Re: Depression
Asked by Lynd

Question:
 

Ok,so not a parenting question sorry but i'm just wondering if anyone who's been on anti depressents before have had good or bad experiences with them.

I don't think i'm depressed but if you've read

  my blog you'll see i'm a tad paranoid,lol.

My Advice:

As a parent, YKCP Registered Psychotherapist and Certified Play Therapist I could write pages of complicated stuff about depression. What I would prefer to do is chat about parents and depression.

What? Parents don't get depressed, do they? They just don't have time!

Let's get down to some facts. Being a parent is the toughest job in the world. There's no training course that can fully prepare you for parenting. It's a job that takes up your whole life and almost all your energy. If you are a parent, I guarantee at some point you'll get depressed. (I'm talking from experience here.) It might be postnatal depression (triggered by a hormonal imbalance). More likely, there is absolutely no apparent cause.

If you see a doctor about depression, he/she will use a scale of depression (such as the HAD scale). This will include looking at the person's general attitude, sleeping and eating, thinking and forgetfulness, and 'interest' (a polite word for what happens or doesn't happen between a couple in bed). Now think of a young parent. Little time to eat, lying awake at night worrying about your child, your mind full of so much you forget everything. And as for 'interest' - there's no time, energy or interest in that department! And that's a 'normal' parent's reactions.

So what do you do if you find everything becoming too much? Seeing the doctor and getting put on an antidepressant is one option. The trouble is, antidepressants don't 'cure' depression. They just keep it in check for the time you are taking them. Another is to see a therapist such as me.

Much better is to do what you can to help yourself. When did you last give yourself a treat? I used to talk about indulging yourself and people thought only of cream cakes and other fattening things! A treat could be getting your hair or nails done or having a massage or even just having a long, leisurely bath full of lovely smelly stuff and maybe even surrounded by candles. It could be leaving the little ones with a sitter and going together with your other half for a meal, a drink or a walk in the woods. Self-care is vital to beating the blues.

How is your sleep pattern? It's fine to have a few sleepless nights. That's normal as a parent. If they get too much, think about how you are treating yourself before going to bed. Are you drinking coffee or alcohol late at night? Is your evening meal early enough for you to settle to sleep? A warm milky drink before bed can be soothing. Some drinks have ingredients that definitely promote sleep. Try Horlicks or other drinks with hop extracts in them (though definitely not beer!). Only as a last resort turn to sleeping pills.

People who are depressed either over-eat or under-eat. Are you comfort eating? Go for salad and fruit instead of chips and cakes. If, like many people, you have gone off food, instead of struggling over a whole dinner, get a child's-size plate and put a children's portion on it. If you can manage that, you're well on your way to health.

If you are forgetful, you are probably not on the brink of Alzheimer's. Mild depression results in forgetfulness. It's the body's natural way of shutting out too much input. Think of depression as the duvet that gently comes over you to protect you. 

Worrying about depression just makes things worse. If you have a background of problems (such as childhood trauma) part of your depression could have been triggered by that. If you are in that position I urge you to see a therapist and start working things through.

If things are just too much, see your doctor and get some 'happy pills'. He will probably give you an SSRI antidepressant. Unlike the old antidepressants, these are not addictive. Have patience - they take four to six weeks to work effectively. Use the six months to a year you will be taking the tablets to deal with your problems (see above), then come off the tablets gradually with your doctor's instructions. If you don't you're likely to end up back where you started.

If you are really against prescription antidepressants, you can self-prescribe St John's Wort, a natural antidepressant. Though it is quite expensive, it works just as well as prescription SSRIs.

Instead of running from depression, see it as a friend, reminding you as a parent to slow down and start thinking of yourself. And remember, you are important, too.

Roger Day