I have been stressed lately !!!!!!!!
I spent too much time worrying about the little things
All those things that don't really matter
Every little situation had the capacity of getting me down
Giving me a sleepless night
Or worse.....doubt my ability as a mother
Years ago, my only ambition was to be a Mum
I wanted the whole pretty picture
The little house, with small garden, pretty flowers and a white picket fence all around it, toys on the porch to indicate a happy family and the constant sound of fun and laughter
Don't we all want that
Life just keeps on throwing that curve ball at us !!!!!
Never did I imagine being a single parent
Never did I imagine having to deal with the emotions of an abusive marriage
Never did I imagine putting my children and myself through counselling to recover
Single parenting is HARD
You have to be the Mum and the Dad
Any choices and decisions you make regarding your child, you make on your own, there is no one to talk them through with you
No one to share your joy, your pain, your pride, your fears
Its just you!!
My life over the last two years has been nothing like I imagined
I have become a stress head !!!!!!
I worry about the most stupid things
Even disciplining the boys is tough as you want to make up all the bad times they have seen and lived through
You worry you are spoiling them, then you watch them looking at a family unit of two parents, catch a look in the eye and whether justified or not you feel an incredible guilt that you are in someway to blame that they are missing out.
I was told that although my boys are respectful and loving
they also have those moments when they cleverly manipulated me
I knew it
They knew it
But I worried about the fact that they had spent so many years being expected to be perfect and no trouble, it was okay to allow them some free spirits
I was wrong
An example of this is from an encounter with my youngest son
I told him he needed to spend 10 minutes an evening tidying his room, the first night he never got around to doing it and I never got around to reprimanding him about it !!!
The next night I told him he had to spend 20 minutes or miss his favourite TV show, he smiled........
I knew that smile
I had to be firm
Five minutes before the show started, I turned off the TV and looked at him
He begged, he pleaded, he cajoled he even tried to bargain
But I stood firm
He went upstairs to his room, in a mood and so came the tears....
I ignored him
My other son watched me and said "Mum, he is crying and really upset"
My response was
"Thats not my problem"
Wow !!!!!
What a freeing sentence
"Thats not my problem !"
I believed everything was my problem, what had changed
The realisation that I can't afford to stress about everything
I don't owe the boys anything but love
So they had a rotten time.....
BUT
They are getting help for it and are no longer in that situation
What they need from me right now is "real parenting"
This means lots of love and cuddles
but also means I am in charge and they stick to my rules !!!!
My boys believe they have to take care of me
Its time I showed them that taken care of them is my role
(January 2008) (
