Sibling Rivalry

My two boys are playing football together in the garden

I am watching and waiting

Why am I waiting ????

Because there is a good 95% chance that their fun will end in a fight !!

How do

Years of watching the love/hate relationship of siblings

I wasted so many years not improving my relationship with my brother, it is my one big regret in life

We are so incredibly close now, why did I let someone else destroy that relationship with someone that I love dearly

I am close to both my brothers now but even growing up, both my brothers say they were more scared of me than they were our parents !!!!!

I was blessed to being born into a very loving and supportive familiy, on my Mums side alone there was my grandparents, my mums 8 siblings and their partners, I am one of 21 grandchildren and my children are part of the number of 24 great grandchildren of my grandparents, both sadly gone now, there are also numerous cousins and second cousins too, my dad comes from an equally large family, although not quite as close as my Mums. We all looked forward to the regular family get togethers on my Mums side, they would be filled with joy and laughter...............but its changing !!!!!!! Sadly now, that once close family is starting to crumble. One of my Mums sisters has nothing more to do with my Mum, Why?    Because she has stayed in touch with my ex and believed his tales, it has almost broken my Mum to lose a sister in this way and made her very wary and distrustful of the others too. My Mums sister in all this time, has made no attempt to get in touch with me since my marriage breakup but straight away was calling the ex. i have cut her off as an Aunt, she has been no Aunt to me. but most of all I am furious for her in hurting my Mum. my Mums has not got a single malicious bone in her body, she even bought x a tin of chocolates for Christmas because she felt sorry for him. She has written letter after letter to my oldest son begging him not to forget them those letters are now coming back to her marked "Not at this address !!!" 

I may not have had a relationship with my brother for years, but I never wished harm on him and I certainly spoke to him, I just didn't communicate or bond with him. I never hated him, he was my brother I loved him.......I just didn't "get" him What changed for me and my brother was the realisation when x left and I could see him again through my own eyes, I didn't have to "get" him I had to "accept" him. I did and do accept him and along with accepting him I got the bonus of also "getting" him !!!!!! My brother can be seen by some as arrogant......he is not, he is self confident, some see him as a dreamer.....he is not, he is driven to achieve his dreams. he is a fantastic brother, son, husband,  father and uncle.

For years, growing up I wished for a sister........I never got one, but I have an amazing sister in law who is better than a sister to me. We talk to each other as sisters, we confide in each other like sisters, we treat each other as sisters but we don't argue like sisters !!!!!!

So, why is there so much sibling rivalry in this world?

Is it jealousy, is it pride, is it easy pickings, is it familiarity ?????

Some people have REAL issues with their siblings and I'm not talking about those kind of issues, I'm talking about the He/She was mean, He/She took my top without asking, He/She always gets first choice............................... You all know what I mean, the PETTY things we as parents have to deal with

i am teaching my children to value their siblings, I remind them to never take each for granted, always listen to the other siblings opinion, decide its okay to both want different things in life, accept each others friends/fashions/hobbies etc

When my boys fight, I do what I can to stop the fight, but then keep out of it, I may separate them for a while in opposite ends of the house and tell them to re think things, but I don't get involved in their squabbles unless absolutely necessary, they have to sort themselves out and put things right, i encourage them to both have their say without interruption which is a stage I may have to referee (LOL)

I have also noticed that if one of them is under attack from another party, they stick up for each other and back each other up even if later they argue about it saying that the third party was right all along !!!!!!!!!

In this world there are so many people out to get you already, its nice to know that you have siblings covering your back, that is the thinking I wish for my children and my grandchildren. There are sadly some sibling rivalries that are just too hurtful and too painful to ever patch up, I'm sure we all know of this situation. In my family I can't ever see my oldest son and my daughter ever making up. of course I would rather think in the future sometime they could make up, but frankly I can't see it, there has been too much History, my son even once told my daughter in an arguement that he wished the car accident she had when he was driving, had actually killed her !!!! I know my daughter she will never forgive him for that. I understand her even though it is incredibly painful.

So, those of us who are lucky enough to have loving supportive siblings, tell them now how much you appreciate them and for those who have deeply hurt by your siblings I understand this too, I pushed my brother away un necessarily, I am just blessed he is forgiving and I also have two children who will always hate each other. Sometimes things happen between siblings that can never be put right

All we can do is teach our children at a young age the importance of loving your sibling no matter what and never hurting them