I don't seek perfection, rather my goal is to reduce the daily pandemonium of clutter, teach myself organization as well as my son good methods of daily living. To promote happiness and a sense of order in a single family home so we are not constantly on each

other's backs with me nagging at him. I really wanted to work together, each of us contributing towards a common goal...a neat and clean home. A structured weekly routine and distribution of jobs works for me, as I'm more than a bit scattered. I was, and still am a bit stressed about working full time, taking care of the house, and the both of us, as I barely managed when I was working part time. I think my son feels a bit of the "man around the house" a sense of accomplishment and pride in helping me. I felt more secure in meeting his needs with less work left to do on my shoulders when I'm worn out...I get pretty grumpy. This gives us  the ability to spend more time 'with each other'. I feels secure in his knowledge, that his needs would still be met, because it was quite an adjustment for both of us.  Some here might think this style of living is harsh, it is nothing compared to what will happen to ds if he grows up not knowing what to do or how to behave. I am not young, it is my desire to teach my son, while he is young, because once he becomes a teen he will be more independent and possibly work himself. By giving him these responsibilities now, I hope he will have a solid knowledge base of how to live as independently as he can (he has some disabilities) when I'm gone, and to be a good provider and husband to his future wife.

Too much responsibility? For some, the following might seem a bit much for a child, however I work hard and like my ds, we don't want to spend  our days off cleaning, doing laundry etc.  Today at 12, ruling the house is a bit more difficult, he is busy with his life emerging, school and scouts....and yes the pre-teen attitude. So many kids in our community have so much 'stuff,' it is a rich community with a few poor ones like me. These rich kids feel they should have a free ride, they don't respect their property nor show respect for their parents.  I've told my son clearly, in the real world this is not how things work and it is my responsibility as a parent to teach him what he will need to become a productive member of society. He will need to be responsible for being on time, be productive at what his job is and what is expected of him, to be respectful and use good manners and be polite if he wants to make it in the real world. If he is not taught these morals and values now, in a world so filled with legal and moral corruption, and temptations I often wonder what will become of him?  I've accepted that parenting is not a popularity contest. I  have learned so much from my son, through parenting him about my own shortcomings and weakness, what I value, what I aspire too as a Mother and as a person in society to give back to our community. I feel quite proud of myself that I can say I'm sorry to him if I'm wrong...something I never heard from either of my parents.

Ugh...like any kid, does he like doing chores...do I like doing chores ...nope, does he fuss, yup,  do I fuss with the monotony of repeating the same thing all the time, yup..talking to deaf ears...darn right I do....especially when a mess is made or not cleaned up when I ask right after I've cleaned!!! ...he also knows that I won't give in and he will loose privileges if his chores are not done. So to conclude, our family brain storm come up with Rock n roll music to pump us up for the tasks at hand while working, ...really loud!  a specific "family clean time" ours happens sat am starting at 9 am and we are usually done in only an hour!  Then we are Free!!! We love the outdoors, hiking, gardening, watching birds, eating out etc.

Having a family meeting is where we started before I returned to work.  Cooperation and delegation of jobs, reasoning rather than dictating, and giving us both choices and options made the process much more palatable. Choice vs. my demanding with parental control is not a good way to teach, nor to achieve a happy home. As a child I would rebel against that type of 'making me', so I won't as him to perform under those conditions. I don't want to put that type of pressure on him either, as he is just a kid, and is learning. From what I've read, really listening is a hard thing to do sometimes, taking out what is in ones head, not forming sentences as a response before the other person ends speaking. So I really did some good listening when we sat down to discuss what would happen when I went back to work, I quite frankly, asked for his help. I told him what hours I'd be working, he would be going to a  homework club at school and I'd pick him up when I was done work. Because I knew I couldn't do it all and I'd be a raving Mom if I tried, I expressed my need in a way that he wanted to help me out because he's a great kid. So a couple of weeks before I started, we had a  Friday night party of pizza and chips picnic on the living room floor, totally reduced my stressed out mind as we brainstormed ideas of how to make our house and lives run smoothly... making a list/chart of days times chores etc., he came up with some really great ideas! I'm very proud of him and his accomplishments.

I do give him a lot slack, and I'm sure to 'appreciate' him and his limitations as a  child. Praise, smiles,  high 5's from me with a hug and gratitude for his attempts or accomplishments. More times than not as a youth, I was given scowls and frowns of frustration and pointing out errors....constant critical attention nothing is gained except low self-esteem. I still might to go back and do a lot of what ds has 'tried', at least he has tried and that is what counts to me and to our life style(I do this when he is not around).  My ds started out when he was around 2 yrs playing with the vac, because he loved to hear and move the vac, then mop because he liked water...oh my... Was it perfect, no, but it got the idea of house jobs planted. He loved to sit on the counter as I cooked up pancakes Saturday mornings, and now he can make his own cereal, or scrambled egg.  I love reading, read to him always as a baby and now he will sit quietly reading a book on his own...it is the copying of what the adult does and the desire to please and behave like Mom or Dad.  Sometimes when he is really 'hot' he will do something without even being asked when he knows I'm tired...he will occasionally ask to make dinner, or lunch on a weekend and will plan out the whole meal!

Daily job routines, he sets the dinner table as I cook and we talk about his best and worst of the day, and my day.  A time to just communicate with no distractions.  Sometimes it is hard to just sit and talk when there are activities after dinner or homework not completed.  At night, after his shower,  his dirty cloths get thrown into the basement, one less trip up the stairs for me.  On Sunday night, he  puts out five sets of clothing, this helps with mornings and being ready for the school bus, and I know he has enough clothing for the week. During the week, he has his hands full doing his job 'at school'.  I pick him up at 4 pm he quickly does his chores, has free play time until dinner(about an hour).I do washing up while he finishes homework that he needs help with while I'm in the kitchen. After dinner we do reading, house project work, tv or a bit of computer time. (M), He empties the waste baskets, (T), takes out the trash and puts up the garbage barrels(Wed), brings the barrels back to the yard. (Th) no jobs, BS, No jobs on Friday or Sunday. Saturday morning or Friday night he cleans up his toy room/bed room and vacs, when this is done, his time is his own.  He also puts away clean dishes (Daily) I vac, mop and dust, do all cooking, cleaning, washing & folding, take care of the cat, litter box, mail bills etc., work and drive him all over creation when needed for school, BS or other events. Essentially he takes care of his space and if he doesn't then Mom goes in and does an overhaul, with a huge plastic bag and throws away what is not taken care of...usually after a few blow outs of temper.

For me, I have about 1.5 hours before work, so every morning before I leave for work, I don't get overwhelmed at night or have a huge mess at the end of the week I do my 'sanity cleaning' and Sunday night my weekly schedule of appointments are checked on my daily calendar of accomplishments...No To Do List for me!  The meal, shopping etc is done Sunday night when he is in bed, I shop after work,  wash goes in mornings, dried evening and folded when he is in bed, and I'm chill 'en out watching some TV. Dear son is out the door around 8 am, the dishes go to dishwasher or quick scrub before I'm off to work in the morning after I make his breakfast and snack because that works for me...I don't mind dinner dishes in the sink soaking, but counters and stove have to be clean.  My bills I have set up payment on my computer which saves a lot of time, money in postage and can deal with them as I've scheduled the due dates for two week intervals as I get paid every two weeks. A daily swish in bathroom sink, toilet, same with kitchen, daily swish of stove, spills on the floor, counters etc...daily clean up of clutter..newspapers, mags, mail etc. I'm usually up at 645 and in bed by 12 or so and off to work around 930 so I do have my quiet time which I need for my brain and soul. This is another aspect of going to work that needs to be addressed, we all  need our quiet time to recharge our batteries!

I hope some ideas from what I do, plus flexibility will help your home run more smoothly. Some days we are just slobs and don't do anything :o)  I don't want to be a drill sergeant, rather a  mom, I change like the eb and flow of waves with each new obstacle crashing on the shore of our front door...foibles, adjustments, acceptance, and humor are all very necessary as well as the back bone of structure.