Hmmm – Lets face it; parenting is so much easier when both mum and dad are happy. I know myself when I am upset with my hubby I tend to be a bit short with the kids. This is not intentional and I really don’t like it happening but

lets face it. If we are truly honest, how many of us does this happen too?

Okay then, let’s get on with it and state the obvious. There are some things that a good relationship just has to have; it’s no secret that without trust, honesty and attraction, you’re waging an uphill battle that will go on and on and on. Even the most happiest couples will get the urge to throw the occasional fork of mashed potatoes at each other for leaving crumbs in the butter, double dipping or simply not rinsing out that cup and heaven forbid that dreaded toilet seat argument.  It’s a simple truth.

All things considered though I believe that happy couples make a conscious decision to be just that - happy. And they do simple, practical things to keep things happy. I am one of the lucky ones according to most who know me because my hubby and I don’t argue. That doesn’t mean we don’t have disagreements because we do, we just choose not to argue and talk instead.

Here are some tips that I think help to keep happy mums and dads:

TALKING – Most of us tend to have a very heavy family timetable and its very often that some mums and dads can go nearly a week before they realise that they just haven’t had a normal conversation except from the normal “where is the cat/dog?” and “Did you put out the garbage?” etc

It’s really important to find time to talk with each other. My hubby and I do this every night. We make the time, no matter what is going on around us we always make time. WE make a cup of coffee and sit on the couch and ask each other about their day, we ask about any concerns we may have and we also share a laugh or two. Sometimes we’ll even do this over a game of cards.

DATING – Okay I know most of you are thinking dating? Why their married? Well so what! Just because we are married doesn’t mean we are dead. Dating is still very much apart of who we are. Before we had Sumara we would take each other out on a date once a week. It only ever cost us $20 and we really enjoyed ourselves.

We referred to our dates as a married pub-crawl! Basically what we did was take it in turns circulating around the local pubs for a counter meal each week for lunch. You’d be amazed at just how cheap a lunch can be and how fulfilling.

Since having Sumara we’ve not been able to go out due to her being unwell so we’ve been forced to improvise . . . A good example of this would be our picnic lunch on the lounge room floor last week, which we were able to include Sumara in, she just loved the idea.

TIME APART - Okay, again I can see you think “what the?” This one may seem a little strange to you but it goes back to that old cliche that you can’t make your partner happy if you are not happy. It’s important to find sometime for yourself and also to allow your partner to do this. For us this has been fairly simple, my hubby loves to walk at night – weird I know but to each his own. As for me I love to either go for a swim or to simply pop next door to my elderly neighbour for a cup of tea.

An old friend that we have who lives a long way away does things a bit different, she will go off to the gym and her hubby loves a game of golf. So they both do this during the week when the kids are at school.

SMALL THINGS – Let them slide – It’s really easy to fall into the battle of finding the most things wrong with your partner especially if you are upset about something. Sometimes you can make your partner feel like they can’t do anything right and the worst part about it all is that usually you don’t realise that you are doing it.

Lets face it does it really matter if he left the toilet seat up? Or does it really matter is she forgot to iron your favourite shirt. Being in a relationship means it’s important to learn to let the small things slide. If it small – leave it that way! Do yourself and your partner a favour and just walk away from it.

As parents we often are annoyed by our children arguing over simple things like “he did / she did “ scenarios – well it’s the same for us adults and that’s what small things are . . ..

FIGHT FAIR – Well if you must fight then the best you can do is too keep it fair. If you can’t do this then its best to just walk away and try and talk it out later. What happened way back when really has no bearing on what you are arguing about now!

Be honest, talk civilly and if you find this doesn’t work then write down your feelings on a piece of paper and hand it to your partner. Better to give your partner a note than a mouthful of abuse that you will regret later.

And if you must fight then do yourself and your kids a favour and DON’T do it in front of them or anywhere they can hear you.

DO YOUR BEST TO STAY INTIMATE – Sexual pleasure is a connection that you share only with your partner (Okay sadly this is not always the case, but that’s another article…), so making sure that bond is strong helps the relationship. Some couples find that after the birth of a child their sexual activities seem to either dry up or become very rare (although this is not always the case). The thing to understand here is that this is normal, its no ones fault.

Sexual pleasures can often be tiring and if a partner is tired; well lets face it sexual activities will be the furtherest thing on their minds. This being said it’s important to acknowledge that sexual needs are real and you may still need to try and find the time to rediscover your partner. Without getting too personal I found the rediscovering part quite fun.

It’s a well known fact that when the relationship is good the sexual side is good and when the sexual side is bad then the relationship tends to struggle. There’s no magic number when it comes to how often to share sexual intimacy, it’s a personal choice. Everybody has a different tolerance or need for affection and touch. So as long as those needs can get met, you’re okay.

An online survey done in the US in 2005 showed that 33% wanted sexual intimacy more frequently than their partners while 42% said their partner wanted it more than them. As for the remaining 25% well they seemed quite happy all round.

TOUCH  - For me there is a lot to be said about the PG version to above. The simple things like holding hands, a quick gentle kiss and a hug can make the world of difference. My hubby and I do these things every day!

THE ART OF “THANKYOU” – Many people that I know that are in relationships seem to have began to take their partner for granted. What happened to a simple thankyou? This word conveys so much more that just a polite gesture.

Isn’t it great to have a comfort level with your partner that allows you to eat with your fingers or to shrug off the occasional fart, but it’s still good to use your manners most of the time. It makes people feel appreciated and respected and a simple thank you or an excuse me (when you fart) reminds your partner that you do respect them.

I’m not in anyway saying that my hubby and I are perfect because we are not but we do aim to communicate, show love and respect and to never argue. This is our goal. I remember back to a few weeks ago when our 8yr-old came from school and loudly announced that she thought we were freaks! When I asked her why she replied with “well, you two never fight. It’s not right.”

This made me laugh. My response to her was “no we don’t but that only because we communicate instead, isn’t that much nicer that fighting?” . . ..   The look on her face said it all. She smiled and gave us each a hug and thank you and I love you . . . That makes all we do worthwhile . . . .

Thanks for taking the time to read this……….

Cheers Kellz xoxoxox