This is a very contensious issue and I must stress that this is my personal expericence and I hope by sharing my experience that other first time mothers can make the choice without feeling guilty.

When my first daughter (Haylee, who is now 5) was born 5

weeks premature, some of the midwives at the special care nursery stressed how important it was that she was breastfed.  Mind you, during her time in the special care nursery she was firstly tube fed and then bottle fed by the midwives.  When it was time for me to feed her, they provided the formula and bottles so I could bond with her during feeding (as she was in the humidicrib). 

They explained to me that I should express my milk and bring it in to feed her and being a first time mother, I expressed my milk and brought in what little I had spent hours getting to feed her.  I did this for the week she was in hospital.  Before she came home, I spoke to a midwife who gave advice about breastfeeding and she suggested that I try but if I felt that Haylee wasn't getting enough then I should have formula to give her a top-up, I must say that this midwife was very nice and I didn't feel like she was pressuring me.

When we brought Haylee home I continued to try and breastfeed, I even expressed to see if this would help my milk come in but it would take me hours just to get 20mls of milk.  For 5 weeks this went on and one day my husband came home and found me and Haylee crying, Haylee because she was hungry and me because I felt like a complete failure as a mother, my husband was extremely concerned.

When I went to my GP who is a Gyno/Obstatrician for my 6 week check up, he looked at me and asked how I was doing.  I broke down in tears and told him how I've been trying to breastfeed but Haylee doesn't seem to be getting enough and that I felt like a failure as a mother.  He suggested feeding Haylee on formula and to come back and see him in a week.  However, I still felt like a failure as a mother because I couldn't even feed my daughter.

I started feeding Haylee on formula that day and not only did Haylee sleep straight through the night but she hardly cried anymore, she was a much happier child.  I went back to my GP and he said that he was looking at a new woman.  He could see that Haylee was flourishing and he was no longer concerned about my health.

So when I had my second daughter I knew what I was going to do.  I spent one night in hospital with her after she was born and I again tried to breastfeed her and even tried expressing to help my milk come in but it was obvious that I was going to have the same problem with Kaitlin, not enough milk.  The next day, I put Kaitlin onto formula and we haven't looked back.

At times, I do feel that I have missed out on something because I couldn't breastfeed but I just look at how Haylee has flourised and Kaitlin is such a happy baby and then I realise that it doesn't matter that they're bottlefed but that they have enough food and are loved.  I am as close to my daughters as any breastfeeding mother is to their child.

No doubt it would certainly be easier to breastfeed, no sterilising bottles, mixing up formula, making sure you have enough when going out, worrying about heating the bottle when out and about and not to mention the expense of the formula, bottles etc.....

It has also been said that babies that are breastfed don't get as sick as babies who are bottle fed, in my experience this has not made a difference.  Haylee (being a bottlefed baby) was hardly ever sick as a baby and even now will only get the occasional cold.

Again I just want to stress that this is my expreience and I'm not passing judgement on midwives, breastfeeding mothers or even bottle feeding mothers.  I just hope that by sharing my experience it might make someone feel a little easier about their decision, whatever it may be.