Smacking aint a dirty word...

Hi there,

For me as a mum, a parent, a disciplinarian and a carer of children I believe that this is a subject that often tends to get out of control and sadly tends to lead to conflict . . .

I have very firm beliefs here . . . "It is okay to smack BUT it is NOT okay to belt your child"

Often when raising children many parents are faced with the dilemma of whether to smack or not. Whilst I think this is a very personal choice I also fell that parents need to be realistic. In truth there will at least one situation where a child will need a smack or a tap. I use several parenting techniques such as 123 and positive parenting skills BUT I also am willing to give my children a smack if need be.

Cheers Kellz

I think this makes some very good points.  We smack our girls, but only when they have pushed the boundaries too far, or are going back for the second, third etc bite of the cherry.

Minti needs to have an Article Of Interest section where articles that aren't always advice can be show cased.  I don't mean a group, but a public section where parents can show case their writing.  Parenting or not, articles of interest written by parents are still valuable to parents.

Is this advice?  I think it is interesting and it raises some good points and the comments added so far are great.  However I still don't really see any advice about the topic - except to be a good role model of course.  What advice do you actually have about smacking?

I was spanked, had my hand smacked as a kid by my mom and I never felt/feel that she abused me.  Though my stepfather never did that and he abused me badly.  I give my daughter the counting and warn her that if I get to three she gets a spanking...I don't have to do it often and when I do it's normally cause she has hurt her brother....My hubby is the same, he used to get puniched with the belt, and he is a great man.  I think now a days with all these lights on abuse many parents feel they can't punish how they were punished and thus kids are more unruley and disrespectful.  But it is a fine line at times, tho I feel most parents only do it as an escalation punishment....

Congratulations on being brave to discuss this topic.

I agree, people who are against it will only give really bad examples of belting, where those who do smack would just give a little 'love tap' or something. I think giving a belting should be illegal, but giving a 'love tap' when necessary is ok.

Actually I remember when I was in high school in 2001, we had to do a talk on who we know perosnally that inspires us. One of my classmates did a talk on his mum/dad (can't remember which one now) and how he was glad that he was disciplined because he was quite a rowdy boy. He got so out of hand that eventually his mum/dad/both parents smacked him and he said that he was smacked... and if he had rowdy kids that were mini versions of him when he was little, he would smack them too where necessary. The teacher then asked us whether when we have kids and they were being really naughty, whether we would smack them. Just about everyone put their hand up and my teacher was appalled as she believes there are better ways of discipline than smacking!

On another note, it's amazing in Singapore where they still do caning, that the crime levels are extremely low... but then again they do have more Police out in the field?

As a mum and a Foster Mum, there is a diffrence between a smack and a belting,,, and yes its ok to tap on the bum if need be as i was previousely told by a worker through Docs.....

What isnt allowed is smacking them that hard that it leaves a mark, belting them around the head,etc... That in itself is classed as abuse.....

I personally have tapped my children when they were younger, and have learnt that i have other parent skills that sometimes work in my house, does that make me a unfit Mum , No it doesnt.....

Some parents Just need to learn the difference, and what works in my house , may not work for others...

I also want to point out that i was a abused child as well, and my parents discapline started out as a smack, and then they would lash out in frustration, that in it self is not Good....

I have done many articles on this area, and feel so strongly on what is classed as abuse and not abuse....

thankyou..

cazza

Hi there

You are a very brave minti member for starting this...previously, the smacking debate has gotten quite heated.

I smack my daughter occassionally on the bottom. There, I said it....(I'm ducking for cover now). She gets her warnings and her timeouts and then if all else has failed then i give her a smack. generally it doesnt even get to this stage. I dont agree with using belts etc. to discipline as it once was.

It does bring up a valid point tho..20 yrs ago, it was common practice to smack your children even in public. Kids were "kept in line" and certainly showed respect to older people (even if inside they were really thinking you were a tool!). There wasn't the gang related violence and distruction of property as much as there is now. People were not afraid of a 15yr old and them possibly pulling a knife on you for simply looking at them the wrong way. ...Could this be because we as parents have taken the whole no smacking...try the sweet approach to discipling tactic instead? have we tried to do the right thing by our kids but over time it has backfired and we are left with a new generation that simply dont give a rats about anyone but themselves?

I dont know...but ask a few much older citizens and they would probably piont out exactly what I have said..certainly one to consider tho..

Joxx

Smacking is a very emotive issue. Just look at the language we use - proponents will say "a tap on the hand" while oponents will say "a beating". I would not want a tap on the hand made illegal. And you are right, there are plenty of other kinds of abuse which a parent pushed over the edge can stoop to - I've found myself screaming at my 5 year old this week. Im far more ashamed of that than the odd smacked hand, and Im sure she will remember the former far longer than the latter. I was listening to a radio discussion about why Bristish adults are so scared of British teenagers at the moment, and one of the "experts" suggested it is because parents feel disempowered, that they dont feel trusted by society or the State to use their own judgement in the upbringing of their children. And I feel that discipline is just one of the things we are not trusted to know best over any more. Sure, some people go overboard and abuse their kids, but the rest of us shouldnt be tarred with that brush because it is entirely different smacking the hand of a much loved child who has done something dangerous rather than beating a child for whatever reason until they are bruised and in need of hospital treatment. Anyway, vent over! I shall watch the comments arising from your article with much interest!