When my husband and I brought home our first born (now nearly 4), we experienced (on that drive home from the hospital) a lot of emotions in bringing our newborn home for the first time. What I have learned from this experience has made me evolve, grow up and become a real adult. I used to be on the board of an IT company, and CEO, now that has even evolved into my love for social networking. Having children, evolved my career, I now see myself with a renewed sense of purpose, in both my family and professional life is astounding. No amount of professional training and development could have given me that. I have found there is no barrier to what I can foresee to achieve in the future.
With everything that happens in the first five weeks of bringing your newborn home, seriously changes and challenges you to become a better, selfless human being.
From the fears, the worries and the joy...I have found some survival points of advice to make it all a little easier to deal with this culture shock of now being a "family"
Reserve the multitude of advice for research. In hospital I was given a varied inconsistent amount of advice from various midwives from all walks of life. Your life, coping skills, personality and experience with challenges may only gel with one or two midwives, but that is for a reason. You now you begin your quest in "sharpening" your skills with filtering the good advice from the advice that "doesn't work for you".
Lower your expectations. That way you won't beat yourself up. Otherwise, as I found, you won't have much left of you if you set high standards that are unrealistic. Like being out and about like you used to during the first five weeks of bringing baby home, (when you should be resting at home).
Breast feeding is really hard. But like anything hard, it is worth doing!!! As well as being extremely rewarding, the hard part generally for me only lasted a few weeks and this time round only a few days!!! I think back now, realizing that, 'hey' I didn't do such a bad job with my first. I am now breastfeeding successfully with the second (4 weeks and 5 days old). I also realized just how hard I was on myself to "breastfeed" like a hero, when actually breastfeeding is extremely hard to understand and master. I refused help the first time and guess what I didn't this time round. Put it this way, finding a lactation consultant you can trust, makes it all the easier to absorb all the technicalities of breastfeeding. The little golden techniques amassed over centuries of midwifery being past down, does make you more confident and able to get through the horrible "engorgement" period.
- The engorgement period. Ouch my milk has come in, now what? It only lasts a short time and then your endocrine system kicks in and only replaces what baby has taken from you. This was really important for me to know!!! It was like a light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that the horrible engorgement period would subside for me after a few days. Although, come to think about it having large boobs is what is very fashionable to have [laugh out loud]. Trust your instincts and don't give up, the engorgement period will pass and pass quickly.
- If there is only one thing you master about breastfeeding, it can only be "making sure baby learns how to jump on nice, wide and properly". I didn't really try enough in the first few weeks of bringing my first born home, but I soon learned that getting him on properly was the key to my happiness and his well being. You feel like a superhero when you both "get" this bonding and life providing technique. And after a few weeks, baby learns to attach on their own, so you don't have to hold their head and place their bottom lip on the circumference of your areola and really assertively pop baby on.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. Be afraid to listen to everything your told. Take it on board but from my experience, you accept something to try if you first try it and see if it actually worked for you. Check your sources and your breadth of sources. Just like in the business world, you only want the best and most proven forms of advice and generally they come from other mothers or mothers who have educated themselves as lactation consultants, but who provide a caring and nurturing form of care.
- Should I express? In the first week on bringing bub home you can express a little to ease off the engorgement before a feed. Mother nature took care of mine but both children I had natural births and no epidural. With a c-section you may need to express both breasts after each feed to stimulate production. My breast relieve themselves. So I had to be prepared to have my own private wet t-shirt competition at home [laugh out loud] and when out, use breast pads (the thin type) so you don't feel like an abnormal Pamela Andersen. I only needed to express a little for two days to lessen the engorgement before a feed and so that baby could latch on properly. I also only needed to express a full feed on both breasts twice (I froze what was expressed) as my body makes sooo much milk. But, I knew I couldn't express to make myself feel better, I only expressed to take the edge off. If you express as well as feeding baby, you will stimulate more and more milk, so its best to let baby feed off you and settle down your milk supply as nature intended it. You maybe lucky and never have to express at all.
- Surrender to breastfeeding. Surrender to you being the most important person in your little baby's life. If you surrender you won't feel down about feeling like a prisoner or being isolated. Treat it as a "celebrity holiday"...remember a good time in your life when you just lazed around the house in PJ's, never answered the phone and veged in front of the TV, whilst other people did stuff for you. Hey wasn't that when we were teenagers??? We though life was hard then!!! Surrender to the "time out" from society as you knew it. There's an amazing journey on the other side, when you reach six weeks, three months and beyond.
- Using a lactation consultant, you have the ability to have a customize breast feeding experience. I have only written this advice based on my experiences and what was happening to me at the time. I have experienced, sore bruised breasts, I have experienced mastitis, blocked ducks, cracked, sore and bleeding nipples. So that is why second time round I was adament to try and master this art, by taking advice from a trusted lactation consultant/s. I only managed to breastfeed the first time round to four months. During that time, I had to do all sorts of things like top up with formula, express to feed as my nipples were too sore and bleeding. So, it seems second time round was a walk in the park for me!!!!!! I only really had to deal with "sore breasts" and the "engorgement" period...I also think I have more staying power and relax a lot more.
- During engorgement or sore breasts. Use cold compresses for sore breast in between feeds. Warm compresses or a warm shower before a feed. You can purchase specially made compresses that can be either made cold in the freezer or warmed in warm to hot water and shape around the breast and leaves the nipple free.
- Give baby foremilk and hindmilk. So, that means feed on one breast and then if baby is still hungry after a burbing, put baby back on the same breast to make sure the hindmilk is also taken. This helps to prevent the runs and gas that foremilk can bring on, if that is all baby is getting. The other breast should just be (as one of the lactation consultants puts it)...only for dessert!!!!
The wind tunnel...Be prepared to burb baby during the first five weeks a lot, even when you haven't given baby a feed. Baby's get a lot of wind. Gripewater of some sort (without the alcohol or ethanol preservative) can help too. Teach yourself about upper wind and the dreaded and painful lower wind pain. Upper wind pain causes baby to chuck and lower wind pain causes baby to cry in pain and crunch their legs up, passing wind in relief. Crunching legs, would be something similar to you doubling over if your lower tummy was in pain. [The Dunstan System is a good DVD to watch that helps here, as seen on Oprah]
Don't take yourselves too seriously!! Laugh at yourself, trust me you will have moment where every type of fluid is coming out of yourself and your newborn, the only thing you can do is laugh and maybe cry. It's okay and it's completely normal. Like an actor who explores themselves in the raw...think of it as life acting out on you!!!
Last but not least - Seek support. Make sure you take a break. Make sure you talk to your husband and discuss what each of you believe a family should be about. Discuss your values and beliefs. Discuss the fears and outcomes of what you both believe should be your roles in developing the family. Realize that both husband and wife need to make some concessions and sacrifices now which may be very hard in the short term. Surrender to letting go of the "selfish" adult behavior that all pre-parents indulged in, because becoming more "self-less" transforms you as a person, as a spouse and as a family. I truly found a sense of new meaning and enlightenment about the world we live in, our purpose and spiritual empowerment that having children gives you. It is truly a moment in time that the penny drops and your respect for life beyond you, makes you want to view life very differently, with more wisdom than knowledge, more challenges than mediocrity. I guess the saying goes "I learn more about myself everyday, from my children"... I have learned to accept and embrace humility as a way of life. Surrendering to allowing yourself to be raw and vunerable, I have found the most amazing heart felt love and happiness.
Oh, and congratulations on your new addition to the family. Celebrate the quick wins and chances to bond with your newborn, living in the moment by moment. If you are a new parent and want to ask me any questions feel free to click on my avatar, visit my profile page and send me a message via Minti mail (you'll have to sign up which only takes 30 seconds)
(April 30th) (
