Parenting Emotions - Anger

We all have those moments as parents

You grit your teeth and count to 10

But still you feel the anger bubbling away at you inside

You take a deep breath and try to control that feeling

Sometimes

But what about those times when we can't control it


I defy any parent to say they have never "snapped"
We've all done it, unless you are of course a unemotional robot !!!!
After the anger, comes the guilt and deep remorse
Finally the begging for forgiveness, usually its forgiving ourselves that takes the longest though.

Rage and Anger are very powerful emotions
But they are controllable.......for the majority of the time anyway

The best advice I would ever give anyone in a situation where they feel the anger rising, would be to step back, remove yourself from the situation if possible, even if it means locking yourself in the bathroom and splashing cold water on your face. Anything, just don't let the anger control you.

If there is anything that makes me angry as a parent, then its defiance !!!!!!

You know the times, you ask them not to do something and right in front of your eyes with a challenge in the look they thrown you, they do it anyway !!!

This is not an article on smacking, I have my own opinions on smacking but they are mine and I don't choose to judge others on this topic. However, for the record, I did smack my children when they were young in some situations. Disobedience being one of those situation, if I asked my child to not do something and they did it anyway I would smack them, but I would smack their hand, in fact even when they were very young I would sometimes cover their hand with mine and smack my own hand next to their ear and that sound would be enough for them to realise they didn't like it !!! I have discovered though that smacking in my family is the least effective way of controlling my children as it made them angry and sulky and resentful. I found exclusion or loss of priveliges for favourite toys far more effective.

What I will say on smacking though, is that I strongly believe there is a fine line between smacking and abuse, and in MY OPINION you do cross the line when you smack your child in anger. As your emotion at that point is not to discipline but to harm !!!!!

We all get angry, anger in itself is not a bad thing as it is a great way of releasing tension in ourselves, its how we conduct ourselves when angry that gives us the problems.

I have lost count of the number of times that in anger I have held myself rigid, gritted my teeth, clenched my fist and with the odd stamp or two come out with a loud GRRRRRRRRRRR ! Once the anger has left me i can be calm again and deal with whatever was making me angry in the first place.

I am all for dealing with something a child has done wrong immediately and not gone down the "I'll deal with you later route !!!" which I find disturbing anyway, but again there is that fine line we get to.

Is it best to lash out in anger or take five and be able to speak about the situation calmly with the child when I have my anger under control. ???

Of course, we have the added pressure of our children knowing exactly what buttons to press to take us over the edge !!!!! Especially our teens who don't even attempt subtlety LOL But staying calm is honestly the best weapon at our disposal even in those situations.

We can't stop our anger, but we can always control it before it controls us