Hi guys – We all know and think that having friends is human nature, but is it? Isn’t having friend’s a part of what makes us human, a part of us evolving, a part of us growing, living, and changing. It is true and most people have a
natural need for friends and I think this is great.
It’s true that surrounding ourselves with friends increases our enjoyment of life and it helps to relieve the feelings of loneliness that some of us harbour. Recently some medical researchers found that there was medical proof that having friends was also a great way to help to reduce stress levels and believe it or not friends actually DO improve your health.
Having friends can be very helpful if you are going through a hard time, experiencing anxiety or suffering from panic attacks, depression or living with a serious illness. Friends are also great to have around if you’re having major surgery or have suffered a loss in your life. It’s times like these when we are all glad to have friends.
When friends surround you, you feel good about yourself, and you are always glad to around them. A friend is someone who:
You like, respect, trust, and who likes, respects and trusts you
Always allows you the space to change, grow, make decisions, and even make mistakes – yet still supports you no matter what
Doesn’t always understand you, but accepts and likes you as you are, even as you grow and change right through your adult years
Listens to you and shares with you, both the good times and the bad times and the sad times
Lets you freely express your feelings and emotions and does not judge, tease or criticize you
Respects your need for confidentiality so you can tell them anything, just like they can tell you anything because you respect them and you know that they will always keep your secrets.
Gives you good advice when you want and ask for it.
Assists you in taking action that will help you feel better, and works with you in difficult situations to figure out what to do next
Accepts your limitations
Lets you help them when they need it
You want to be with, but you aren't obsessed about being with
Doesn’t ever take advantage of you no matter what
A good friend might not be around the same age or the same gender as you. A good friend will often not come from the same educational, cultural, or religious background; or share interests that are similar to yours. All friendships will also have different depths; some are closer to the heart, some more superficial-but they're all useful and good. A close friend of mine breaks this down easier by saying “I have excellent mates, good friends and lots of acquaintances” How right she is!
KEEPING friends can be hard work but it can also be fun and interesting . . . .The most important thing to remember as far as I am concerned is that “friendship is a two way street”, you have to be prepared to give and take!!!!
Some other suggestions to help keep a your friendships alive may be:
Listen and share equally – always be prepared to listen to your friend and if you’re busy then do your best to make time especially if this is a friendship you really care about. Nobody likes selfishness. Remember to make eye contact and show interest and try not to come up with an “I can top that” story. Try not to think about your response as your friend may think your mind is wandering and your not interested.
Try not to give your friend advice unless they ask for it - listening to your friend is fine! Quite often the people that are around us will need to share some of the details of their hardest times or of their difficult experiences and they may continue to do this over and over again until its “out of their system” or until they have figured things out or found a solution.
By listening to the same story again and again you are being a VERY good friend.
Take equal responsibility for the friendship – Most people that are involved in a friendship should learn to take responsibility for the friendship. A great example of this is – Both sides of the friendship should be make time for each other. One week one should decide on an activity and the next week it should be the other person’s choice. . It’s important that if you find that you are taking all of the responsibilities for get togethers etc then you should sit down and discuss a way to make the friendship more equal.
Keep personal information confidential – It’s really important that as you feel more and more comfortable with your friend, you will find that you talk more and share lots of personal information. It’s important to make sure that you both have a mutual understanding that anything personal the two of you discuss is absolutely confidential and that you will not share personal information about each other with other people. Gossip ruins friendships especially if it’s about personal and private talks that you’ve shared or notes that you may have written.
Have a good time – Make sure that you spend time with your friends doing lots of fun, interesting things together. Sadly often friendships get "weighed down" if all you ever do is talk about each other’s problems. Take yourselves off to a movie, try a walk on the beach, have fun playing ball, sit down and watch a fun video, have a fun day by forgetting that you are adults and play at the park, enjoy a BBQ; try doing anything that would be fun for both of you. Try taking in turns making suggestion and initiating these activities
Stay in touch – Keeping up regular contact with your friends is by far the best thing even when things are going well, friends are not just for bad times. Give them a call; send them a note or e-mail. Always try and end a visit or call with "I'll give you a call on *&%$day to pick a time we can get together next”. You will notice that by finding regular and scheduled contact is the best way to assure that your friendship will remain strong. It means making a commitment to the friendship.
Home visits - Good friends will often spend time at each other's homes. It is important that your time in each other’s home is comfortable and by making these times together special, you will strengthen your friendship. The best way that you can make your friend feel welcome and comfortable in your home is by focusing your attention on your friends. Try to have a clear and comfortable area for visiting, make sure you turn off the TV and radio when you are talking or involved in an activity together.
There are feelings inside of us (intuition, some people call it) that will let us know who you do and don't want to be close to, listen to them, as quite often these feelings are spot on.
There will be times that you may want to be close to a person but you find that you are confused by questions that you may have. If this happens you should ask yourself questions like:
- "Have I called too much this week?"
- "Have I stayed too long; should I leave now?"
- "Should I offer to help her with the children or would she be uncomfortable with that?"
It's very appropriate that you ask yourself questions such as these.
You will also find that boundaries may differ from friend to friend, this is normal. You may find that you don’t mind it if certain friends call on you, but you may want to put some restriction around calls from other friends. You may also find that you do not want to go to certain kinds of activities with some friend and all of this is okay.
Always remember that in all your relationships/friendships you have the right to define your own limits so that you may feel comfortable and safe. It is fine to say "no" to doing anything you don't want to do. You also have a right to ask for what you need, want, and deserve out of a friendship or relationship. It is fine also to insist that others respect your boundaries and, as a good friend, you must always respect their boundaries.
Thanks for reading and I really hope that people will get help from this but also learn a little bit about me . . .
AND A REMINDER that 'Friendship Day" takes place on the first Sunday in August every year!
Cheers Kellz xoxoxo
© Copyright 2008 Kellzacar. . All writings by Kellzacar remain the property of Kellzacar and should not be republished or copied without written permission. Kellzacar can be emailed via Minti. Any similarities are by coincidence only as all writings etc are the research and or thoughts of the writer. All links are to websites used or visited whilst writing this article
(April 22nd) (
