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No Longer Child, Not Yet Adult. The Tortuous Preteen |
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by RadicalB  (March 2008) (rank 291st) |
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The preteen years – ten to thirteen. Your youngsters are about to leave childhood behind and adulthood is rapidly approaching. What they forget is that need to traverse those in between teen years. With hormones starting to kick in and the realisation that today they are capable of
doing things that they could not do yesterday the youth of today are growing up faster than anyone is prepared for. Add to this the pressure from their peers and the never ending flood of mixed messages from the media and you have one totally confused preteen.
When mum or dad tell them no, their first reaction is WHY. Clear, loud and often with venom. Yet tomorrow, that same statement will be met with understanding and politeness.
It would be easy to blame hormones. It would be easy to blame peer pressure. It is also easy to blame the media, the internet and million other reasons. The bottom line is that this is the age that our children, as they approach adulthood, start to define themselves as individuals.
At this age your child is simply trying to answer the age old question, ‘who am I’. By pushing boundaries they are trying our patience. They are also testing their own abilities. They are learning, albeit the hard way, the art of negotiation; the art of compromise; even the art of blackmail and bribery. At this age they start to learn that charm, cunning, guile, brute strength and intimidation can be powerful tools.
How do you handle a child in this situation? The simple answer is that you don’t. It is a stage in every human’s development. The real answer is probably to learn to survive this period of their lives.
If I have a word of advice to parents with preteen children, keep all communication channels open. Try to understand their situation but in saying that, stick to your beliefs and be firm in your decisions. Don’t make a decision in an indecisive way – this displays a weakness that preteens will try to exploit.
Clearly communicate your decisions and your reasons behind the decision. At the same time, learn to start letting go – within reason. Set boundaries that are fair but that can be relaxed as the child gets older and earns the right to have those boundaries relaxed. Again, it communication that counts most.
Your youngster is growing up – it’s your job to help them. I just wish it wasn’t their job to make it as hard as possible for us.
