Things I learnt in my first year as a mother

Here are some things I wish I knew a year ago!

1.   Breast or bottle - it really does not matter what you choose, you and your baby must be truly happy with the decision.  Don't let people make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding, if you can

2.   Trust your instincts - Did you not carrry this child around for 9 months, did you not bring this child into the world, were you not the first person this child saw, are you not the face this child sees for most of its waking moments?  Then how can you not trust your instincts, you know best if there is a problem, or if your child is not well etc.  So instead of letting everyone else tell you what they think is wrong, why not trust yourself.  Its ofne of the most common problems of first time mum, we have no confidence, lets make sure we try to remember that we do have so many of the answers.

3.  Cuddling your child - Hold your child for as long as you want, how many times have you heard your mothers or aunts or friends say "don't hold her so much she will get used to it".  Well you go right ahead and hold your baby, is it not human touch that binds us and bonds us.  Our children grow up so quickly and soon they get to the stage where they no longer want a hug from mum or dad.  So go on and hold them , cuddle them, smell them and really enjoy them.  They are the most precious gift we get, lets enjoy them.

4.   Join a group - I used to laugh at people you joined mothers groups, thinking all they do is talk about vommit, poo and other boring things...........Well I love to talk about those things now, but what I love more is that we are united by the love of our children and we support each other because we understand where the other one is coming from!  One year on my group still meets one to two times a week, we are now great friends who not only have our children in common but are also a group of women who can have a laugh, a cofee and share a story with.

5.  Get help if you need it - Even today Post Natal Depression, gets pushed under the rug a little.  I was embarrased, and destroyed, how could I have PND, I was so together and organised and happy - how did this happen?  There are many reasons and we all suffer differently, but the most important part is not to suffer alone and to ask for help from professionals.  When I had my first counselling session it was like a cloud had been lifted from above me.  You know eventually you get better, but don't try to do it alone, use the support services available. Its nothing to be embarrased about, it can happen to anyone.

6.  Read the books - Go ahead and read the books, there are thousands and thousands all offering the best tips and advice for new parents.  However just take a step back for a moment, yes read the material but don't  go crazy, remember they are just guides.  If your baby does not follow the patterns, thats ok, remember they all do things differently and at different times.  The books are great but do not let them become your bible and drive you crazy - sometimes too much information can be soul destroying.

7.  Take lots of pictures and keep a diary - As you well know they grow up way too quickly, our children.  Take a zillion photos, don't let a moment go by that you did not snap them... write down all those glorious moment, when she/ he first smiles, their first tooth, their fist babble/word.  There are endless fascinating things.  I am writing the story of my daughters life in a journal which I hope to present to her on her 18th birthday, I hope she will love reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it.

8. Food - What a minefield!!!!!! When to start solids, what is best to give them, what do you do when they will not eat, what to cook, can or home cooked..............ahhhhhh it almost sent me batty!  You and your partner can consult, talk with some professionals and then give a few things a go.  Don't fret when they will not eat, don't fret when they should be eating finger food and they still want their food mashed, don't fret if they don't like fish, don't fet if they put their fingers in it to experiment.  At the end of the day, all children will eat when they are hungry!  We can spend all our waking moments worrying about their food/drink intake, but its amazing to see how they continue to grow on a few bites of food and a drink here and there!

9.  Don't forget that you are still you - just because you become a mum does not mean you stop being who you were. Have you noticed that with most dads, they are stil pretty much the same once their child is born, they don't forget who they are.  But we mums do this alot! I believe that you make a better parent if you can still enjoy some things from your old life.  Give in to all those requests for babysitting - leave the little one and go for a cofee or get your hair done, or take the dog for a walk alone!  Don't fall into the trap of being just a mother, you know they grow up and move away and then what do you have left...........a very lonely heart and no interests!  Remember to laugh and seek out adult conversations and take time out for you.

10.  Don't forget your husband - We become so wrapped up in caring and loving this new little person that at time we don't have time for our partners, you are with them because you love them and wanted to have a child with them, so share the experience with them completetly.  Don't shut them out and when they try to help don't keep telling them what they are doing wrong, let them become an equal partner in bringing up the baby! And when baby goes to sleep leave the cooking and cleaning and just talk or share a glass or wine (or soft drink) you are still a couple, as well as parents.  And even go out for a dinner if you can afford it, don't loose each other in this incredilble time of your lives.

I reckon most of you probably already know all this stuff, but its good to review it for ourselves, being a parent is hard work but its really really great isn't it??

Happy reading