Parenting Emotions - Fear

Our babies at birth are defenceless

they rely on us for everything

 So. What is that emotion swelling inside my head

Is it Love ????????

No, its total Fear of doing the wrong thing !!!!!

OK Maybe I exaggerated, there is  for most of us an overwhelming sense of love when we look at our child too. But I will never foget the first time I was ever home alone with my first born. The babys father had gone to work, My Mum was coming along soon, the baby was asleep.....no problem !!!!!!! But then I heard it.......my baby boy was crying!! There was no one to tell me what to do, I was too scared to pick him up, What if I slipped and fell with him in my arms  ? So I sat on the floor and sang to him and played his musical toy till my Mum arrived and I then felt confident enough to pick him up.

Seems so strange now thinking back, i would never question what to do if I heard a baby crying, it was just so new and scary for me back then. I loved this child so much and my driving emotion was fear of hurting him or getting it wrong.

There are so many levels of fear we go through as Parents.
We are fearful when our child won't sleep
Fearful when they wake at night
yet fearful when they sleep right through
Fearful at the first signs of a sneeze
Fearful if we see any insects flying near them
Fearful when we leave them at school
Fearful when they go visiting
Fearful when they have no friends to visit
Fearful that they may not recognise danger signs
Yet equally fearful that we are being too protective and not allowing them to learn for themselves
Fearful for their emotions when they don't make the sports team
yet fearful when they do make it that they are on the winning side
The fearful that they won't be gallant losers if they are on the losing side
As they get older we fear for them when they are out with their friends
And according to my parents it never stops !!!!!!
They are now facing the same fears over their grandchildren

Phew !   No wonder parenting is so exhausting !!!!!

What can we do to not be fearful ????????

Nothing !!!!!!!
To be honest having some fears is acually a positive way of coping, as long as we are able to cope with the fears we live.
These fears are worries of the unknown. We need to accept these fears and instead of trying to find a way of stopping the fears, which is an endless and hopeless task, find a way of living with those fears so they do not take over our lives.
The best way to live with parenting fears is to stay calm.
Don't always think the worst !

So baby is having trouble sleeping at night ! Stay calm, your fears will pass on to the baby making the baby even more anxious and less likely to sleep

if you wake at a time you are usually feeding and baby has slept through, stay calm, don't wake the baby, take a deep breath reassure yourself that baby is fine and having a good night sleep and grab more rest yourself.

If you see bugs flying around your baby and make a huge fuss, not only are you likely to upset and scare your baby, passing on that fear but you are also increasing the risk that the bug will attack and bite in fear too. Stay Calm !

When your child is about to start school, make it positive, talk about the fun they will have, the friends they will make, don't bring any negative vibes into the equation, you are only passing on your own fears. If your child has problems making friends, arrange with other Mums to meet in the Park or have "Play" sessions together encouraging your child to mix from an early age, helps them to learn how to make friends and play alongside other children.

Children are one of the biggest carriers of germs !!!!! So it is highly likely they will be the first to catch any colds, tummy upsets etc doing the local circuit. When your child is ill, be calm, don't blow any minor illnesses up to something more stressful. Teach them how to harden up and deal with these bugs without it becoming a major issue everytime they catch an infection.

Encourage your child to get involved in all forms of activities they enjoy, but make sure they know that it is taking part that counts, not being part of the team everytime, this way they are joining in for the right reasons they are having fun, and they have no fears of letting parents down for not making the team. Also teach them to be accepting losers, to realise that as long as they have done the best they can but beaten by a team that played better does not make them losers !!!!

As for the fears of them going out when they get older ????????? This is hard, when you hear so many scary stories in the news. But you have to find a way of staying calm and coping with it. For me it works that my older children have mobile phones and always let me know where they are. For instance if they tell me they are going to town but then meet a friend and go to their house, they tell me so I always know where to find me, same rules apply if they are out at night. (Although I am on a time out from that at the moment as my older ones don't live home and the younger boys are not of the age to be out at night !!!!!!!!)

There is nothing we can do about the fears involved in parenting but we can learn to control these fears, instead of those fears controlling us. !!