Why NOT to hit your child.

Thanks Kellz

I did try hard and had to choose my words very carefully, especially after WWII I didn't want to be the cause of WWIII, lol.

Thanks for reading.  I don't see the point in arguing with other people's opinions because people will only listen if they want to.  I have learnt from my experiences that shouting and screaming and being rude and abusive to others doesn't work, so you won't get any trouble out of me, my tabs are too strong, lol.

Good luck with Harrison and if you ever run out of ideas always ask another mum they are normally the best source of information.

Totally agree, the way I see it is that if someone was to hit you how would you feel or react.......so why should a child feel any different to you.     I also agree that it is difficult for a lot of people to be calm,after I learnt that losing my temper was making me feel suicidal I had to take medication to help me stay calm, so in effect I think I'm cheating a bit at the good parenting role which is why I understand how other people feel who are struggling or not. 

So I'm not here to judge but to help if I can.  

dont worry, i dont think you're judging :)

but yeah, this topic has so many different sides to it...
i guess when it comes down to it, every situation has a context, so every situation's different :)

all we can do now is support each other with our decisions...
because im sure everybody here does the best that they can :)

thank you for bringing up a very important topic, with some excellent points xox

Thanks Tee

Yep I know those tantrums are just so bad my one used to bash his head on the floor and it used to make me wince to hear the thump so the only way I could put a stop to that was to put him in his bed/cot and at least he was safe enough to trash it out in there, without me giving it my attention in case I had to dial 999.   But I was never far away I would sit on the stairs and wait...........but I know some kids do a lot worse so whatever you need to do to keep them safe from themselves, do it. 

That is where the problem is I think a lot of the alternatives we try are difficult to implement.  I remember when I first learned about time out I thought brilliant finally an answer to all my probs but it wasn't, you will find what works for you but never stop looking around for other ways or even asking other mums what methods worked for them and how long it took before it started working.  I will put down the methods I used and how long they took to work or if they were very effective or not.

I mean a lot of it can just be common sense for example if you know your one and a half year old has just started to walk and will do a runner in the shops or start attacking the items on the lower shelf then put them in a trolley and keep them occupied with food or shopping or books.   I mean people who leave dangerous substances in low cupboards without a child lock is asking for probs a young child can't tell the difference between a bottle of bleach and a bottle of lemonade.   I hope you get my jist.

i understand what your saying and i agree we have child proofed the home and silly thing like spilling drinks and knocking things over or getting into my makeup and what i smack over they are things we deal with with words it doesnt work but we still try every day.

i would like to add i was abused by my mum both phsyically and menatll as a child to even now.

hey liz, that whole hold em down trick works a charm hey, used to use that with logan for the tantrums when he was younger. he hated sitting still. no wonder he is so blinkin strong now he and us got a real workout with that. ::) the no thing works with rhiannon, she rarely needs anything futher. wish i knew how to stop the constant sooking when she dosn't get her way though. she is such a girly girl....grrr! hehe ::)'s hope you are well. - becca!

Your a brilliant mum I know dealing with autism is very difficult and even though I have never actually experienced it myself I have watched programmes about it and my friends who have autistic children say it's a whole different set of rules when you deal with them. 

When my mum hit me I only had two very vivid memories of what happened the first was almost smashing my head on the fireplace and the second was when I was older at a guess I must have been 10 and she went for me but I hit back and my dad had to step in and protect me.   But if you were to see us now we are so close I only really understood why she did what she did when I had children myself, but for me I want to change the cycle of history and do things differently.  I hope you understand.  Thanks Maria xxxx

i understand.

My mum used to kick the back of me knees to dislocate them and throw cups at me hit me with a paddle and wodden spoons till my skin split. I have never forgiven my mum and i wont. she has in no way made an apploigy and thinks she had done nothing wrong. I also was locked in my room alot and this happened untill i was 17.

OMG Libby I am so sorry to hear this. 

Hi Arna

My friend will never forgive or forget I'm afraid, but she has done things differently more so because she never wants to be like her mother was.  She has four beautiful children and one who is my goddaughter but they are lovely children they have never misbehaved when I have been there or baby sat them.  My friend does moan about them though but then nothing is perfect, lol.

Yep I've done that when I'm at breaking point I would go somewhere away from the situation and try and calm down because I knew that when I got angry I lost any ability to restrain myself.   And both my breakdowns were caused by my anger and both times it was because I got myself into a fight with another adult.   Anger doesn't work for me I'm afraid.

You know the hardest bit for me was feeling alone, I didn't know who I could turn to for help or advice, so I am hoping after I add a bit more to my advice there will be somewhere for people to go to.

Thanks Cazza

Rewards charts are brilliant once you get them going and the children know what they have to do to get those gold stars.  I loved the sense of pride they got when they got their stars. 

My mum never verbally abused me but it's a shame because the only lesson I got in how to be a mother was from her, she wasn't all bad just had her breaking points, my mum and dad used to fight like cat and dog but I'd always take my mum's side.  It is only now as an adult I can see their individual human strengths and weaknesses and that they were both just dealing with a situation the only way they knew how to.  I still love them dearly.

Ok fair enough,..,

For me i am my childrens and other childrens protectors in my house and would not allow no one to land a hand on them while they are under my roof...

xx cazza

Thanks Janice

The message I am trying to get across is to try other ways and not to give up.

I just hope it all makes sense, lol.