I've been watching my son lately
He has come such a long way
Not so long ago he was anxious, jumpy, frustrated and confused
Now he is confident, relaxed, calm 
and clear
What has changed for him to be able to get to that point ?
He dealt with his issues then put the lid on the box.
Me, however, I couldn't put the lid on my box
I thought I had dealt with a lot of things, accepted the past and started to move on
But I hadn't
What I had done was deal with the issues, then too quickly put them in a box, but I kept taking the lid off to see if it still hurt
IT DID !!!!!
I have learnt an incredible fact through looking at things through the eyes of both my son and my daughter, both of whom are coping, they have a freedom of spirit where when things go wrong, they just don't worry about it
Why do we tell our children not to pick off the scabs of their grazes, after all we know that if you take the scab off before it drops away, the wound goes deeper, takes longer to heal and you even risk a bad infection.
With emotional wounds, picking the scab is exactly what I did.
You cannot box up the past, until you have dealt with the past head on, accepted the past, learnt from the past and laid the past to rest. Allowing yourself to heal and the scars to fade. No, they never disappear, they will always be a part of me, but if I let them fade they will become less noticeable, to me, to others and most importantly to my children.
I'm still not ready to put all my hurts in the box with the lid on, I have to finish dealing with them first
I can only deal with them if I go through each issue step by step and realise that it wasn't my fault and it wasn't my childrens fault. Its not even my friends faults that they abandoned me.
I know exactly where to lay the blame
Nothing is going to change the past
Nothing is going to bring my friends back, they are gone and to be honest, I wouldn't want them back, how can you ever trust people that leave you when you need them
What I am going to do is plan the future
Make new friends
Work my way through to when I can live a life where the past is boxed away, always there but not able to hurt me or the children anymore as the lid is firmly sealed on
(January 2008) (
