It's never too soon to start building positive self esteem in our babies and toddlers. Let them know they are a person who is valued in the world. Our children are a reflection of us, and this begins from the moment they are born; many people
start influencing babies while they are in the womb. We certainly did, and you can ‘play’ games with them – Jay used to kick where ever we shone a flashlight on my tummy. He would squirm around to get his feet in the right place – then whammy. It was a great way to get him to change position if I was uncomfortable in the latter stages of pregnancy. He also loved the sound of cars and would kick when he heard loud ones in the street or at the races, and movies that featured loud cars. I would sing him to sleep at around 8pm and he would have a little nap at that time most nights.
There are basic physical things a parent needs to do to ensure a babies survival; providing it with nutrition, a sheltered environment and cleanliness; including changing it’s nappies etc. Parents also need to nurture their baby's egos to give them the best chance of having good self esteem. Nurturing includes; skin to skin contact; cuddling; kissing; singing (or maybe not, singing); talking; eye contact; smiling; playing; teaching; reading books; speaking in a caring tone of voice. These things will affect your baby’s self esteem immensely, for, until they reach the stage of being a toddler, they see themselves and the world through your eyes. The way that we interact with other people also affects them; in front of them we must watch our tone of voice, our language, and our actions. They watch our expressions closely, and they copy nearly everything they learn at this age from us.
Some reasons to build you baby/toddler’s self esteem:
- It will make them feel loved and important.
- It will provide them with confidence to try new things.
- It will give them the courage to try things again if they fail the first time.
- It will help them to make friends and enjoy social interaction with others.
- It will encourage them to be more independent and explore the world around them.
- It will give them the power to think outside the square and revise their plans when things don’t work out.
- It will give them confidence when faced with setbacks or adversity in the future.
Things that we can do to help create good self esteem in babies and toddlers:
Make a big deal over every single good thing your child does. This will not only boost their confidence, it will also encourage them to be better behaved in general. If they are being funny, tell them, ‘that is funny’ and laugh – they will laugh too, this will help them develop a sense of humour. If they are being very good tell them, if they do something new, tell them they are clever. Always take time to recognise the good things your baby does, this will help them to feel good about themselves and your constant validation will encourage them to continue behaving well. At this time in their lives, they are exactly who and what we tell them they are, and they will believe us whether we are right or wrong.
Explain your baby's behaviour to them, let them know that it has a meaning, and help them to understand what they are doing. If they are misbehaving, be sure you tell them that their behaviour is naughty or bad – not them. Say, 'that is bad, that is naughty', or 'I don’t like what you are doing…’ Don’t say, ‘you are bad, you are naughty, I don’t like you…’ That is building up a negative belief system, that could could be very damaging and take years to correct. For example, instead of saying, 'no, don't touch that!,' say something positve, 'put that back, thank you,' or 'that's Mummy's, this is yours,' and give them something of their own to play with. Try to make the situation have a positive ending, by giving them a hug as soon as they change their behaviour, and tell them that is good, or you love them - in fact, tell them you love them as much as possible.
Encourage your babies and toddlers to explore their environment, don’t stop them each time they are trying to do something new; use an exaggerated, cautionary tone, saying ‘be careful instead’. Babies will pick up on your tone, and after a few mishaps, they will know what you mean. Be there to rescue them by all means, however don’t limit them with your own fears and experiences, let them create their own. For example if they try to stand and fall, don’t make a fuss unless they are really hurt – congratulate them for trying and encourage them to keep trying. If you are relaxed, then they will take your cue, and not get worked up over little things.
Set a basic routine for your baby so that they can learn what to expect at certain times of the day. They have their own circadian rhythm, watch them for signs of it, and take advantage of their own body clock to set your sleeping and eating patterns for them. Be flexible and change them when needed, for as babies grow into toddlers, their needs change. If you have a good routine, you will both benefit greatly, and that makes a change of environment less stressful, for if you stick to your basic routine no matter where you are, this will provide a great comfort for the baby. It is even better for toddlers, as they are more aware and a change of environment can affect them more.
If we don’t give them a strong belief system to build the rest of their life upon, it will start crumbling whenever pressure is applied. It is very difficult to do repairs, and rebuild after the event, so let’s do what we can as parents to avoid it. This includes interacting with everyone in a positive manner in front of our child – especially each other. Make an effort to make a calculated response to adverse situations yourself, instead of reacting negatively, by using anger or tears. If something doesn't work for you, persevere and keep trying until it does, apply positive thinking to your own life, and tolerance for others. This can be the hardest part sometimes, and although others may make this difficult , you are still accountable for your own behaviour.
Luisa Foliaki - Mother of MicroMe
