Sex after rape

this is purely on my experience and how i have delt with this.

ok i was raped once when i was 14 and then again at 17. i didnt report either as i felt that it was my fault as they were my boyfriend at the time. now i dont know actual percentages but i know there is a high rate of non reports to it actually being reported.

now with it being my boyfriend at the time (2 separete ppl) i was very causious of when i met my hubby and still to this dayy i have flash backs and freak out (the reason why i am writing this) now i didnt tell chris about this till a few years ago as i was scared he would accept me as i was " damaged goods" in the sence. And sadly to this day i do freak out at times when we are having sex but at lest now he knows about it and helps me get through this.

ok enough of the background info and now on how i am getting beyond this..

• firstly if u have a partner be totally open and honest with them ( male or female )
• Let them know how u are feeling at the time.
• tell them to go slow. intamacy is a good thing.
• if they touch you in a way u are not comfortable with or it reminds you of the incident tell them to stop.
• make sure your partner is understanding.
• seek counciloring. talking to someone who is trained in this area is great. i overcome most of my problems with seing my councilor.
• tell yourself you can get by this and be a better person. i do this alot and most nights
• dont let your self get into a rut of sex is bad cause it isnt. it is the best thing in the world. (i got into this rut and it does cause alot of problems)
• tell yourself to be confident. you are a surviver not a victim.

i have found that talking about it to other people is a help too. my hubby and i talk about it every now and then when it does get me down.

it is a hard thing to get over and having a partner who wants to help you is a great help. when i met chris i was so thingy about my body and wouldnt let him see me naked.

remember you are not alone and there is alot of help out there.