Studying when you have kids

I'm back at uni for the 3rd year now, and have been talking with other mature age students with children.  Studying seems to elicit all sorts of emotions for a parent - excitement at doing something new, trepidation about taking on something unfamiliar and guilt about the time it might require you to take away from the children.

I think the most important thing is to know exactly why you're studying.  And to remind yourself of what you're trying to achieve when times get tough.  For me, by studying at uni I will gain a qualification which will allow me to change career so I can do something everyday that I feel really passionate about - and I still get paid for it.  When it gets hard, I remind myself of that, because the end is worth more than this temporary period of discomfort.

I find it really helps to do up a schedule so that you have a way of knowing what you should do at any one time.  Put everything in it - meal times, travel times, the time it takes to take kids to school or child care, getting ready in the mornings, housework, paid work, class times, study times, big assignment times, exercise, sleep and anything else you need to fit into your day.  If you can't make it all fit - then you need to do some serious thinking.  Is there anything you don't really need to do?  Could you get a cleaner to do the housework or use an online site to do your grocery shopping?  Could someone else take the kids to ballet or soccer?  Do you really need to do paid work while you study or can you survive on a smaller income for a period?  Once you have a workable schedule, you're half way there!  I find its important for me to leave gaps in the schedule where I can fit social events and rest times.  During the semester, the amount of free time tends to ebb and flow depending on when assignments are due, but it is an excellent starting point.

Once you have a good schedule, I think it is also important not to have any false illusions that your study will not encroach on your previous family or kid time.  Of course, do all that you can to schedule things so that you disrupt your family as little as possible.  But you need to remember that studying is not often designed for parents and the times that things are schedules often conflict.  And if you find yourself in the position of doing group work, you will need to work around other people's schedules as well.   Part of the challenge for a parent is fitting everything in without making yourself feel like you'll pulled in 100 different directions.

Something that I find really useful with my kids is to include them in the homework I am doing.  I am lucky to be doing classes that require me to use paints and do drawings, and the kids love to sit with me and do their own drawing or painting.  When I am needing to do reading, I give them books to read (or at least picture books to look at) so they are sharing in that with me.  While there are times when you just need to get away from the kids to do an assignment, I believe it is also good for your kids to observe how you learn and complete your work. It gives them an excellent example of what to do as they get older and they will know that you can truly understand the struggles they have as they go through school.

When there is free time, it is a really good idea to just enjoy being with your kids.  Get out of the house and make the most of your leisure time.  Show your kids that although you are busy, you still want to make time for them.  And you need to make sure you have decent breaks.  Children will help you to relax if only you'll let them.  Take the time to play again.  Kids always have recess and lunch at school - and they use the time to play, not study.  You will gain so much if you do the same.

So, just to reiterate those points again:

1. Know why you're studying;
2. Do up a schedule;
3. Don't have false illusions that you can separate study totally from your family;
4. Include the kids in your homework; and
5. Enjoy your leisure time with your kids.

And best of luck!!!