Hi Guys -
Living with our darling teenagers can be so terribly exhausting and frustrating. This is the stage when they seem so selfish and think they know everything! It’s all about their social lives, their friends etc……..
As parents it’s hard to know what
to do. We watch them struggling to move forward and then there are times when all they want is us. Once we think we have figured it out it all goes pear shaped again…………..
We want nothing more than to see our teenagers grow up healthy and independent yet at the same time we worry about their safety. As parents we have to cope with the fact that they may end up doing all the things we hoped they wouldn’t or follow a career that we hadn’t expected……...
What most of us forget is that our teens have to still cope with us! But there are some things we can do it help us to live with our teenagers. Below is some advice that I hope will help……………….
Getting together with your teenager
This may not be as easy as it sounds because our teens tend to be social butterflies with everyone but us parents. Try to be as flexible as possible. We all know it isn’t easy to spend time with our teen’s but if we make an effort it will be worth it.
Mealtimes – Try and make sure your family eats together for at one meal a day if possible. If not try and make it for every second day. During this time you can all talk about what you have been up do, what’s the latest in your teen’s lives etc.
Bedtime – Try a visit to your teen’s bedroom for a simple chat. This can do wonders for improving things between you and your teen.
Coffee/snack time – Try meeting your teen somewhere in town for a coffee or a snack. It’s best to pick somewhere that they don’t usually go to, as most teens don’t want to be seen out eating/drinking with their parents, as it’s uncool.
Driving – Offer to drive them where they need to go. This will give you an opportunity for time together. Most teens tend to talk more in cars. Also if they have their Learners License then let them drive, this could open up a whole new dialogue.
Make sure that you respect their privacy
Privacy is a huge issue for most teens and if they feel they are not getting any they can become very upset and hostile.
- Give your teen space in their room. Always knock before entering their room.
- Never go through their diaries or drawers etc when they are not home. If you do then the trust will be broken and this can lead to a whole new set of problems.
- Try not to pry unless it is extremely important. It is okay to ask your teen when they will be home or where they will be.
Share your interests and ask them about theirs
Try sharing a story or two about your own teenage years, share a laugh about how things have changed but try not to preach. If you end up preaching you will quickly lose your teen’s interest……………..
Also sit down and really try listening to their music, listen to the words. You may be surprised and find it’s not as bad as you think. You may even like a song or two………………
When your teen is sitting and watching T.V try sitting down with them and watching the show too. This will give you something to talk about. Maybe you could then try offering to take them to a movie. This could become a regular thing between you and your teen………………
Try talking to them as if they were an adult friend of yours, talk about your work or something that you’ve found interesting lately. What about watching their sport and offering encouragement. You will find your teen loves you treating them as an adult………………
Listening to you teen
As parents we all like to think that we are listening to our teen but are we? Are we listening without being a parent, without offering a sermon before they’ve finished what they were saying? The most helpful thing we can do as parents is to listen to them and show an interest. Some great responses to your teen are:
- “How come?”
- “Wow, you must have felt.. “
- “Gee that sounds really exciting……….”
Does your teen know that you know them?
I know many parents would love to say yes to this but are you sure? Teens can be so very unpredictable and its possible that they may often misread what you say to them. I always make sure that I say, “I love you” as my teen walks out the door or when I answer a txt message but there are other ways you can get the message across:
- Show you love by touching and hugging. Most teens will say they are too old BUT will often accept a quick hug especially if they are half asleep and they do remember it.
- Buy or cook their favourite food as a treat.
- Buy them a simple gift that says “I was thinking of you”
- Help them with any special projects that they may have.
- Leave a note on their pillow or in their bag that say’s you love them and that you care.
My hubby says sometimes he feels like he needs to tattoo he loves them on their foreheads so that every time they look in the mirror they will know.
Make memories to share with them
This can be easier said than done when it comes to a teen but it is worth it as they can look back on their memories and share them with someone down the track…………
- Try taking a friend of your teen’s on holiday with you
- Take lots of photo’s of your teen mucking around
- Create traditions (E.g. Like allowing them to pick a meal on their birthdays. This is something we do with ALL our kids, even the younger ones)
- Accept invites to family occasions. Many teens will moan about it but in the end they usually end up enjoying themselves.
Have faith in your teen
This for me was a toughie . . . I had to learn to trust that I’d raised my teen right in their younger years. I had to trust that they’d listened. Basically I had to trust myself………….
- Let your teen know that they are special
- Ask their advice about something
- If they make a mistake trust that they will do better next time
- Give them support
Also NEVER forget about yourself. AS parents we often tend to feel worn down by our darling teens as they constantly push boundaries as they aim to discover who they are. Make sure to take time out for yourself, speak to other parents with teens, as you will discover you all have a lot in common. Make time for the simple pleasures in your life.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I look forward to reading your feedback…………….
Cheers Kellz
© Copyright 2008 Kellzacar. . All writings by Kellzacar remain the property of Kellzacar and should not be republished or copied without written permission. Kellzacar can be emailed via Minti. Any similarities are by coincidence only as all writings etc are the research and or thoughts of the writer. All links are to websites used or visited whilst writing this article
(May 2nd) (
