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Being a Mum after being abused by your own Mum. |
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Anonymous Author (April 2008) |
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Being Physically and Mentally abused by your mother since you were a baby is a hard thing to deal with when its your turn to have your family. I have had to change my whole way of thinking just to be able to be a mother.
Now not to
be rude or mean, but my mother had me to save a realtionship that was well and truely over. she lied to my dad and said she was on the pill when she had stopped taking it a few months prior. Dont get me wrong my dad loves me to bits and i da have a good realtionship with him, but he was devistated when mum said she was pregnant and he thought it wasnt his as my my does sleep around (at this point he didnt know this, but assumed) he did what he thought was the right thing as stayed with her. they got married when i was 10 months old and she walked out on him 3 months later. this is when he found out that there was a huge chance that she was cheating on him. he filed for custody but sadly lost. this is when the abuse started for me and what i can remember my form of cutting and hurting myself.
in the first year of being away from dad we moved 12 times. i was neglected and often left with my nanna, grandad and Aunty ( T is 6 years older than me and we are more like sisters than Aunty and neice). i to this day call her my real mum and sister as thats how i feel about them. when i was 3 we lived in a block of flats in Worcheshire ( not a nice place to live) i was told to go and play while mum entertained her numurious men that she would have over. i would have to go to either my uncles who was a few units up or go 4 stories down to the play ground. one day this backfired on my mum and i was taken by some ppl ( i will not name them as i feel it isnt nice)that lived in the lower floor of these flats. i was gone for 5 hours. they returned me after that day, but didnt give the the promissed lollies. i think it was my aunty that realised i was missing. this was after 4 hours of me being gone. then the beatings and being locked in my room started. where we lived the door handles we 2/3 up the door, so a small child (which i was) could not reach them. i also had all but 2 of my toys taken from me. i learnt from this age that i was nothing to my mum but money and her men friends were more important than me. thankfully after a while she met a man M and they got enganged. at 2.5 my dad wanted to take me to england for 2 weeks to meet my family, but she said no. and assumed he would keep me there as at the time neither mum or dad were australian citersens ( mum is now but dad still isnt) dad took it too court and won that he could take me. so off i went. i came home 2 weeks later to find out we were movig again. this time to sydney. now this i have blocked from my memorie. all i can remember is mum never being there, her leaving M and we came home (to perth) after my dad found us and she was 6 months pregnant.
then it got worse. i wont go into detail for 4-17, but i will say this is when i started cutting myself often with knifes. the first time i was 4.5 i couldnt handle my sister screaming so i thought it would make it go away. in high school it got worse and mum used to dislocate my knees (thus them being so bad) and i wsant allowed out of the house. i had to cook and clean the house while mum sat on her bum ( she never had a job) and watche the soapies on tv. I had to get my sister off to school so needless to say i never did my TEE as i had no time to study. she also made it hard for me to go and see my dad. i used to beg him not to let me go home. but he wouldnt listen. i would get smacked and beaten all the time. if her coffee wasnt right i would cop the lot. when my sister in year 8 got suspended for doing P O T on the school oval i got blamed for it.
she kicked me out a few times but at 17 was the last time. i went to dadss. and this was all over that i bought her a cup that said worlds best mum. LOL ( a joke in my head)
My life was never better living with dad. i had freedom. i cleaned when i wanted to. dad waitered on me. we had the yummest food ( dad is a great cook) i did my art course and met chris. (who 8 years later i still deeply love and adore)
then my problems got bad again. i was pregnant with Jamie. when he was born i said to chris help i dont know what to do. i told him about the years of abuse and he said we would take it one step at a time. his family (very religious) all prayed for me and my salvation. sadly my mother got to me and i almost gave into temptation and ended my life with Jamie 6 weeks old. thankfully and yes it is religious, but god told me i had greater things for my life and that i a lot to do in my life and that i was to help ppl like me. ( thus why i am writing this)
now as some of u know 3 years ago i had a breakdown as i didnt deal with any of this and having a daughter brought all these bad thought back and i started cutting again.
now the way i hav delt with this in the last 3 years is this :
- i am not perfect. nor am i a perfect mum. i dont need to be. all i have to do is love my children
- nurture. nurture my children. show them they are valued and wanted.
- if you feel the negitive say to your children " mummy is having a time out atm" my children know what i went through as a child so they in their way understand
- get councilouring. it helped me overcome alot
- talk to your partner or a friend who u trust
it has been so hard to parent my children as att imes i do see her face when i disapline my kids. and they see it as i see the fear in their eyes. at this point i stop and hold them appologise and i cry. my kids also know their boundaries and know what disapline for what things (i am going to write about that too)
i do hope this help people who have been in a similar situation understand there is life after abuse and there is no excuse for carrying it on
