Re: 4 year old and still number 2'S
anonymous

Question:
 

please help my friend she dosn't no what to do anymore. She has a 4 year old who still poo's herself all the time. they try and praise her if she

does get on the toilet which ithink has happened about twice. they put her on the toilet she wont go then she gets of hides and poo's her self. my friend has had enough her daughter will just not go. we all no that every child is different but i think this is gross and lazy - that my personal opinion is medical(maybe a medical problem) i dunno its just not right this child will be starting school next year and if she dosnt stop she wont be going

so all you lovley minti mums/dads please help my friend xxx

My Advice:
 

I have two boys- ages 5 and 2 1/2.  We started trying to potty train the 5 year old when he showed interest- between the ages of 2 and 3.  He had a few successful potty-attempts, but hundreds of unsuccessful ones where he would do as you describe of your friend's daughter- hide and take care of business in his underwear!

We took my son to the doctor to rule out medical problems when he was four- there were none, just as I suspect there are rarely medical issues that prevent a child from using the potty. (Not saying there are never any- but I do think it's very rare).

I think every child simply decides at a different time when he or she is ready to use the toilet.  No matter how ready we are as parents to stop changing their diapers, or how much we believe they should be ready because they've reached a certain age- we can't really force the child to become ready.  Some children are ready by the age of 2 and just think it's exciting to use the potty, wear grown up underpants, get rewards, etc.  Other children, like my son, are not motivated by such things.  I believe my son's delayed potty training experience is more along the lines of him just not liking the toilet.  He was never one to be grossed out by having the poo in his pants- which is a major motivator for many kids.  If they don't get disgusted or uncomfortable by it, there isn't much to motivate them to use the toilet!

My son is 5 now- and mostly uses the toilet.  We do still have days where he hides and does it in his pants.  We no longer make a big deal out of it though-  (we used to stress the importance of it every time; jump up and down when he did use the toilet, etc) now we just hand him the things he needs to get himself cleaned up and make him take care of it himself.  It's his choice if he chooses to continue to go in his pants, he will have to pay the consequences and clean it up.  This has worked very well and he tends to "forget" or have "accidents" far less often after we implemented this system.

He's in kindergarten- and has never had an accident at school which tells me he has control over it- and he is just choosing when he will use the toilet or not.  I think if you suspect this is the case with your child, just make it so the child has to take care of the issue when it happens.  It can be messy and unpleasant; but it does seem to teach them that they're no longer going to be changed like a baby because they are no longer babies who should be going in their pants.