Hi guys – We ALL have suffered from some type of fear in our lives. For many of us we learn to adapt and move on yet for some it can effect their every waking moment and therefore their fear controls their daily lives; whether it be
a little fear or a major one it is the same. Fear is fear.
As a young child I was terrified of the dark and what I thought might be hiding under my bed! This fear ruled most of my childhood and it wasn’t until my teen years that I began to move past it.
As an adult I have a few friends that still have fears ranging from fear of thunder, spiders, mice and even loud sounds. Most of my friends continue to live with these fears and have themselves learnt to adapt, this for me is sad, as most of these friends have passed their fears onto their children.
I am one of the lucky ones as I have taught my children to face fear, my girls ALL get excited when they hear thunder coming and all want to sit outside on the porch to watch the light show. My 23-month-old sees a spider and gets excited, as she want’s to be the one to jump on it . . . I have accomplished this by simply making games of these things as they grew. Every time a new fear develops we tackle it head on, this is a GREAT way to teach your kids but what about the parents and their fears?
There are many Psychologists who believe that we are born with two fears, fear of falling and fear of loud noises. These Physiologists also say that these fears are healthy and are designed to keep us away from dangerous activities when we are children. Any other type of fears are thought to be ‘learned’ fears and this is considered to be great news and ‘learned’ fears can be unlearned if you work towards this . .
Here are some ideas for ‘unlearning’ your fears:
Accessing a worst-case scenario: (By this I mean, ask yourself what is the worst thing that may happen) Quite often we are able to remind ourselves that the worst that could happen would be that everything would remain the same. In other words by trying something new we wouldn’t get hurt.
It’s important to also use vivid descriptions when you think about the worst case scenario as the more vividly you describe a situation the more likely your emotions will jump in and help you out.
Study whatever you fear: The simple truth here is that we almost always fear what we don’t know so the more we study something the more we learn and the less we may fear it. So if you have a fear of snakes, stuffy them. Learn which ones are dangerous and which aren’t, this way you will learn which ones to fear and which not to and also by learning about the snakes you will learn what not to do when a snake confronts you.
Up until the age of 18 spiders terrified me. I went into therapy as my fear was becoming out of control. I learnt to study them and with weeks my fear was gone. By learning to identify the breed of spider I learnt not to fear them.
Desensitising: This means that you will need to put yourself in front of whatever you are fearful of, but only in SMALL doses at first. Always begin with small amount and then slowly increase.
The simple fact here is that when we fear something our bodies release a higher amount of adrenaline which gives us a rush and makes it harder to manage fear properly. This adrenaline rush can also make us become disorientated, our hearts pound, our hands and legs tremble and many other things. By desensitising ourselves we can learn to mange our fear in an controlled environment.
Visualisation: Using this technique allows you to remain in the safety of your home while using mental images. However for this technique to work you really need to be able to use ALL 5 of your senses. It’s important that you don’t just see the scene but you must feel it, taste it, smell it and hear it. This technique is best done with the help of a qualified Psychologist.
These techniques can take some time but they do work. . However in the meantime you still need to survive day to day . . Here is something that I have taught my kids, I’ll use s spider fear as a guide . .
- STOP - Stop everything, stop moving, stop thinking
- SHAKE – Give yourself a shake, snap your fingers and shake your head
- SPEAK – Say out loud “This spider is not going to attack my face, its more afraid of me”.
- REWARD – Once you have overcome your fear do a little dance or scream and sing a song.
My children use this technique now without even thinking and it’s amazing what they are able to get over.
My eight-year-old daughter used to have severe Asthma attacks every time she saw a spider or any type of bug now she doesn’t even react. I am so very proud of her. So next time you are placed in a situation when fear is grabbing hold try our technique and see how you go. REMEMBER if you are driving a car etc to quickly and quietly pull to the side of the road and then work through your fear..
Thanks for taking the time to read this and good luck with learning to manage with your fear . .
Cheers Kellz
© Copyright 2008 Kellzacar. . All writings by Kellzacar remain the property of Kellzacar and should not be republished or copied without written permission. Kellzacar can be emailed via Minti
