One of the big factors in a family break up
Housing !!!!!!
We all need somewhere to live,
I wanted so much to keep the old family home for me and the boys
I felt that it would be good for them to have some kind of stability in their life
And decided it had to be the home.
We no longer live in that home and in our situation, leaving the home behind was the best thing for us.
It was a scary time as I had no idea for a long time where I was going to live with the boys, I felt angry and cheated as their father wasn’t paying anything towards their upkeep, had satellite TV for himself but apparently couldn’t afford to send me any financial help for the boys. When I knew the house was going...........I was really scared.
After a rocky few months, we eventually got housed in a temporary local council home and have this home until they can find us something more permanent.
I expected great tears as we left the old family home, but I was shocked !!!!
My boys were glad to leave there. We all decided that this was our chance for a fresh start, we were not only leaving the house behind, we were leaving memories we didn’t want reminding of and leaving the sensation of living in a home we didn’t feel safe in.
Eventually I twigged, we didn’t leave our home at all, we left just a house behind. Home was with us all the time.
Home was the feeling of safety in our own family unit
Home was being together in a safe environment
Home was living in a building with no shadows or ghosts
Home was just being together
I had confused a House, which is basically a structure with a roof over us, with a Home which is a place of safety, love and relaxation.
If following a family break up you are able to stay in the house with the children and feel strong enough to make a fresh start, re claim your house as a new home.
Eradicate all bad memories this can be done as simply as just changing furniture around in a way that you haven’t placed your belongings before. Do whatever you can to keep the routines that the children enjoyed in place. Ask for their opinions on any changes you do make
If, however, like me you cannot stay in the house, then just make sure you take the sense of Home with you
So make sure, when packing your things together, you remember to bring the important “Home” qualities with you
Safety - Never take for granted the feeling of Home being your Safe Place
Love - Amidst all the hussle and bussle of packing up your house, make sure their is love being handed out freely
Relaxation - A Home is not a perfect show house, it is a place to relax and be yourself
Comfort - Leave as many tears behind as you can, be there comforting and supporting each other
Fun - Start as you mean to go on and make your new home, a place where laughter is heard and lots of it too
Good Memories - Leave as many bad memories as you can behind, they do not belong in your new HOME
(April 2008) (
