ADVICE RATING |
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Trying to protect your children in a break up can often be difficult for both parents. It is always better to tell your child the round about truth . You should not bad mouth the opposite parent always remember your child loves your ex partner and is heartbroken they have
gone away . Right now they need you more than ever, with their insecurity kicking in. How do you know they are not thinking when will mummy/daddy will be leaving too? So, please remember to be nice about your ex-partner; no matter how much you hate them right now, your child need not know.
Here are some examples of what I would say to my children after a break up at differant ages between being a toddler and a teenager.
Approximately 2 - 4 years old.
Mummy and Daddy are feeling cross with each other at the moment, so Mummy Daddy may go and live somewhere else for a while. This does NOT mean that Mummy/Daddy doesnt love you and Mummy/Daddy is very sorry she/he cant be with you but Mummy and Daddy both love you very much. Mummy/Daddy will come and see you as often as she can at least once a week and we can do lots of things together when Mummy/Daddy comes.
Approximately 4 – 6 years old.
Mummy and Daddy are angry with each other at the moment and explain its hard to sleep with somebody who you are angry with. Sometimes Mummies and Daddies can't be together forever. Sometimes mummies and daddies stop loving each other, but they will never stop loving you. It is going to be very hard for Mummy/Daddy to leave you because she/he still loves you very much, but she will come back to see you every week. BUT YOU REMEMBER SWEET HEART IT'S NOT YOURR FAULT.
Approximately 6 – 8 years old.
Mummy and Daddy have separated at the moment because we disagree about things. We don't like it when we are being cross with each other all the time, ecspecially as we know it upsets you. We are going to try and make things better so we can all live together again, but we may not be able to, even though we are trying very hard. We may find that we do not love each other anymore and don't want to live together anymore. Mummy/Daddy haven't stopped loving you, we love you more than you understand, its not your fault and you're not to blame. She/he hasnt gone because you have been bad. I will be here to look after you and Mummy/Daddy will visit every week .
Approximately 8 – teens.
Mum/Dad and I have done everything we possibly can to stay together, I promise you .We don't want to upset our family and we both wish we could be happy together as a family but unfortunatly we cant. Mum/Dad and I don't love each other anymore and now Mum/Dad has the right to see if he/she can find someone else to love. She/he will always love you, call you, write to you, visit you, go on holiday with you etc. Nothing you have done has made him/her go you are not to blame in any way she/he just had to go for himself/herself.
We are still married at the moment, even though we are not living here together as a family , but one day we may get divorced. That will mean that once we are divorced we won't be married anymore, but no matter what happens we will still be your mum and dad and you will continue to see both of us. We still might do things together also, like we could go to the cinema and have a meal afterwards
Luv Emz xxx
(February 2008) (
Hi emmie, I agree with some of the things that you have said but not others. I split from my childrens dad(they have a fantastic stepdad now) when they we only 2 years old. I kept things very basic for them and encouraged their dad to see them as often as he could. At first everything was ok and then he started to waver with his visits. Things got worse and worse. He became very bitter and would not turn up for visits and disappoint them. His negativity and lack of commitment caused my kids a lot of damage. One of my sons developed a speech problem and was referred to a therapist. Through regular visits over a period of time and filling in charts etc it was established that he was much worse leading up to and after his fathers visits. When my kids started nursery, problems with behaviour started . At the same time contact had stopped and their dad took me to court. He didn't even stick to court orders and after a lengthy process and a lot of heartache for my kids and myself he got no PR or no contact.
, I understand totally where you are coming from i havea step daughter who is nearly 5 i have had her here with me since she was 13 months in this time her mother has caused that por child ALOT of head games like u explain the letting down broken promises etc her mother was meant to come to her 4th birthday party but she never showed that was in may we havent seen her since not even spoken on the phone she was meant to call her daily write weekly visit often none of this happened i have now stoppedall conntact by kylies choice she wishes to haveno contact with her BUT if she ever changed her mind i would allow her to see her yes it may boggle her mind for a while but its her parent her choice and i will be there to pick up the piecesafter and give her all the love and affection she needs but my main point of this particular advice is to never lie to them about their absent parent and also never put them downaas they need to work out for theirselfs what they think of the absent parent .
