by Tina Shaw
www.singleparentbible.com.au
www.biznessbasics.com
The art of parenting is a tricky and messy business. Seriously, no-one really tells you exactly what you are getting in to when you decide to cross over to the parenting side. We (mother’s I mean)
dream of pastel booties, someone to love us unconditionally and a little child to rock and hold. That little baby soon grows, learns the F word at two, annoys the living crap out of you, gets bullied at school, brings home a D… AND an E, gets in with the wrong crowd, paints their bedroom black and creates a meth lab in the garage. If you are lucky, none of that happens, but most parents will tell you that their ride has been anything but smooth.
So with all the conflicting advice out there, how do we know if we are doing it correctly? How do we bring up children that won’t end up in therapy blaming us for all of their problems? How do we find the strength to be the parents we want to be? I have found that we are our own worst critics. It is our comrades in arms (other parents) who are the most judgmental when it comes to differing parenting styles. Far from supporting and helping each other, parenting seems to turn into this huge contest about who is doing it better, whose child sleeps through the night, whose children don’t fight, whose child is more advanced. This then comes back to, who bakes, who gardens, who reads all the right books and knows all the correct terminology and who is the most creative with their children.
Early on after a morning spent at play group, I started questioning myself. I now worry that every little hiccup in the Tina and Z Man road is setting my darling boy up for a life of problems and drama. When my tiny baby was diagnosed with many allergies, I decided that he was the ‘boy in the bubble’. When I watch him run up to children at the park and see him ignored, my heart breaks a little and I worry that Z is destined to be a social misfit. When he bit a child on his second day of school, I was convinced that I was rearing the next Ted Bundy. With every small tribulation, I become more and more dramatic and more hysterical. Oh thank you play group, thank you.
Bad mother point 1 - I hate to cook and therefore my child has never helped out in the kitchen and never come home to the smell of baking biscuits. My son thinks that cakes come from Woolies.
Bad mother point 2 – I work from home and tend not to love heaps of children running around my home (it’s a noise thing), therefore Z doesn’t have lots of play dates at our house. I prefer for get-to-gethers to be at the park or another off shore venue.
Bad mother point 3 – I work way too much and play far too little.
Bad mother point 4 – I overreact… about EVERYTHING.
Bad mother point 5 – I own stacks of parenting books and haven’t read any of them.
In my defence, I love my child more than anything, more than chocolate, lip gloss, trashy magazines, more than any of my favourite things. He is my most important and greatest achievement and that is why I don’t want to mess this up. I’m sure that many parents feel this way, so I think it’s time to support each other, tell it like it really is, not like you imagine it is and feel the solidarity in parenting. We are all doing the same job just with different assignments. Celebrate what you know you do right and don’t worry so much about what you aren’t sure of. Yes, do seek answers, but don’t lose yourself in the translation.
I don’t bake, but I wade into smelly creeks and collect tadpoles in jars so my son can experience the cycle of their growth. I rarely entertain, but I spend hours lying on the floor putting together tiny Lego towns, so my boy can play with the whole set. I overreact, but I still cuddle and kiss Z at least 5 million times a day. I don’t read parenting books, but I read children’s books. I work too much, but when I’m not, I am all his, he doesn’t have to share me with anyone or anything. I’m not a perfect parent, but I love my son and I struggle everyday to be the parent I want to be. Sometimes I fall short of the mark, but I try to remember that I am only human and tomorrow is another day and then I wake up and give it another shot.
Parenting really is an art. It’s a life skill and one that will be honed with each child you have. Parenting is unique and from one parent to another, let me tell you, if you are doing something wrong, your kids will tell you and you will feel it. You mother ‘sixth sense’ kicks in and you must learn to trust it and trust yourself.
Happy parenting.
© Tina Louise Industries Pty Ltd 2007
Tina Shaw is the Publisher of the online magazine for solo parents, The Single Parent Bible (www.singleparentbible.com.au) and the Director of the Single Parents in Business network (www.singleparentsinbusiness.com). Tina was also the recipient of the 2006 Australian Home Based Business of the Year in the personal services category and is the author of the book; How to Start a Business for Less Than $100 – (www.biznessbasics.com). For parenting information, support, business know how, or just a good belly laugh, log on to the above websites.
(January 2008) (
