Responsible Role Models 5 - Responding And Reacting

 

The way in which we respond to what we perceive as obstacles in our daily lives, will be closely monitored by our babies, toddlers and children.  I emphasise that these are our perceived obstacles, as this is something that can only be measured by each individual. 

I see obstacles, and adversities, as challenges; this is my choice, and I find it makes dealing with them a lot easier. 

Unfortunately it seems that in our busy lives, many people are stressed out and react strongly to things that more relaxed people barely rate as events each day.  This stress can be transferred to our babies and children, as well as teach them bad habits. The examples below, are the type of things that most of us have faced at some time; ask yourself how you usually cope in these types of situations?

You are running late; you spent ages looking for your car keys, you are about to run out the door when bubs decides it's time to take a massive dump...

• Do you cheerfully change it, have a good laugh and think well better now than when we are out; call ahead to apologise, and let people know you will be late?
• Do you rush back in, change the baby as fast as you can, getting both of you flustered, bolt out the door and rush to be on time – only to arrive late and blame the baby?

The response in the first case removes any stress, and allows you to have the extra time you need without rushing.  The second method is a reaction that many people take, and usually results in more stress.
 
You're driving; your light turns green, you enter the intersection, you realise that another car is about to run the red, and slam on your brakes; narrowly avoiding a collision...

• Do you beep your horn to get the attention of the other driver – hoping they will take note to be more careful next time, and avoid another potential accident.  Breathe a sigh of relief; delight in the fact that you were alert, then carry on with your day as usual?
• Do you blast your horn and carry on getting angry, upset, holding up traffic in the process, then spend the rest of the day telling people about the other terrible driver, and get increasingly angrier each time you retell your story?

The first response is calm, you have learned that regardless of who has the right of way, it's worth taking a good look around before proceeding in the future.  The second reaction is more common, and creates something to dwell on all day long.

Reactions are often based on things learned from your past, and often your reaction is totally inappropriate to the current situation, and is often detrimental to your own sense of well being. Most reactions are subconcious, and your subcoscious is not highly skilled at reasoning, or fully understanding individual situations, which often results in over reacting.  We are all empowered to make a conscious decision about what you will allow to be stressful in your day, unfortunately a large number of people don't use that power. 

If you learn to develop good habits in your daily life, and respond to situations and deal with them as challenges instead of obstacles, you will be better prepared when life drops an unwanted nasty bombshell, or traumatic event in your lap.  So will your children, for they will be emulating their most influential role models; you, their parent.    It is easy to externalise and blame other people and outside events for how you feel, however if you take ownership for your thoughts, feelings and behaviour, you can make yourself a happier person.
 
For me, this is the difference between responding and reacting.  Respond:  Conscious; smart; calculated; positive; solution orientated; responsible; strong; often resulting in a long term positive resolution.  React:  Subconscious; silly; involuntary; aggressive; habitual; weak; often resulting in negative or little achievement.  I believe that if you work hard at responding sensibly to situations, eventually your reaction will closely resemble your response. 

Show your babies, toddlers, children, and teenagers how to seek a solution and respond responsibly when faced with setbacks, rather than to react irrationally.  Teach them that they control their feelings, and actions, always, no matter what external factors are present in their lives.  Being confident in this knowledge will help them when life throws them a curve ball, and it is never too early or late to learn or practice this type of thought process.

Luisa Foliaki - Mother of MicroMe