of it is that the area of the brain that is used for judgement and self control is actually changed. NOt that the part of the brain itself moves, but another part takes over this function during the teen years, and is quite often the cause of judgemental errors, whether it be moral or otherwise. PLease keep this in mind when dealing with a teen.
To me, I would be very upset, but I would get to the bottom of it. I would want to know WHY firstly. My husband and i are wanting to create the kind of relationship with our children that if they were going to do something like that, they would tell us FIRST. That way I can go and pick them up and transport them safely. Bad attitude you say? A teenager is going to do these thigns anyway if its what they want. I would rather know they are safe. I would not encourage it, but I would certainly make sure I was available to ensure their safety.'
If its something they are avoiding (often the case) negotiate. This may mean between you and your child, between parents, between school or whomever else involved. I am sure we all understand how much easier life is with a happy teen.
If your teen is participating in less than desirable activities, do what you can to stop them. (No teenager wants to sit outside with his or her mother and smoke.) There are ways around every little thing :) If your child is hurting themselves, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY! While I am sure these things can be cured purely with the help of parents, and I applaud those parents that have dealt with this issue on their own, I feel a child harming themself is in serious danger,and doesnt have the time to find out if they can be helped without a professional.
NOw a few biggies- The friends. If these are new freinds... probably not the best ones for your child, but i doubt your going to stop them seeing eachother. If these are kids you know and they are nice kids, just wanting to hide behind the manual arts block to avoid a math exam (and you know they wouldnt think to use their stolen time to study for it!) i probably wouldnt bother telling the other kids parents, so as not to cause problems between my child and his friends (These are the ones we like remember lol). However. If I did not like these kids being around my own, you bet I would be telling their parents. or contacting the school to contact their parents. IF it causes a rift with the kids, I hate to say it, but good.
Here is a scary part. If this person is an older one, one who may drive, or doesnt attend school, or if your child spends time at their house alone with them, REPORT IT TO THE POLICE. Sometimes this can be harmless, and lets hope it stays that way. But it can be quite more sinister than that, and frankly appaling. Protect your children. REPORT IT. Much better to be wrong and said something than wrong and done nothing. Your child WILL forgive you for this.
Should we punish? Really I think that being found out is punishment enough, and if the school worked it out (rarely!) they will punish them too. If they have lied and gone behind your backs and are angry- sure give them some extra chores or take away tv privledges, or whatever it is that they turn to these days.take their mobile away. I dont suggest grounding howevber. This can lead to the formidable sneaking out and rebellion (arent teens rebellious enough without having a full-blown revolt on your hands??)
I think the best way to handle the situation- for me- is to sit down, find out why, work around it. If its 'just cause' (many teens will use this) insist that you pick them up and take them where they need to go. (Tell other parents if taking mroe than your own child!! it is important to get there permission first!!) If your child tries to get out of it, threaten to go to school and have morning tea and lunch with him and his friends everyday until your satisfied that he or she wont leave. Follow through if need be. your child;s safety is the most important thing in this matter, who cares if you embarrass them for a few months of their lives? As long as they are SAFE to love you for it LATER.
And remember, teenagers are meant to go through a time of 'storm and stress'. itsa developmental fact- look it up!
Hope this is going to help some of you brave mums out there.
(December 2007) (
